Post # 1
I am posting this in part, out of guilt. I read these boards for over a year before I joined, in order to participate in the great community you guys have going here, but ever since I joined, I realized something. I’m probably being judged.
I’m 21, you see, and I’ve been ready to get married for about a year, so I was 20 when I got bit by the marriage bug, and I feel as though people who are older, are likely bitter that I feel *I* have been waiting forever. My SO and I have been together 3 years, but there are many people here who have been together 5, or even 10+ years, and still no proposal.
Does it make me selfish, or am I ready sooner than I should be, or what? I know I can’t take back wanting to get married, and I know feeling guilty is silly… I’m just wondering if there’s anyone who is like me (early 20s, less than 5 yrs with SO) and waiting??
Post # 3
@peachykeener: No longer waiting! But I dated my DH for 9 years before getting engaged and 10 years before marrying him. We started dating at 15 and 17, got married at 25 and 27.
We didn’t want to get married until we were both financially and emotionally stable. For us, that meant finishing college (we both graduated 3 1/2 years ago), having stable jobs with good incomes and getting out of early 20’s. It’s what we wanted and what worked best for us.
As for advice, it’s great you feel ready for marriage, but does your SO feel ready? While it’s not true for all guys, a lot of guys don’t feel ready so young. So you may have to reconcile your feelings with your SO’s. If he is ready and you are both confident you are ready for marriage, then that’s great. But if isn’t, you may need ot wait a little longer. Good luck OP!
(Fyi, everybody gets judged for something. It’s either too young, too old, waiting too long, getting married to early, etc. If you are confident in your decision, there is no need to mind other people’s judgments.)
Post # 4
@peachykeener: I don’t think you are the anomoly you seem think you are
Post # 5
We got engaged on our 4 year anniversary we were both 19 🙂 We will be together for 6 years and 6 months on our wedding day and we will be 22.
Post # 6
@peachykeener: I dated my so 3+ years.
I put 26-30, but I’ll be 31 in March. LOL!
ETA: I’ve always wanted to get married and have kids. I was more okay with waiting when I was younger….I just didn’t want to rush anything, wanted to finish school, and the first man I was with didn’t ask and honestly it was the BEST thing he never did for me because that was a terrible relationship!
I wanted to get married very bad after this relationship still and was in a few awful relationships (I have NO IDEA why I wasted my time like that) and I’m so glad they didn’t ask because again, I just might have said yes for the wrong reasons!!
NOW I’m in a relationship with the best man I’ve ever dated. I feel like I went from ‘Hoping to get married one day’ to ‘finding the one’ and that is why I found the waiting hive, from googling the preengagement process and to see if anyone had been through what I’ve been through.
My point is that, I feel like most of us on here are marrying types, and we’ve always been. Once you find the one, you just know, and it changes everything!! I just hope that your man is the right one for you!!
Post # 7
I turn 24 in January and have been with my SO for almost 8 years. Having got together just after turning 16, we would have been too young before now. I really began to feel the want to be married at about 21. We wanted Uni, jobs and to move in together to come first. We’ve done those, so I certainly feel antsy about what he’s waiting for now!
Post # 8
I put 21-25, but I’ll be 26 in February. My BF and I will be approaching the three year mark then too…
Post # 9
I don’t think you should feel guilty at all! I’m 23 and am about to be engaged for a SECOND time! I got bit with the marriage bug at age 6. lolol the first time I got engaged I was 20, and had just had a baby. I tend to move at lightspeed 🙂 My SO and I have been together for a little more than a year, and I am expecting a ring sometime in Spring.
Post # 10
@peachykeener: Don’t feel guilty! Everyone has their own pace moving forward 🙂
I am a young bee too. Wanted to get married to FI since I am 19, but will be 22 when we get married 😉
Post # 11
22 will be 23 in 3 months. We’ve been toether 5 1/2 years.
Post # 12
I’m 21 (SO is 24) and have been with my SO for 3 years. We will be getting engaged in 2014. I am almost done with school (thank god!) and my SO works full time. We already share money and live together so marriage won’t really change anything for us other than my name. I think that if you are deeply committed “waiting” is hard, but you know it will happen so for me it isn’t as hard. You are not alone! make sure your SO is ready though.
Post # 13
We got engaged when I was 19 (now 20) and Fi was 21. I never felt like I was waiting though (besides the two months between buying the ring and getting engaged). We knew we were ready summer 2012 so that’s when we bought the ring! Age really doesn’t matter to us. It is very common here to get married by 21 and the majority of our high school class is engaged. We will graduate with our bachelor’s degrees, already bought a house and new cars have good careers so there’s really no reason for us to wait. We had been best friends in high school and dated for a little over 2 years when we got engaged.
Post # 14
I voted 20 or younger, and that I’ve been with my SO for over a year. I’m 19, and I’ve been with my 18 year-old DBF for a bit over a year and a half, and we’ve been talking a lot about getting engaged lately. Yesterday, DBF admitted that the only thing holding him back from proposing is that he doesn’t have a ring, if that gives you any idea. Our relationship is awesome – while we haven’t dated many other people, we are quite happy and very certain that marriage is right for us.
In terms of advice, I would ask how ready your SO is for getting engaged. I don’t know how old your SO is, but if he’s around the same age, many guys aren’t ready to propose by your age. There are a few that would love to do so, such as my DBF. If he’s not ready, you may have to wait a little longer, unfortunately.
Also, realize that getting engaged doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to get married soon. I’m not sure what your personal views are on what makes someone ready for getting engaged (should the couple be at the right place relationship-wise, or do they have to be 100% ready to get married tomorrow if they had to?), but I’d consider your feelings about longer engagements.
In my case, DBF and I would be engaged for around two to three years, but we also have a high chance of eloping when the time comes. If we both were gungho for a wedding, we’d certainly be waiting much longer. Due to us being fairly early into our relationship, a longer engagement is even more important; I know that around the two-year point in a relationship, things change drastically, so I certainly don’t want to marry during the honeymoon period.
Welcome! You may not be in the majority here, but there some of us in your boat. 🙂
Post # 15
No judgement at all!
I’ll be 25 in March, so I just barely qualify, but I was 22 when I decided I wanted to marry my SO….and I’m still waiting.
Everyone’s relationships progress at different stages, I’ve known couples who marry in their early twenties, and couples who marry in their forties! There is no “one size fits all”
Post # 16
@peachykeener: technically not waiting as we decided we are going to hold off marriage for another 4-6 years.. But I am only 20 and have been with my SO for 2.5 years and known him for 6. I have wedding fever but I know for us it makes sense to wait until we are in our mid twenties to tie the knot.