(Closed) Anyone with a higher sex drive than their partner?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll:
    Yes but he has a low sex drive : (11 votes)
    18 %
    Yes but I have a high sex drive : (28 votes)
    46 %
    We are about equal : (12 votes)
    20 %
    No but I have a low sex drive : (6 votes)
    10 %
    No but he has a high sex drive : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    1188 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I am, up until the past two months (pregnant and have health problems).  But for the rest of our relationship, I’ve definitely been the one with the higher sex drive.  

    Post # 4
    146 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I do as well. But his drive is pretty high, he’d be thrilled with 1-2 times a day, me 2-4 times but realistically we average just every day once because of our schedules

    Post # 5
    4062 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d prefer every other day at least. He’s fine with 2-3 times a week. So we’re close, but I’d be happier with a bit more frequency.

    With our schedules it’s hard though. I’m up at 5:30am every day – he’s not up until 9 or so (he works from home). I’m in bed reading by 9:30 and usually asleep by 10pm. He’s up until midnight most nights.

    Post # 6
    9674 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    Mine is MUCH higher than FI’s. Although it has gone down a bit since I have been taking Lithium. But before that I would want it every day, would be happy doing it a few times on the weekend, but we only did it once a month or less, because he didn’t want it as much. I see on other threads about the opposite problem, ‘why should it happen whenever the higher sex drive wants it’ I think it is the opposite, sex is restricted to when the person with lower sex drive wants it. And usually don’t try foreplay to get them in the mood, they just say no flat out.

    Sorry for the long response, this is a sensitive topic for me.

    Post # 8
    41 posts
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m sooo the one with the higher sex drive!  Mr.M had a bad relationship for so long, and was turned away from sex.  We’ve had our frustrations.  He used to get mad that when I would try to get some affection, and he didn’t want it, that I would get upset.  For me, it’s just another way of showing him how much I love him.  He doesn’t see it that way.  I’ve learned to deal with the issues, to quit trying, and to just let it happen.  Once I did that, things got better.  We’ve gone from once every couple of weeks to at least once a week.  I know that doesn’t seem like often, but because of our schedules, that’s how it goes.  I know that when it does happen, it’s going to be fantastic!

    Post # 9
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Payless:  No, luckily we are evenly (and highly matched). I can’t imagine marrying someone I wasn’t sexually compatible with. We have sex between 5 to 7 times per week, which works for us both. It was more when we were “new” and a lot less busy.

    Post # 10
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    We used to be just about even – we would have sex probably twice a day (How did we ever get anything done?!) Then as things progressed, Darling Husband would still be happy with twice a day, but I’m more settled into the 4-5 times a week. But I remember those days! Enjoy your high sex drive – and don’t be ashamed of it! Men certainly aren’t when they’re the ones with a higher drive.

    Post # 11
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Jacqui90:  this is the biggest issue we have as well And i guess I have this thing with control issues too. I feel like when he doesn’t want to have sex that he is being withholding so that he can have some kind of control. I’m sure it’s the last thing on his mind but that’s how it feels. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even try anymore because I don’t want to feel rejected. It’s frustrating when it’s the only way you know how to show affection and your partner doesn’t allow it Or want it as much as you. Sometimes I wish I could go back to having no sex drive at all like with my ex So that I can avoid hurting my own feelings 

    Post # 12
    11422 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I generally do not comment too frequently on intimacy threads. However, I will say that I was a 47-year-old virgin (by choice, due to my faith) who married a very busy and exhausted 46-year-old, divorced father, who has a very demanding job (senior pastor) that generally requires him to work all, or parts, of seven days a week — especially  weekends.

    Because of our very strong beliefs, we chose to do nothing with each other but kiss prior to marriage.  Given my background and the fact that we had committed to purity in our relationship prior to marriage, I certainly was looking forward to the opportunity to make up for a lot of “lost time” after our wedding, lol! Laughing  

    However, the logistics of our newly married life (spending almost the entire first year of our marriage in separate states for half of each week, while I wrapped up my job in my state and could sell my house and relocate to DH’s town full time; being realistic about the fact that Darling Husband has children, two of whom are under 18 and live with us 50 percent of the time; adjusting for the fact that Darling Husband is a night owl and loves to stay up quite late and sleep in when possible, and I am a morning person who is exhausted in the wee hours of the morning and loves to awaken early; and accounting for the fact that DH’s job requires him to invest so much of himself in the lives of others that, when he does have down time, he just wants to sleep or do mindless things such as play video games and watch TV), we really did not have a lot of opportunity for romance.

    We had a very difficult time managing our priorities and expectations after we were married, and this area of our lives was no exception.  I am thankful, however, that, now that we are four years into our marriage, we have managed to work together to narrow the gap between the “ideal” and the “real.” Smile

    Post # 14
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @lightmist:  Wow! I could have written that myself.

    I definitely have the higher sex drive in my relationship. I would prefer every other day. Fiance is fine with once a week. Fiance had cancer last year and it really did a number on his testosterone/sex drive. We’re slowly but surely recovering from it Smile

    Post # 16
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Mine fluctuates a lot with stress… but we never go below our average of 1x a day even if we skip a day or 2. When we have a bit more time, or on weekends, sometimes it’s 2-3x a day… or even 4. 😀 

    I think we’re about the same usually, but I go through periods of being turned on almost all the time. lol

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