Post # 1
I have always found the weddingbee to be very understanding so I thought I would post here. I have had a very hard weekend with some family issues. However, I wanted to vent about my Future Mother-In-Law and what she has done to upset me. I was just hoping maybe someone had a similar situation and would understand how I felt.
So, FI’s aunt is throwing my a bridal shower in a few weeks for his mother’s side of the family and some of her friends. First, I had trouble with her on the invite list because she wanted to invite alot of people that I had never met and would not be inviting to the wedding (she has added more people to the wedding to make the guest list at the max we can have). I gave her a copy of the finalized guest list and told her that we should only invite people that are invited to the wedding to the shower. She insisted that she had friends that wouldn’t care to not be invited to the wedding. Which I told her I didn’t agree with that.
Anyway, what really upset me was that tonight she informed me that the invitations had been sent out over the weekend and she added one person that I might be upset about coming to my shower. This turns out to be my father’s girlfriend, whom I am not very close with. If I was closer to her it would be different. My parents are divorced and don’t really speak unless it is necessary. This makes it very hard for me with wedding things. She knows this but does not know that things have been very hard lately between everyone (long story). My mother will be coming and will get to meet more of FI’s family, so I was really excited about this. However, my mother will be upset if she is there and will be very uncomfortable. They will NEVER really speak do not have good feelings toward each other. I just feel like she should have asked me before inviting her so I could have said that it would not be the best idea. Dad’s girlfriend will not know anyone there either so it will be hard for her. I know they should all be adults about it and get along, but thats easier said than done. Thats not really the point anyway….my feelings are hurt because she did not care to ask my opinion on the situation when she already knew it was difficult, plus she herself said I would not be happy about it and it was a bad idea. So why would you do it?!?!
Ugh…sorry for the long vent! Anyone else with a similar situation???
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Parkwood International Golf Course
That is a hard situtaion. Maybe your Future Mother-In-Law wanted to send the invite to your fathers girlfriend as more or a courtesy? If she will not know anyone at the shower and is obviously aware of your mother’s feelings than see more than likely won’t attend.
Still you have a point. If it was me I would have wanted my Future Mother-In-Law to confer with me first.
Post # 4
@ConRtist: Thanks Im glad someone understands and I’m not just over reacting. I just don’t understand her because when she told me she did it she said I would be mad. I thought bridal showers weren’t suppose to make the bride mad?? Ugh…I just wish she would have brought it up with me, and not go behind my back, she doesn’t even know his girlfriend at all.
Post # 5
Hm, that’s too bad. Your Future Mother-In-Law definitely should’ve talked to you about it first. Do you think your father’s gf will even come?
At my SIL’s shower, her mother was there of course, but her step-mother was as well. My SIL did not want her involved in any way with the wedding, does not have a good relationship with her, freaks if you refer to her as her step-mother (she doesn not consider her any kind of mother – not even a step mother) but it worked out that her mother sat at a table on one side of the room and her step mom sat on the other side of the room seperately and all worked out. Her step mother just kind of found people to talk to. Perhaps this would just work itself organically once the shower gets started?
Post # 6
I have to say I kind of argee with sending her an invitation it was the right thing to do. However I can see why you would be upset about how it was done, behind your back. All and all I would say just let it go. You did say your Dad’s girlfriend wouldn’t know anyone else invited so she may not come anyway. If she does then It would be a good idea to ackowledge the fact that she is there to support YOU not to cause issues. I’m sure your Mum will understand and you’ll find that they will most likely say away from eachother and be nice to eachother for your sake.
Just enjoy the fact that so may people are coming to share this wonderful occasion with you.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies. Part of it is that she has been trying to invite people to the wedding and shower all along that I am not comfortable with and doesn’t really care about mine or FI’s feelings. I think this just pushed me over the edge emotionally that she didn’t even ask and then she admits that I will be mad about it.