Post # 1
sigh. I am going to be 27 in about a month and … yes, embarassingly enough, I still live at home.
In my early 20’s I had some stupid plans to get an apartment with a friend, but that was before we realized how expensive things were and it was impossible to have our own place working minimum wage jobs while going to school. And then she met a guy and went psycho…
And my fiance and I have actually tried to get our own place THREE TIMES over the past three years. During our first attempt, his dad died unexpectedly. During our second attempt he lost his job. During our third attempt, my mom got really sick and almost died and was in the hospital a few months. All of these things have led to even more financial/family issues so getting our own place just hasn’t been possible.
Our wedding isn’t for almost 2 years so we have some time to work things out but we DO want to live together before we get married.
It’s just embarassing when people ask where you live and you have to explain you’re STILL at home. Even though I’m taking care of my mom and my fiance is helping his mom, people just get really judgemental and assume you’re an idiot loser for still living at home.
And honestly at this point I’m petrified that we will NEVER have our own place. Everyone keeps telling us to NOT get our own place before we get married because then we won’t be able to afford the wedding. Either that or they say we HAVE to live together before we get married or we’ll end up divorced. Gotta love the support. ugh.
I’m serioulsy afraid we’re going to end up living in my parents’ basement. I mean we’ve both gotten new jobs over the past 6 months but … it’s just so hard. And there are so many things to think about.
What did I do wrong? Seriously I feel so stupid and immature.
Post # 3
I totally get where you’re coming from. My fiance and I live with my mom (I’m 30). And people are definitely judgemental but stuff happens and so here we are. My dad died and my mom asked us to stay because she didn’t want to be alone. Then we had to move and now she can’t afford the place without us, so we’re left with the choice of moving out and her losing the house or us staying here and continue paying our rent and hopefully save enough (after paying for our wedding) to buy a house and have my mom move in with us. Either way, I’ll still be living with my mom, whether it’s my house or her house, and people will judge. You just need to learn to ignore it, people don’t know what’s going on in your lives, and eventually things will work out, even if it’s differently than planned.
Post # 4
Fiance and I still live at our respective parents houses. We are in our early -mid twenties. When people ask we let them know that we are waiting until we are married to live together and staying at home rent free is the fastest way to a large down payment. We plan on purchasing our first home around the time of our wedding but I dont worry about it too much because we have the rest of our lives to wake up next to each other and to fight over the correct way to put the toilet paper on the holder…..
Post # 5
@redhead 46: We ARE in a similar boat. My fiance’s mother is having financial trouble and can’t afford the house without her son helping. She keeps saying she’s going to move into an apartment and sell us her house but she has been such a mental/emotional wreck since her husband died that I truly don’t think she’s ever going to make any decisions.
I am terrified that she is just going to let her house fall down around her and me and my fiance are going to have to bail her out. I feel like such a selfish person for even thinking that but … there you go …she keeps asking for help but won’t actually DO anything to help herself!
My mom is gaining more independence and her health is better but she still has problems. I do have a dad and a sister helping but honestly I do the most to help her. I would feel SO guilty if I left.
But when I hear a story like yours, I actually ADMIRE you for what you’re doing because you’re helping out someone you love in a tough, tough situation.
It’s just so hard sometimes. Feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions … yet…stuck …
Post # 6
Out of maybe 8 friends from high school, four still live at home. We all turned 31 last year. Some are still in school (grad school) or back at home, or only children, or saving for a house, etc. Don’t feel too bad about your situation, or let other people make you feel bad about it!
Post # 7
We both still live at home, although in our early twenties, and in school full time. Saving for school is tough enough let alone a wedding/house/everything that goes with a house. Living together would be nice and ideal, but right now it is financially not feasable.
What sucks for us is that his mother is over bearing and because he lives in her house, he must follow her rules. I understand and respect that he must do this, but come on lady – a 10pm curfew on a friday night for your 22 year old son is NOT okay. His older brother(25) also lives at home and has the same rules…he has choosen to isolate himself and not have any friends because he doesn’t like explaining why he can’t go out etc. Its really sad, she has 5 sons and does this.
Post # 8
@mmr66: My sister recently moved back home to finish her degree (after living on her own for a while) and my mom still tries to control her. She’s over 30!
Post # 9
I do…my Fiance still lives at home with his parents too. Were hoping to buy a condo straight away while were saving money since were both reluctant to rent.
Post # 10
@Stace126: Thank you for such a nice compliment! It’ll get better. We were feeling so stuck here with my mom, and for a while but I’ve accepted where we are and what the situation is. And now we have a plan and have accepted that when we move my mom will lose money on this house and some people may be mad at us, but we’re going to offer my mom to move in with us for cheap, it might not be ideal but it’s the best we can do.
Post # 11
*Sigh*. Darling Husband and I live rent-free in my parent’s in-law apartment of their house (which is basically the entire bottom floor of their house). I know the feeling. I am 24, he is 26. It’s over 6 months since our wedding and we’re still here… and it’s a bit embarassing. However, during our engagement, we were hit with a lot of unlucky situations, and we used up basically all of our savings. We’re working on replenishing it now, but both having entry-level jobs, it’s going to take forever to get out of here as well. Not helpful that we also live right outside of Boston – one of the most expensive places to live! It’s not easy starting out today. I can’t imagine that we’ll be able to buy our own home in under 2 years from now. But, you gotta do what you gotta do!
Post # 12
@kerensa: I guess what gets me is that we’re both normal, educated, respectable people who have NEVER gotten in trouble of any type. We both had the same type of upbringing, same religious beliefs, etc. Why ruin such a fun time in someone’s life?! My parents don’t exactly tell me when i can do something/go somehwere, but they do PREFER if I let them know, which I do out of respect for them, but unlike him, I don’t have to call home 10 times when we’re out on a date (not exaggerating!) ugh it gets so frustrating, but I just keep telling myself it will be worth it! haha
Post # 13
I dont anymore only because we bought a house last year, but I was almost 31 when I moved out. For me, it’s a cultural thing. It is totally normal to live at home until married or you decide to purchase a home. All my other Asian friends were in the same boat, living at home until married. Some of my other friends used to joke and poke fun at me, but it never bothered me, I just smile when I look at what I was ablel to save not paying rent all that time. Don’t worry, the time will come for you to move out with your fiance.
Post # 14
I completly understand! I am only young (19) but I had to grow up REALLY fast since I had my son at age 16. My Fiance, my son and I all live in my parents house (sad, I know). Fi is currently going to school and I start in January. Our wedding isent for another two years, and we are hoping to move out VERY soon after the wedding. My parents have a large house (5 floors) so they live in the bottom two floors, and we live in the top two floors and we share the kitchen in the middle floor. Since all they have done for us (We dont pay board, or pay for groceries, and this is going to sound reallllly bad, but she even does my laundry) we are starting to save up to send them on a vacation instead of going on a honeymoon right away, we will take our honeymoon on our anniversary. But like someone else said – you gotta do, what you gotta do!
Post # 15
My sisters lived at home unitl early to mid 30’s. I live in their house but only after they moved out to their Florida home. No shame in living at home still, it allows me to give my son a better quality of life.
Post # 16
Ohhhh I so get you I’m in the same boat Im 24 n Fiance is 27 he works full time and goes to school and I’m a stay at home mom.I get embarassed when people ask as well but I’m learning little by little to not let it affect me as much.My 4 year old always asks me when he’s gonna have his own room that breaks my heart,but I know we will have our home soon.