(Closed) Anyone share this feeling?

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

You know..some kids are joiners, and others are observers. From her reactions, it seems she may just not be ready to participate in a sport yet. It’s OK. Keep playing in your yard with her and wait for her to let you know when she can handle it herself. No sense forcing her and having her fall apart.

My oldest daughter was involved in everything, while her sister was more interested in just random play. Dance lessons, she cried. T-ball, she cried. Soccer,she cried. When she tried everything again, she was  much older and did well. What she thought she wanted wasn’t really what she wanted, so our job as parents is to recognize it and let it go.

Kids are taught fear by what they hear. If you have anxiety issues, is it possible she picks up on your non-verbal cues? Does she overhear you talking about yourself and by extension,herself?

I think you’re doing a great job by trying to expose her to different things. I jst don’t think she’s ready, and may not be for awhile yet.

Chin up. Parenting is hard. 🙂

Post # 3
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Social anxiety is a real, treatable mental health problem. My husband has suffered from it for as long as he can remember, and has only sought treatment for it in the last year. Since he started taking the daily low dose anti-anxiety meds prescribed, he is like a new person! He has expressed on dozens of occasions that he wishes that he would have gotten treatment as a young child because a lot of what he remembers from his childhood is dread. 

Social anxiety isn’t something that you can overcome by doing social things! Because it seems like you can just get used to it or overcome shyness, it often goes untreated and sufferers are pushed into participating in social events that they dread. I would strongly consider having her assessed, and you too if you’re not being treated for it. After my husband got treated, it improved the quality of life a great deal for him in social situations, but also completely stopped other unwanted behaviors such as a bad temper. 

It’s a good thing that she has you, who can sympathize with her! 

Post # 4
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh also – you shouldn’t blame yourself for it. I would be very surprised if it’s behaviour she’s picking up from your own anxiety – it really sounds like she has social anxiety herself. It does certainly have a genetic component. 

Post # 5
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m not a parent, but I just want to give you comfort and support. You are NOT a bad parent. I’m somewhat close to my two nieces, but I know it’s not the same. My sister recently expressed that she feels like a bad parent because she doesn’t do all these activities with the kids, the way she sees other mom’s doing (such as on facebook). I think she feels inadequate. 

Kids aren’t perfect. Her older daughter, now 7, had the worst time potty training. It was a horrendous experience for my sister and niece. I don’t remember specifics but it was just horrible. Her younger daughter, 3, was talking about my wedding for weeks and how she was going to throw the flower petals down with her big sister. That day, it was ALL she would talk about. Come ceremony time when she saw the whole crowd, she cried so much her father had to stand out with her. She felt sooo guilty about it after. We came up with a solution but she almost couldn’t get through that either. She tends to shy away from things and feel guilty after.

I remember when I was a kid, asking my mom to go to certain things, and then telling her I wanted to leave or calling her to come get me, faking a stomach ache. I begged my parents to sign me up for softball every year and I hated going. I’m not even shy. I think I just wanted to feel like everyone else but I did not want to do those things. 

Bottom line, if you’re keeping your child safe and providing food, clothing, shelter and love, I’m sure you’re a wonderful parent. 

Post # 7
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

woobie8709:  I think you should consider getting a prescription pill lock box and going back on them, or putting them in a lock box in your car, etc. if you find relief from them. Social anxiety is a medical condition that can (and ought to be in my view) be treated properly so that the sufferer doesn’t have to suffer needlessly because society has instilled the belief that mental health problems ought to be overcome just by will. If she has your issue, which isn’t an “issue” so much as a treatable illness then the best thing that you can do for her is to take your own social anxiety seriously and treat it and talk about it as a medical problem, and make sure that she is assessed and treated as well if her social anxiety levels are outside of the norm. If your child was nearsighted, you would take her to the eye doctor and get her glasses, not just send her to class and hope for the best. You also wouldn’t beat yourself up for your bad genes. Mental health problems are illnesses and should be treated with the same level of respect and neutrality as any physical illness would. If she does have social anxiety, you can help your daughter to avoid things like failing out of college due to it by setting a great example for her right from the start!   

Post # 8
7496 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

1) Many children take a long time to potty train.  I was convinced that my older daughter would go to prom in a diaper… but she finally did get potty trained.

2) I don’t know a lot of 4 year olds who can really fully participate in a team sport.  It is jsut too young.

3) If you were diabetic you would not stop taking insulin because you were afraid your child might stick themselves with your needle.  As a PP suggested, get a locking med box.  You owe it to your child to be as mentally whole as you can be.

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