(Closed) Anyone with adult stepsiblings?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do I have to invite my cold, unfriendly stepsiblings, even if it means cutting friends/family?
    Yes. Even if they are cold and don't include you, rise above it and invite them to be polite. : (7 votes)
    19 %
    No. Don't cut people you care about to invite them. : (30 votes)
    81 %
    Other (please explain) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    That’s your call, though whose to say they would expect an invite?  My FI’s mom recently got married and his step-dad has two kids and step-kids; we aren’t inviting any of them, no one said anything, and I don’t believe they expected to get anything since we don’t ever really talk to them (we last saw them at the wedding and barely spoke to them, not out of anger or anything, but just because).  Also, we really only wanted to limit invites to close family (and unfortunately, some folks we just had to invite) and close friends (no “and plus guest” for singles).

    If you are paying for the wedding and add to that that these are just nasty folks, why ruin your big day?  You can always have a dinner for the family after the fact, but I say no.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3979 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I’ve only met my adult stepsiblings once… and I would never invite them to my wedding over my close family & friends! We had nothing to talk about & they were just not my type of people. 

    They didn’t invite you to milestone moments in their lives, I don’t think you need to invite them to yours! You should be surrounded by loved ones on your wedding day… not cold, unfriendly strangers!

    Post # 5
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I ALWAYS forget that Darling Husband technically has 3 step-siblings. One is little (like 5) and the other two are like college-age. I haven’t met them and he hasnt’ seen them in 5 years cuz they live in VA.

    So uh, we didn’t invite them. I always forget about them and say that Darling Husband has “one sister” but technically he has more

    If they are rude and you don’t see them that often, don’t invite them. If they say anything to you, just say it was out of respect for your mother.

    Post # 7
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’m in the same boat! A stepsister and stepbrother, both grown, married, and with kids. Totally awful and cold to me. My dad made it clear that I had to invite them, but as they live a long flight away from where the wedding will be, and we have a no-kids policy, I doubt they will come. We actually made the no-kids policy hoping that it would make it where they couldn’t – none of our close friends/family have young children! So, we did our invite duty (without blowing our guest list for our small wedding on their 80 gazillion children). Fingers crossed it works the way we think. The stepbrother RSVP’d YES to my brother’s wedding and then didnt show – we doubt he’ll do that to us, since this is out of town and my brother’s wedding was in the same town they live in.

    Post # 8
    Member
    306 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Fiance has recently acquired step-siblings, but they’re nice, so they’re invited 🙂 I say the rule of reciprocity applies – they didn’t invite, you don’t invite.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    My biological fathers wife has 2 spawn.  One of them is EVIL and she would never be invited.  The other is nice but we do not talk so he is not invited.  I am already being really really nice by inviting my father’s EVIL wife!  The EVIL Stepmother in Cinderella has nothing on this woman…

    Post # 10
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    OH gotcha. I totally misunderstood. If your mother thinks you should invite them, I would. Especially if she feels it could make it awkward for her down the road even though I”d really hate to do it and cut out friends in the process.

    Post # 11
    Member
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I barely know my step-brothers but they’re always nice so my situation is different.  Honestly I hadn’t planned on inviting them since we’re keeping the wedding small but my step-dad really wanted them there and offered to pay for them so we did.  So I answered “other” — I did invite them but didn’t have to choose them over others we did want to invite since we didn’t have to pay. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    202 posts
    Helper bee

    In your situation, it sounds like you have no reason to invite them.  Don’t include people you know either won’t come or will come and be deliberately unpleasant the entire time. Smile

    Post # 14
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My family is in a weird situation because my mom and stepdad are recently divorced, nobody talks to him at all, but my older stepsister and I are really close. she’s one of my best friends so she is also one of my bridesmaids.

    You’re situation is different but If they are that miserable and treat you poorly then I definitely don’t think they deserve an invite. And if they didn’t invite you to their wedding then they probably aren’t expecting an invite to yours. I would definitely keep the people you are close to on the list rather than inviting them.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    Honestly, they sound awful, they treat you poorly, they don’t include you in anything–why would you want them at your wedding?  And in addition to that….what makes anyone think they would WANT to come to your wedding?  I mean, I get that your mom doesn’t want things to awkward, but they would only be awkward if the step siblings are expecting an invitation and then don’t get one–but it doesn’t sound like they’re expecting one.  It seems to me that they’re not expecting to be invited (if they are, they’re crazy), so they won’t care when they’re not, so there won’t be any awkwardness for your mom.  Good luck!

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