(Closed) Anyone sad they won't be having children?

posted 9 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 48
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

On the flip side, I envy couples who have the freedom to pick up and go whenever they want. Also the option to spend whatever time together you see fit. I wouldn’t trade being a mom for ANYthing, don’t get me wrong. And it does my heart good to think of growing old surrounded by people who have a life long bond with me and keep me well stocked in grandbabies:) Its just like I told my sister; life is a trade off. You absolutely gain some things by not having children, just as you gain so many things by having them. Its about what you want out of your life and where you see your life down the road. I figure mine will be grown and gone by the time I’m in my early to mid-fifties which is plenty of time for us to travel and get to know each other as JUST two grown ups who can focus on each other. We have missed that. In fact, we kind of didn’t have it at all! But I feel confident that even though thats the case, we will still be able to make up for it, God willing.

Don’t be sad, whatever your situation is. As others have said, there are plenty of ways to embrace a little one and they don’t have to be your own. Focus on what you DO have and find ways to supplement the rest.

Post # 49
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I understand both sides of sentiments in this post – both my fiancee and I both agreed that neither one of us wanted any more kids (we both have 2 each, although mine are much older)…but there are days when I think it would be so nice to have a little one of our own.  I can no longer have kids, so not really an option but I can certainly relate to the feelings…glad to see I’m not alone.

Post # 50
Hostess
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Yes, I am.

My first child was premature – she only lived to be 9 months old.

Since then, I’ve been terrified of having another child. The whole experiance was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. When I went into labor, I was hemorraging – They lifelined [via helicopter], to a better hospital, and I died 3 times on the way. Add that on top of the 9 months of hell that me, my family, and my daughter endured, and I just can’t do it.

After my daughter passed away, I was in a really bad place. I actually tried killing myself twice.

I’m so terrified that if I got a pregnant again, that this would happen again. I just can’t do that to another child, myself, or my family.

The doctors checked out my uterus and everything after the first, and said I was perfectly healthy [Never did drugs, or drank, never did anything, I was extremely healthy as was the baby prior to this] – but, I just can’t do it. [They did say that if I WAS to get pregnant, I should go into bed rest @ 5 months, just in case].

I’ve planned on adopting, and even though I will love any child the same, I always wanted a mini-me, you know? MY child. Having life inside me and bonding even before the child is born. It does make me sad, but I’d rather be sad then go through anything like that ever again.

Post # 51
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

@Kimberley25:  Just enjoy your lives and current lifestyles. People do romanticize having a child. Just enjoy your husband, family, friends, disposable income and free time.

 

Post # 52
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@jenilynevette:  I am SO sorry you endured this. The pain had to be unimaginable. My own children were born extremely premature (I was 25 weeks) but thankfully, all four survived. I can understand not wanting to risk your heart that way again.

You know yourself and only you and God know whats best for you. Adoption is beautiful! I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful parent and any little one will be blessed to have you!

Post # 53
Hostess
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@BillysBride2011:  It really was. I never knew how many parents actually go through this, until it happened to me. I met so many other families who were going through the same thing – there were twins next to my daughter. It really is a heartbreaking thing.

Oh goodness, so glad your children made it through! They must have had an angel watching out for them!

Post # 54
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@jenilynevette:  Thank you so much. I KNOW they had their own LEGION of angels!:)

I admire women who have lost a child more than any others. No one can know….they just can’t. God bless you and yours.

Post # 55
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

After seeing what the 20-somethings and 30-somethings that I work with go through with kids….NO.  We’re too tired to do all that.  If we had a kid now we would be in our 50s when it starts school and mid-50s when it would be very active in lacrosse, football, swimming, or whatever.  Neither of us has the energy so we’ll stick with our furry babies.  🙂

Post # 56
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My fiance’ do not have any children, but I have a 19 and 20 year old.  I thought about trying to have him a child but there are so many risk involved so we decided to wait on grandbabies and enjoy each other.

Post # 57
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Absolutely no.  It certainly was something we discussed, but we each have one from previous marriages (his DD is 20 and my DS is 22) so it’s not something we felt we HAD to do.  I’m three years from retirement, Fiance is doing very well in the partnership that he has, and we’re embracing our empty nest.  At this stage of the game, we’re happy with each other, and taking a trip whenever we feel like it.

Post # 58
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No not at all sad. There’s more than one path in this wonderful life.

Post # 59
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Every once in a while, I let little wistful what-ifs sneak into my head, but they don’t linger.

I’m 46 and really never had any strong maternal pangs.  I’ve led a pretty amazing life so far,  and my deliberate choices (good or bad) have led me here.

I can proudly say that I’m the favorite ‘auntie’ of my good friends kids.  And that’s really enough for me.

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