MemberDo you think that being divorced slows down the process or not? I read somewhere recently that divorced men are quicker to propose to their second wife then they were their first.
MemberI always thought they’d be slower to commit because they’d be afraid of being burned again. Although I suppose if they’ve committed once then they’re more likely to do so again…
MemberMy bf is divorced and believe me is taking longer to propose to me than he did his XW. But I totally understand why, he got engaged in college and got married at 22 because he felt like he was “supposed to” I want him to propose to me when it feels absolutely right, not just because its the next step… I never said I was totally patient though 🙂
MemberMy cousin is a 2nd wife. Her husband proposed after only 6 months as opposed to 2 years with his 1st wife.
MemberMy partner has been divorced, and in his case he’s taken a lot longer than he did the first time (1yr vs 2.5yrs and counting) A massive part of the delay was that he was VERY badly burnt by the ex, when they split he didn’t even consider ever being with anyone ever again.
He told me that part of him felt the urge to propose around the 1yr mark because that was the “right thing to do” – even though I was feeling a bit of an itch to take the next step, I told him if he was going to propose at all, it should be cos he actually wanted to, not due to some arbitrary time frame. So yeah – we’re nearly there, the ring is bought & the proposal is impending. And he’s worth the wait 🙂
MemberLonger here – I actually left him because he just could not bring himself to that next step with me after a failed marriage 12 yrs ago and a failed engagement (she started cheating on him shortly after they got engaged) 5 yrs ago. I felt like I was being punished for the mistakes of others. After I left he had a good long think about things and eventually proposed, and things couldn’t be better than they are right now.
Member@Snow00774: I know what you mean – it’s hard to come after someone who hurt your partner & deal with the baggage that comes with it. There have been times where I’ve said/done the most harmless things, and without knowing these are things that are a reminder to him of the ex & what she did. And they have kids, so there’s a lifetime connection there, in the background.
Member@mcgoo: No kids in my situation, so I wish you lots of patience and luck with yours – I couldn’t imagine how much that adds to the reminders and ties you just wish they could walk away from sometimes but in that situation then never can.
It does suck when you know you will never get to be the ‘first’ or maybe the one he was so excited and enthusiastic to be married to and that the past may have jaded him (or her) a bit.
Member
Hey Bees ,
I’ve been with my SO for almost two years now (living together for one year). He is divorced and his ex cheated on him during marriage. He also has two children with her.
His plan is to propose in 2012, but he is not giving any other details LOL wants to keep it a surprise totally.
MemberI think sometimes it can slow the process.
For DH & I, I was the one who was married once before. I was definately gun-shy to get engaged even though I knew I wanted to be with DH. We finally did get engaged and married obviously, but we probably would have sooner if I wasn’t so apprehensive to the idea at first.
Getting divorced was an absolutely horrible experience, even though I was the one who moved out. But it sucked big time, words can’t describe. In the illogical part of my mind, I figured if I never got married again I’d never have to go through getting divorced again. I had to get over that.
Member@Sugaree: That’s true with my Fiance. He took 5 years to propose to his ex and just under 2 years to propose to me. That being said, he said he felt a lot of pressure with his ex to “do the right thing” and marry her because it was the next logical step if you have been dating 5 years and living together. He said he never felt it from within.
With me he has wanted to propose since our 1st anniversary, but I told him to wait until we had more money, stability, etc.
I would assume that the difference in proposal would depend on why he proposed the first time. If a man rushed into proposing and later reflected that it was puppy love, I would assume he would wait longer.
MemberThanks for the input.
SO and I have both been married before. For the most part, he’s always been more open than me to the idea of getting married again. He dated his ExW for 10 years before getting married! And even then they only got married because she needed insurance. We’re at two-ish years now and talking about TTC in October. He wants to be married before that time, so we’ll see how this plays out (Neither of us have any kids yet).
MemberWell good luck – it can difficult waiting (lord knows I’ve had my antsy days) but if they’re the right person, they’re worth the wait 🙂
Membermy boyfriend was never married, but engaged twice, first gal they both ended it. second one, she broke up with him. he was engaged to them around year three. we are on year five of being together and still no ring.
supposedly I will be getting engaged some time this year.
I’m having one of those days, hence the snark towards my situation.
MemberDH proposed to his first wife after 1 year, and they married after a year-long engagement. The divorce was finalized on their third wedding anniversary.
We met online, and were only a couple for a few weeks before he flew out to meet me in person. He proposed on the third day of that trip, but it would be another 6 1/2 years before we actually got married.
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