Post # 1
I have been feeling so overwhelmed and I literally shut down for 2 weeks, not able to think about the wedding planning part because I don’t enjoy doing all of this myself. My mom doesn’t want to help me and she’s got her own stuff to worry about and she’s not local, I don’t have any local friends, all my BMs are out of state, my Future Mother-In-Law and I have had our disagreements and I’d rather leave her out or she’d make things worse. (long story) My Fiance is helping me a little but he has his limits and I think he’s approching it fast. I have no one to talk to about my planning and it’s driving me nuts. Right now I feel like I am not worth it and no one cares about my wedding, anyway. I plan on doing a lot of DIY, etc. to save costs, too. It’s so hard to get motivated, and I keep looking at how much time I have left until the wedding and I’d get very nervous about it. I don’t have a car so even dress shopping or even just going out to stores to get supplies is proving to be a obstacle.
I feel like just giving up but I don’t want to. I don’t know if I can handle everything and do everything myself.
Anyone in similar situation like mine?
Post # 3
Oh my god…are we the same person?
I got so frustrated with a very similar situation (mom far away and not into it AT ALL, fiancee who only wants to do so much, Future Mother-In-Law who…forget it…). I gave up the whole thing about 14 times during the whole process -believe me.
Now, I’m 3 months away and am so glad that I didn’t stop. All of the little details that all of our guests will see will be my details and my special touches. I thought that it was hard to be going it alone until I started reading on Weddingbee about OVER-INVOLVED parents, in-laws and friends. What a pain in the butt!
I never thought my mom (who lives in Cali -I live in Arkansas) would jump on the excited train but all of a sudden, at the last minute, she’s full speed ahead.
I let myself get really really down about not having a bridal shower and engagement parties but you know what? They don’t matter. This is about you and your fiancee. Your wedding should reflect the two of you.
I feel such a sense of accomplishment now that most of the big things are done knowing that I did them myself.
Don’t let anyone rain on your parade. You deserve this wedding as much as any other girl. Have fun where you can, explain how lonely the process is to your fiancee and focus on the upcoming marriage.
I can only say that because I wasted months crying over what I thought was the most terrible situation ever. I wish I had had fun during the whole thing instead of being overwhelmed and sad.
Post # 4
I’m semi in the situation you are in; the only difference is that my Fiance is the one wanting the whole wedding, not me, yet who does most of the planning??
It’s sad that not a lot of family is involved but I’m actually better off without the involvement of all of my family and the in-laws; if the in-laws wanted to be all up in the planning, I don’t know what I would do so take that as a hidden blessing! You don’t have someone questioning every decision you’ve made or tell you how they don’t like anything you’ve done.
I go through stages myself where I don’t want to do anything wedding planning related AT ALL. These stages last weeks! When I do get to that point I can usually let Fiance in the know and he’ll help out. It doesn’t say when your wedding is but you should give yourself some breaks to not become so unmotivated and (as much as I hate saying this) I would take breaks from anything wedding related, including message boards 🙂
Post # 5
Oh I am soooooo with you on this one. No one cares about our wedding. And the only people that do live 1600 miles away and can’t afford to come for our wedding. Plus with all our medical bills and such we have had to cancel everything and it is just the two of us now. We will try and do a wedding later, maybe in a year for our anniversary. It is soooooooooooooooo hard not to get to have the wedding though and even harder that no one even cares. No showers, no bachlorette parties. Nothing. SOOOO I am with you on the bummed. What area are you both from? Being on here is fun to meet new people and help each other support each other:)
Post # 6
Joon, yes…I often feel the same way. It’s a lot harder than I thought! Like you my mom has her own stuff going on and is not helping or really caring like I thought she would. My sis (MOH) is busy in college and not very interested in weddings…I can’t blame her. My fiance is wonderful about listening (has gotten much better since this process started), but that’s about it.
I agree that it is so frusterating being alone with all of the headaches of planning! We will get through this…the outcome will be wonderful!!!
SoonToBee, thank you so much for that inspiration…really! I have a long way to go…9.5 months. I need to print out your post and stick it in my planner and realize that I shouldn’t get so frusterated or stressed! I really do have a lot accomplished already and I know my vision will be realized and it will be great.
The hardest thing for me right now is working with vendors. Caterers don’t email me back and I live out of town, so can’t come in for a consultation…. Ugh, does the wedding industry not work like other professional industries. If a client or potential client sends me an email, I email them back ASAP. Why does this not work with wedding vendors?
Post # 7
JoonBee and SoonToBee – are we THREE the same person? My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship, so he’s 2,000 miles away, Future Mother-In-Law is that far but still manages to discourage me to know end, mother is far, no friends here, and all the sad feelings I have about not having the showers and the parties and doing everything totally alone are things that my already stressed fiance can’t handle hearing over the phone. So, I can’t even lean on him just now.
It’s good to hear SoonToBee had some positive experiences and says it’s worth hanging in there – for the last 2 weeks I’ve alost wanted to cancel because I couldn’t take not only doing it myself, but just the IDEA that i had no one. That’s what’s most depressing, which zaps my otherwise can-do energy. I’ve really felt like it’s never going to get better… I’m terrified something will come up that will keep my fiance from being able to move and us getting married.
Can’t cake taste, can’t caterer taste… ah!
Post # 8
I was just about to write the same post…I am starting to feel so bummed about the whole wedding…we are less than 2 months away at this point but I just want it done! My mom is not excited at all, lives far away and just critisizes every choice I make. My younger sister (MOH) is 19 and in her own world. My bridesmaids live in other states and haven’t expressed any desire to help with anything, even from a distance. I did have a bachelorette party, that I planned, but there will be no showers. My Fiance is very not into all this planning. All in all, it is just not at all fun or enjoyable.
Post # 9
I can relate. I wanted to elope but, Fiance’s Mum insisted she be at the wedding wherever it was and my Fiances told me she would be upset if she was not invited. So I began to plan a wedding for 50 people and I’m so thankful for this site and to know I’m not alone in my planning, everytime I post an idea for a d.i.y or dress opinion etc.. I have many enthusiastic brides to be (and wives) replying within minutes, sure I don’t know you all personally but, it’s nice that others take the time to give insight. I’m do not have ANY family (other than my Fiance), we live in Michigan, my m.o.h lives in D.C and isn’t really in to the whole wedding planning (she’s a little selfish too in the sense that she likes to talk mainly about her and her boyfriend), my close friends live in my home country of Scotland, my Fiances family live in California and they haven’t offered to help with anything, even from afar 9I shouldn’t complain though since I have my vision and I don’t think they would quite get it or be able to help), my other friends live several hours away…..it’s all rather frustrating and dissapointing at times but, you just take one day at a time and as someone else pointed out, sometimes planning alone can be less stressful in the long run- ever heard of “Too many cooks spoil the broth”? 😛 Just do what you can and ask for help when you need it. You can do this and remember, it doesn’t have to be a bih show, keep it simple and meaningful. You will be so proud of all your hard work, I know I am- all those d.i.y projects take time and effort and it will show and your guests will no doubt compliment you on all your effort. I’m not having the bridal shower or the engagement party etc… which bummed me out at first but, I’m just focused on the actual wedding day itself now. I have learned who I can truly reply on through all of this and honestly, it’s a bit sad to say but, the only people I can 110% reply on is myself and my soon to be husband- thank God for him, this just confirms why I’m marrying him……he has so many wonderful qualities and reliable…..what a blessing. I’ve told my Fiance that if and when we have daughters and they are getting married that I’m going to make sure they are spoiled around wedding time, I don’t want them to feel alone or forgotten when they are planning- feeling like this isn’t very nice and I hate to think of others feeling like this.
Hang in there, it will all be worth it in the end!
Post # 10
Ditto to everything you guys said. I’m flying solo too.
Post # 11
Yep, I did it all myself too. Somehow I expected some help from my BMs, but got none. And now I will be married in less than 24 hrs. and even the rehearsal has me bummed. Good luck!
Post # 12
I feel bad for you all but, glad to hear I’m not alone in my solo planning, I don’t feel so nutty now. 😛 I was beginning to feel like I just had flakey friends and in laws, I see thats not the case.
Post # 13
sorry you’re feeling this way. it’s important to keep your excitement up. let your Fiance know you want and need him…………sometimes, guys just need to know that up front. try going out and meeting some people that share your interests. don’t worry what anyone else thinks of your wedding. it’s your wedding. come on! you’re getting married! enjoy every moment! people feed off other people’s energy. if you’re feeling down and out about your wedding…guess what? everyone else is going to too. be excited about your wedding. start doing stuff on your own. you’ll see…soon enough, there’ll be plenty of people around who want to share your joy!
Post # 14
Wow, thank you ALL for the responses!! Feel so much better that I am not alone and that planning a wedding alone is doable. I was walking on the clouds for a very short period of time after we got engaged and when I realized that no one is willing to help and I was on my own, I was still ok about it, thinking that I can do it. What really dragged me down was that I felt insulted by many things that my Future In-Laws said to me and I was hurt by my parents for their lack of enthusiasm. After years of wanting me to get married, I thought they’d be more excited about this.
@bluespurrs – omg, congratutulations! I hope you have a wonderful day!!!
@Miss SoonToBee – Thank you so much for your inspiration. I have to admit that I have cried several times about this in the 3 months that I have been engaged, but I’ll remember what you said and try not to waste time being too upset.
@ACountryCowgirl – I live in MA. You have it tougher than me! FI’s family didn’t want us to have a wedding (preferred us to elope, thinking weddings are too expensive) and that sounded terrible to me. I am not having any shower, rehearsal dinner, bachelorett’s party, etc. either, but I am ok with that. I just want a nice and meaningful wedding. I hope you do get to have a wedding that is meaningful to you like you planned!
Everyone of your posts was very very helpful and I do feel a little bit of motivation coming on.. 🙂 It is true that in the end, everything is still good as long as I know that I can count on Fiance, and myself.
Good luck everyone with the plannings!!
Post # 15
I planned everything all by myself
no engagement party thrown
just 3 peopel at my bridal shower
but you know what I loved every minute of planning it makes me sooo happy; his family lives on another continent so I dont worry about overly involved in-laws, my mom hates manhattan so hasnt been overbearing about anything; almost like a bride’s dream; my mom did come out for gown shopping i would have been hurt if she didnt
my only regret is not having my fiance here to help me make decisions; really sad looking at venues on my own or signing contracts on my own; at least he flew in for the food tasting
but I know we will be very happy once we are together thats why the hardship is worth it
I did a lot of my projects by myself but I enjoyed it when it get stoo lonely I just bring all my stuff to my sisters place and her little kids help me out; my 5 year old niece is even more helpful than my 15 year old niece
in away its less stressful because I can plan everything I just wich my fiance were here to join me in it thats my only sad part about it
Post # 16
Ugh, i feel ya. My fiance has been great in helping but i can tell he gets kind of annoyed. My Future Mother-In-Law loves to help, but i kind of get the feeling she has a little bit of a different vision. My mom, it would just cause a huge fight, and my bridal party loves to blow me off.
I just do what I can and try not to stress my self out. Which I know isn’t the best advice