Anyone with an Emotionally Unavailable significant other?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - backyard

I don’t have any experience but it sounds like you really care about each other and I don’t think ending things (as your friend suggested) is the solution right now. However, I wouldn’t get engaged before addressing this. If he’s willing to do counseling, do that before moving forward in your relationship. Good luck! I hope everything works out for you both. 

Post # 3
Hostess
3935 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

lala0825 :  One of my best friends is in a relationship like this.  If your best friend had the courage to tell you that she thinks you’re settling, despite knowing how in love you are, and you trust her, I’m inclined to think she’s probably right.  I personally am not very emotional but would have a really hard time with an emotionally unavailable partner like your SO. 

I don’t have any answers, but these are issues that are likely going to be present in your lives forever, so I would really think about what you want and if this is something you are ok with if things never improve.  I agree with PP that individual counselling for him could be beneficial and I would want to wait to get engaged.  Once you’re swept up in that excitement, it’ll be more difficult to see him without rose colored glasses.

Post # 4
Hostess
4050 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My Darling Husband can be un-emotional to a degree. But I have an independent streak a mile wide, so I think it bothers me less than it may bother others. And over the years I have learned to say “I need more from you right now” and he provides it. He has aknowledged that tendency and I have learned how to call him out on it. And the level of affection he provides me has grown and grown over time as he adapts and learns how to be a more loving person.

This is definitely NOT a statement that everyone is capable of change or growth! I have seen the opposite where I spent years begging for a shred of affection and not receiving shit until I left. But this man, in this relationship has shown amazing growth and has made some pretty big changes because he wants to be good at being in this relationship and good at loving me. We’re still a work in progress, but we are getting pretty good at it. 

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