Post # 47
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@Rachel631: I got the wiggins when we got engaged because getting married was always a ‘one day’ thing, to be done at some undefined point in the future. And after marriage follows a house and kids and then old age and death. Once we got engaged, a date was put on starting this and I was gripped by a spiralling sense of my own mortality. Basically, now I am engaged I’m going to die, and it’s all FH’s fault.
Post # 48
@Rachel631: it’s crazy how different things are!!
Post # 49
@chronicwhimsy: It’s like Ewan McGregor’s “Choose Life” speech from Trainspotting, right? I always wanted to avoid all that by doing overseas charity work or living on a commune, but eventually I realised that I was more conservative than I thought I was and actually really wanted the security of a home and family life… much to my younger self’s surprise and disappointment!
Post # 50
I worry about this too. I’m uninsured so the birth alone would bankrupt us. People always say that to me too, no “good” time to have kids…but I think it’s much better to wait and try to get into a better financial position. 30 isn’t too old, maybe start a baby fund, and try to save for a few more years : / It’s hard though, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to afford kids and it breaks my heart.
Post # 51
@Rachel631: haha, we are definately not in a rush, but I would rather have them when I am a little younger so I can get them off to college and still be young enough to take trips with my DH! But I can definately see how it gets more stressful the older you are. My parents are in their 40’s and they still don’t have their shit together lol
Post # 52
DH and I are putting off having kids (if we even do…we are on the fence CBCers) because of money. My school loans alone are almost equal to a mortgage! We are renting a crap apartment in a crap neighborhood which we can’t afford to move from. We just now have enough left over money after the bills have been paid to enjoy a meal out and still have money for savings. That savings is for our future, not for childcare costs so we would have to start a whole separate savings just for the baby. That would leave us with very little at the end of the day. So yeah…money plays a big factor in our decision.
I know many people raise kids on minimum wage or meager salaries but I’m not trying to live like that. I want my kids to be able to join basic afterschool activities and not become latch-key kids like I was because my mother couldn’t afford more than a roof over our heads. Yeah, not for me at all. And I think I would be doing my child a huge disservice if I bring them into this world knowing damn well I couldn’t afford them.
Post # 53
@Rachel631: I agree, I also do not think that I will ever be as well off as most of the people that I have worked for. One of my old families is moving, and their house is listed for $850,000. I don’t own a home yet, but I do know the going rate in my area is $150-300,000, so that is just crazy to me. I think I would be perfectly happy raising my children in the lifestyle that I grew up in, but at the same time I think we all desire to give our children at least a little bit more than we had growing up. I don’t want to spoil my children in the way that some of the kids I work with are spoiled, but I definitely want to be able to send them on a field trip or let them take music lessons or whatever they want without having to choose between that and a bill or groceries for the week. I would definitely be making that decision if I had a kid right now. Many of the people I work for wait until they are 35-40 to start having kids, and I just cannot imagine waiting THAT long. I know it works for some people, but I want to be able to run around with my children and truly enjoy them while still being young enough to enjoy traveling and everything after my kids move out.
Post # 54
@beetee123: “many of the people I work for wait until they are 35-40” …I totally get why, but this is quite risky for people serious about having children of their own. I am already practically barren and I just turned 26. Infertility seems to be on the increase and affecting ever-younger men (especially) and women.
But a $150k house? Woop, that’d be a dream come true! Today we are signing our lives away to a 900sqft condo for $262k!!
Post # 55
Jeez, I’m obviously coming from a vastly different perspective. I feel like as long as we have enough money to provide for the basics, there’s no problem with having kids. Yeah, we’ll probably be living in an apartment for 10 more years, but raising kids in an apartment definitely isn’t child abuse.
I make less per hour than the cost of daycare, so it’s a no-brainer that I would stay home until they’re school-aged. I’d probably work a few nights a week so I don’t lose my mind, though.
Our kids won’t be getting the latest toys, and we won’t have 800 channels on TV, and our annual vacation will probably be camping, but I don’t see a problem with that. Fiance was raised in poverty and he turned out fine.
Post # 56
As above you can never be financially ready for a baby, I’m 29 my partner is 27 we have two children 6 and 4 both work full time yes childcare takes the 2nd biggest chunk of our wages rent being the first And there have been times we have struggled before I get the whole why have children just to be in full time work ( sorry to assume but we hear that a lot) I am the manager of the daycare setting. However I don’t receive a staff discount (would be nice!!) we get minimal help from the government but the children want for nothing, not in a spoilt way but a clean clothes roof over their head kinda way. I go without the designer stuff to ensure my children get what they need. And yes if we have a good month we get to go for a family dinner as a treat. It’s never the right time but once they are here you make it the right time x
Post # 57
@deucesarewild1: If I could have my first baby before 30 I would be happy just because of all of the benefits for the mother and baby (decreased chance of breast cancer). I also want to make sure, like you said, that I have the best chance possible to actually have kids. I think my employers have been very lucky to have children at 42 years old that were perfectly healthy!
And yes, $150,000 for a house, but I live in a small ho-hum town where people don’t make much money, so that is a huge deal for everyone! I’m thinking about living in a city to make more money, but buying the houses in my cheap hometown for income properties.
Post # 58
@carrotstick: I think this is my FIs perspective (apart from the TV channels… we have free museums, and TV was only allowed for both of us at certain times when we were growing up). I get that too, actually.
Post # 59
I wouldn’t say it is the sole factor we are unsure if we want children, but it’s definetely a part of it. I could be a millionaire and i’d still be unsure if I want children because i don’t think parenting is for me.
Post # 60
I believe either way works, putting off having kids until later because of money is right for some and not for others. Personally we will wait until we are a bit more financially sound until we TTC. I am 28, my DH 29, I would like to be rid of my student loans before we have a baby, ideally I’d like to be debt-free but I want to be pregnant by 30 so the goal is to get as close as possible. We bought a home 2 years ago so we have that large payment, we kept it at 25% of our take home pay incase we are hit with unemployment etc. hopefully we wouldn’t lose our home, you just never know in this economy. We don’t have any savings really so I want to have a small nest egg before we TTC as well. Living on beans and rice now and creating a more financially comfortable environment will be less stress on us as a couple and as a family in the future. And we know the costs don’t stop at daycare, the medical bills are scary as well, ear infections, surgeries, late night emergencies visits for a rising fever… My parents had to go through all of that plus more with my siblings and I, we lived frugal but so happy and had everything we needed as kids. I’d like to have the same for my children. Though we may never be financially ‘prepared’, we’d like to be as comfortable as we possibly can.
Post # 61
I know this sounds strange but it took years for me to talk myself out of having kids. It was never practical for me to have them, even (especially) when I was married to my ex husband. Finances, for me/us is the straw the broke the camel’s back when it comes to deciding to have children. I also have MS so that’s a huge factor as well. Having a chronic illness IS like having a child financially. I have spent thousands out of pocket over the past 4 years in healthcare expenses, etc. I lost my ability to work full-time, and made a lot of cuts in my life.
Strangely enough, though I had the baby bug throughout my entire 20s, it faded the second I turned 30 and never came back.