(Closed) SO didn't ask dad for blessing and proposed…is that bad?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Mine did not. 

I think my father would have preferred it if he had, as he hasn’t had too many chances to really get to know Fiance, but, it just didn’t work out that way. 

Fiance is a very indpendent type and didn’t feel it was up to my father at all to speak as to whether he could marry me. 

A viewpoint I certainly appreciate. At the same time though, I am a bit traditional in some ways and it would have been nice if he had. 

In the end I think my Fiance did fine. 

Post # 4
509 posts
Busy bee

I’m a grown woman – the only person he had to ask was me!

I am curious though if someone’s guy asked and was refused? What did he do after that?

Post # 6
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply


I would actually be really pissed if I was with someone that started talking to my parents about marrying me before he even proposed. I suspect that in that case the answer already would have been no, since I can’t imagine saying yes to anyone so clueless about my deeply held beliefs on personal autonomy and not being treated like property. So it would probably be a dick move trying to use my family to pressure me into a yes when he knew it was unlikely. Not that that has ever happened to me before or anything… 😀

Post # 7
533 posts
Busy bee

My fella wanted to ask for my folks blessing. He told his folks what we were planning on doing and I told mine. Both sides lost their shit. My dad rocked up to our place the next day, sat on the couch and said “I believe you want to ask me something?” He was just being an idiot 😛 

My dad said that you didn’t have to ask for our blessing/permission as it’s your life, do what you want. But he was glad that my fella wanted too. 

Post # 8
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My fiance didn’t – he’s quite traditional though, so he felt awful afterwards when he remembered he was ‘supposed’ to ask dad (he really respects my dad and is quite close to him). So he called my dad after the proposal to give him a heads up Smile Dad thought it was hilarious that he was asking for permission after the fact, and said that the only permission fiance needed was mine.

I’m all for personal autonomy, but I would have liked fiance to have spoken with my parents first (not asking permission, just as a heads up), given that he discussed it with his family and whether it was okay for him to propose – if you’re gonna discuss it with one half of the family, you’ve gotta ask the other!

Post # 9
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

In this day and age, that’s one custom (of many) that is entirely optional.

Mine asked because he wanted to. Great. If he didn’t want to and didn’t ask, great too. It was just a formality, everyone knew it. The actual decision is only ours. (so to answer:  what if my dad said no? we’d want to hear reasons, we’d discuss, and if it were nothing earth-shattering we had somehow failed to consider, we’d have gotten married without his blessing if it came to that.)

Post # 11
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My Fi didn’t ask either. We decided to break away from that “tradition”. 

Post # 12
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father\'s Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

Mr. D did not talk to any of my family before popping the question, and that is perfectly okay. I think my family would have actually been concerned if he had asked permission to ask me to marry him. We told all of our family afterwards and they were thrilled!

Post # 13
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

This is such a matter of personal preference. My husband asked both of my parents and my older brother before proposing to me because it was important to me. But that doesn’t make me “right.” It just depends on what is important to you! Many women don’t care about or agree with that practice any more, and that’s fine too!

Post # 14
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

nah My DH didnt ask, and seeing as he has only since him three times the whole of our relationship (once including the wedding) and hasnt seen my Dad since the wedding which was over a year ago, Id say I dont blame my poor DH. I havent been super close with my Dad in a long time, so DH asking permission seemed a bit pointless. Plus I wouldve gone all feminist on his ass, Tongue Out

Post # 15
4997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Mine didn’t, and I would have been really creeped out if he did. We aren’t old fashioned or religious and he knows my family well and knows they are thrilled to have him in their family. There’s nothing “bad” or “good” about asking for permission, it’s just a personal preference that hopefully you, your Fiance, and your parents share.

PS- I’ve also never had anyone ask if my Fiance asked for permission, I think that’s nosy and weird!

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