Post # 1
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
Ok, I am brand new to the Bee as of tonight and you’re all going to have a terrible first impression of me—but I am having a major problem!
Back in May, my fiance proposed with a beautiful ring (a round 3 stone, 1 ct). It wasn’t the ring I would chose for myself, but I didn’t say anything because I felt that would be rude (and afterall, it was beautiful in it’s own way and probably more than he could easily afford!). So I kept quiet and was just happy to marry my best friend.
THEN….we went wedding band shopping the other day and I hated the wedding band options I found. (We were doing two on either side of the ring) Long story short, they didn’t “fit” right with my engagement ring. There was a gap, or non-symetrical, etc, etc. We budgeted a certain amount for my wedding bands. Because of Christmas sales, I found a new setting (AND wedding band) that I loved for the same price as two of the orginal bands. I have always respected the budget, I am not a brat. I nicely suggested that I would prefer to have the e-ring reset into the other setting—especially considering that there was no cost difference! The new ring would use my original diamond, and overall it’s’ LESS ct weight (cant use all 3 stones). This is NOT about size or costs, I just want to LOVE my ring. But now he’s very upset with me, saying that the e-ring is a symbol of our marrige, not a material posession and that I disappointed him by wanting it re-set!
I understand his argument and maybe I should have said nothing. But this is a lot of money and I don’t want him to spend more money on something I don’t like. I just want to love it. It was the same price!!! Am I horrible?
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
hi evie:
there was a post about this a few weeks ago…
Be honest- are you disappointed with your ring?
Post # 4
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
Thank you for answering my questions Diva! I am brand new and trying to learn the ropes here…I appreciate your input.
Post # 5
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
no biggie!! i am always around
Post # 6
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
You are not alone, I posted this one a few weeks back as well (and I had originall picked out my OWN ring and decided I didn’t like the setting after the fact). Ironically, my desire to change my setting really stepped up a notch when I went shopping for our bands as well.
Ring Confession….
Let him cool off a little bit and just try to nicely explain that it has nothing to do with your commitment or love for him and you really appreciate the thought and effort that went into your current ring, but since you have to wear them for the rest of your lives you would be much happier if you could make the change.
Maybe the other two stones from the first setting could be turned into a nice pair of earrings as an anniversary present?
Best of luck.
Post # 7
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
I think he is being a bit silly. And honestly, despite all the “you have to wear it for the rest of your life!” that you see around in real life I think the vast majority! of women do not wear their engagement rings constantly for the rest of their lives. Take a look around a subway sometime. A lot of women only wear a wedding band, a lot of women upgrade/change, etc. Lots of engagement rings are just not practical. IMO there is a reason the traditional wedding band is plain.
I guess my point is that if he doesn’t want you to reset it then that’s kind of up to him, it was a gift. But he can’t make you love it and he can’t make you wear it, especially after you get a wedding band (that you love).
Also, maybe gently ask him if he’ll let you pick out his wedding band and wear it for the rest of his life? (Maybe gently imply it’d be blingy as hell or something else he doesn’t love.)
Engagement rings just have so much emotional meaning that all conversations about them fraught. So just have patience with each other!
Post # 8
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
Hopefully he’ll come around and realize that you just want to LOVE your ring & since it’s within budget you aren’t doing it because you are being ungrateful. Hopefully it all works out and let us know when/if you get that new setting! 🙂
Post # 9
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I hope you can get it reset! Regaqrdless of its meaning, you wear that ring every single day. You should love it. He’s taking it personally but the dude’s gotta get over it!
Post # 10
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
I know this probably isn’t too helpful, but I just wanted to point out that I actually really like ‘the gap’ between an Engagement Ring and wedding band. I think it looks a lot more interesting and not quite so “matchy matchy”. But, if you don’t like it, that’s what counts. This is a tough situation and I can see both your perspective and your fiance’s…
Post # 11
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
We are in the same boat..I want to get a slightly larger stone, I think it looks small on my manish size 8 fingers, and he keeps saying he just wants me to be happy but I can tell he is dissapointed. The way he picked out the ring wasn’t traditional by any means. We had almost no budget, it was actually part of an insurance settlement so it’s not like he saved up or anything and it wasn’t a surprise. I made a wish list of rings I liked within our budget but of course if we had more money to spend I would’ve picked a different ring, much different. Options are very limited with a 500$ budget! We already changed the setting bc the diamond fell out THE NEXT DAY and he understood that but I don’t think in our situation he should feel bad at all. It’s a blue diamond and I made it clear I would never change that for the world, I only want it bigger. Honestly, we have more money now and I feel like I deserve something more than a $500 ring. I also felt a little silly because we are having a fairly nice wedding and I wanted a fairly nice ring to go with it.
We are going through with it, he’s saving up for it though for his own confidence in the situation and I’m sure he’ll get over it. I think the wedding band itself has more meaning and significance, no matter who picks it out, because it is with that ring we are pledging our lives together. I hope I can get him to see my side of the story!
Post # 12
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
I went through the same situation. I had showed my Fiance before he proposed some styles I liked but of course they were online and the pictures are deceiving, they look nice and big online but in reality for the price, you get much smaller 🙂 He chose a three stone ring which I always said I didn’t want a one stone ring but I too felt the ring was much too small for my big hands. I felt horrible but I can’t hide my feelings, it just doesn’t work for me. The band is very dainty and I just didn’t like it. We looked at different settings, or using my diamonds for a new ring but it never felt right. Getting a completely new ring wouldn’t be what he chose for me.
The jeweler then sugested adding a band of pave diamonds on each side of my ring. This really thickened it up for me and felt much better on my finger. I really liked the idea as it allowed me to keep what he picked out for me. We added one of the bands to the e-ring now and will add the top one as our wedding band.
In a disagreement between my fiance and I it came up that what he got me wasn’t good enough for me (these were his words). I realized how much it hurt him that I had to add to the ring. To be completely honest I still have a hard time with my ring. I am constantly looking at other peoples rings in envy of how thick they look on their fingers. I refuse to say another word about my ring tho. The ring symbolizes his love and commitment to me and that is what matters.
Member