(Closed) Anyone suspect/know their parents don’t approve of FI? (so painful…long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry 🙁

I think your parents will eventually come around.  It doesn’t sound like they actively hate him, more like they disapprove of your choice to have a career.

I know it is so much easier said than done, but you have to stop worrying about what they think.  You are happy, and that’s all that matters.  I would completely ignore all passive aggressive comments. 

Post # 4
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry.  Your parents want the best for you.   Unfortunately, they’re so closed-minded they think their idea of what’s best for you is the only thing that’s best for you.  They’re not going to change.  Best thing you can do is accept this, and have a relationship on your terms.  Let them kindly know you won’t tolerate the cheap shots, and once they start, leave the room.  

Post # 5
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry you have to deal with this. Fiance has a similar family situation- he always tried to live up to their ridiculous expectations, and nothing was ever good enough.

There comes a point though where you can’t live your life around them and their expectations, or subject yourself to their unfounded scruntiny. Like PP mentioned, they probably don’t really have a problem with your Fiance, but more with your lifestyle, and they’re projecting their displeasure onto him because it’s easier than to think badly of their own daughter. 

I think the best thing you could do for youself is to tell them you love them and appreciate their concern, but that you are intelligent and capable, and you’re going to live your life on your own terms. Let them know that you want for them to be a part of it, but if they are going to continue to criticize and treat you and Fiance badly because you aren’t living up to their ideas of how life should be, that you will have to limit your relationship with them. Then, the ball will be in their court- and that’s really all you can do. Fiance doesn’t speak to his father because of a similar issue to yours, and while it was difficult for him to do at first, he is now far along in the process of healing emotionally and progressing in his own life. I hope your parents will understand and work on their attitudes. Good luck. 

Post # 6
3636 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Please understand that I know only what you have told me in your post, these are my thoughts:

You have never really had a good relationship with your parents and therefore I assume don’t communicate with them often or deeply.

So if I was your parents and all I heard was “FI is going on a vacation with friends” I would be very concerned and these would be my thoughts: Before the wedding? Without her? If he doesn’t earn enough to support a stay at home mum, how can he afford it? Is SHE paying for the vacation?

These are all legitimate thoughts for parents who worry about and care for you. Perhaps they know the full story (he works hard, it’s a cheap vacation etc) but if they don’t, then I can understand their point of view.

Parents are always going to see the worst side of anyone you bring into your life, it’s just their nature because they want what’s best. 

I hope that in time as they see how happy you are and how happy your future kids will be, that they will come around and mellow with time. 🙂

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