- 5 years ago
Are you with someone who has cheated on you in the past? Or just did something that hurt you in a smilar way? How did you get past it? Do you still think about it? Please answer that question……the next part is more for clarification ….
I am still pretty new to this site, but I did place a post before if you’re interested….http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/broken-hearted-what-do-i-do#axzz2YVqaA3ie
Anyway the basics are that my boyfriend who I’ve been with for 6 years told me a few things that made me upset.
“I don’t know if I love you as much as you love me”
“I don’t know if I would care if I hurt you”
And told me that a few years ago he made out with a girl at a party.
I don’t want this post to be crazy long like my last one, but I felt like I got good advice from some girls on the bee, even if some was hard to hear. I decided to try to forgive him for what he said and for the fact that he cheated on me by making out with some girl. We fought about what when on for a while, moslty me repeating the same lines to him:
“How do I know that you LOVE me, when you yourself said you didn’t know?”
“How can I ever trust you again, knowing that you cheated on me and did not tell me for YEARS?”
and then the basic…………”How could you do this to me????”
He has been pretty great through all of this. He gave me time away from him when I needed it and let me talk to my friends to try to figure out what I wanted. We have had a few fights about things. One being I started reading his texts and emails….after him flirting with this coworker I wanted to know what they discussed. Honestly I never really found anything, but he got mad when he found out I had been snooping. I sort of understand why he was mad at me looking through things (In our 6 year relationship I have never snooped before), but Since what happened I think I have a right to know what’s going on with him and others. I don’t want to be the crazy girl that spys though…….. :/
The thing is, I don’t trust him now. It has been a month or so I’m not exactly sure of the date, maybe less that that. But, he has honestly made an effort to talk to me about his feelings. He had a really awkward conversation with his female coworker for me *the one he had thoughts about hooking up with* and has pretty much complied with what I wanted. He is annoyed a little that I still don’t trust him and especially that I question his feelings for me. The last time that he fought he said he didn’t know how I could question our whole relationship and his feelings for me because of one fight, etc, etc…
I told him that I would NEVER in a million years have cheated on him, even if it was just making out, and then LIED about it. I also never would have said the things he said about not being sure that he loved me.
I just don’t know how to move past this. I think about the things he said to me ALL THE TIME. Even though he has worked pretty hard to show me he still wants to be with me, I just can’t believe him any more. It makes him upset when I tell him I still have doubts, but he understand why I do and is trying to give me time to come to terms with it.
Ok, to be honest I have had a little bit of vodka cranberry tonight, which may have caused my rambling, but I really do wish for some sound advice.
I am wondering if any bees have forgiven someone for cheating or something similar. How did you learn to trust again.?????
I really need help on trying to move past this. I understand those bees that told me they would never forgive him for what happened, but I’ve been with him for 6 years and known him since I was 12. I think he is a good person, and I WANT to believe him. If you would never forgive a cheater that is fine and honestly that’s what I’d say to a friend (In fact, I have said that to many friends) , but I am really looking for advice from someone who has forgiven someone for cheating or anything that could mess up a relationship.
Again, sorry if this turned into some long annoying ramble, I am just really confused and none of my friends have been in a similar situation. Sorry, bees……