(Closed) Anyone wish they could have a Waiting Process reboot?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Ever wish you could reboot your waiting process and have a fresh start?
    Yes, I'd like a reboot : (10 votes)
    37 %
    No, I'm glad our process went the way it did : (9 votes)
    33 %
    It wasn't great, but it made us stronger : (7 votes)
    26 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I wwas AWFUL during the waiting process. I was really hurt that he’d said outright that he wanted to marry me and even had the ring but hadn’t asked.

    I caused fights all the time about it. I nagged. I pleaded. I was horrible. I’m really lucky that he didn’t dump me (though I think having a house together may have helped).

    That said, we did have a few constructive conversations where we agreed a timescale for when we wanted to get married (and eventually the deadline before which he would propose).

    Has he said that he wants to marry you? Being 25 is still pretty young. You’ve got lots of time for everything.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1458 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    That is so sad 🙁 my boyfriend says one of the happiest days of his life is when I told him I wanted to spend forever with him.  I’m sorry yours reacted so badly.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee

    @abirdword:  I’m sorry to hear that things have been a bit rough. 

    I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing that your SO feared losing you.  SO and I had a really bad argument once, and he thought I was thinking it was over while I thought he was thinking it was over.  (If that makes any sense!)  I definitely thought for a while that the whole ordeal was a crack in our foundation, but with a heart to heart discussion, a lot of sincere appologies, and time, we are stronger than ever. 

    Maybe you should tell your SO how you feel in a very non-confrontational kind of way.  Give him the chance to explain himself, too.  Maybe he didn’t mean to react the way he did.  Talking about things like this is how we grow both individually and as a couple.  Knowing where eachother is coming from is the only way you can meet in the middle and make things work.

    Post # 9
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My waiting period is, and has recently become, so difficult.  Like all ladies, sometimes I have bad waiting weeks, sometimes I have wonderful ones.  This past week was going most excellently until Mr. Beary told me that since we both feel engaged, that we ARE engaged. . .but then later tells me that he wouldn’t consider us engaged till I have a ring on my finger.  Horrible thing to realize: he wants to propose when we’re “fully” settled.  That won’t happen for years, as I have yet to finish school and he is getting his teaching credentials.  That just broke my heart.  I want a ring for one of two reasons: 1. I’m old fashioned.  2. A ring on my finger would show people that I am in a serious relationship with a man I adore — so back off!  Otherwise, a ring means nothing to me.  Having my man there for the rest of my life is what makes me blissfully happy.  But understanding his logic in the pre-engagement stage is just impossible.

    He refers to me as his “fiance” and it doesn’t make me blink twice — it feels natural!  But him wanting to wait until we’re fully settled down when I wanted a long engagement period just broke my heart.  When you love someone, you can’t wait to start the rest of your lives together.  Hence me being hurt and confused, it hits me at bad times and we’ve had some pretty grusome arguements over his logic and being practical.  This may sound horrific, but I wish I could re-do the waiting period to where I never brought up marriage and paid more attention to my wants and needs and getting out there and doing more hobbies that I’ve been wanting to do than being upset over something that will eventually happen.

    Post # 10
    Member
    347 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Only thing I would do differently would be to save more money! We really only started to save once we got engaged…I wish i’d used that time more wisely!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee

     @abirdword:  I’m glad you guys were able to really talk.  It may take some time to really start to feel the changes, but just knowing you’re on the same page and have the same willingness to make things right is such a great feeling!

    Post # 12
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My wait is not yet over… I have some AWFUL waiting days and some WONDERFUL ones as well.  It all comes down to the fact that I love him and want to marry him.  Even though we’ve had our bumps, I don’t think I’d reboot the process.  I’ve learned a lot and I think he has as well. I have a feeling that once we get engaged all that waiting anxiety/frustration will disapear and leave us stronger. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @katiebeary: I almost felt like I was reading my story!  Except I’m done with my degree, we’re just waiting on Boyfriend or Best Friend to finish law school.  He calls me his Fiance around his friends, but IMO I’m not really his Fiance until he’s ready to call me that around our families.

    I only wish I could have a waiting ‘reboot’ because my Boyfriend or Best Friend got me SO PSYCHED to get married when we were both done undergrad, then after he finished/shortly before my senior year we had to push it back :/  It originally felt like this awesome secret we shared, like (I assume) that moment where you are engaged but haven’t told anyone yet.  Now it feels like old hat and just a little bitter.  I’m not resentful of Boyfriend or Best Friend though, its honestly out of his control too, but some days its hard to beat that back into my skull, haha.

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