(Closed) Anyone work opposite schedules? What's the most difficult thing?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@oracle:  I work typical office hours while Fiance works retail. His stores hours range from 6:30 AM-10:00 PM and his shifts change every week. I also work completely alone, so on nights when he closes I literally spend all day and night alone. I think the worst thing is that when he closes and gets home at 10:30 I really want to talk to him and spend some time with him when I should be sleeping. I lose a lot of sleep during the week becasue I wait for him to come home and it can take him an hour to calm down enough for bed after a stressful day. The other thing that can be tricky is coordinating chores like grocery shopping (we live on the 3rd floor with no elevator and it’s much easier if we can both carry groceries).

We went from 4 years of LDR to this, so while I do get lonely and miss him, I remind myself that it’s a lot better than where we were a year ago. You just have to remember to make time for yourselves as a couple, and spend what time you can together.

Post # 4
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Adding a comment for follow up. I may consider going to an evening shift if we have a baby and want to save money on daycare so I’m curious to hear what others think. 

Post # 5
Member
2611 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Darling Husband is 7am-3pm Monday thru Friday & I work retail where my hours can very any time between 5:30-10:30pm on any day of the week.  It’s not so bad as far as the day by day hours ago, but it is draining when you two haven’t had the same day off &/or quality time in a while.  I try to request one Saturday off a month that is *our* day.  Sometimes we run errands, other times we do something fun, & sometimes we just don’t anything but veg around, but I look forward to those Saturdays!!  Otherwise, we sleep next to each other every.single.night & what I wouldn’t give to give every woman that opportunity, so I know I’m lucky in that regard.  It’ll work out & you guys will find your groove :]

Post # 6
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We used to.  I was the 3rd shifter (11pm to 8am), he was normal hours.  It sucks, there’s no nice way to say it.  I was exhausted when he wanted to go out and do things, he couldn’t stay up late because he had to be at work the next day.  It’s harder on the odd shift person TBH, because the rest of the world functions during daylight hours, and no one understands that their kid running around outside playing loudly at 11am is horrible if you’re trying to get some sleep.  Oh, and trying to keep opposite hours on weekends is brutal on your rest cycles. 

We hated it, fought because of it and everyone I worked with that was 2nd or 3rd shift in a relationship hated it.  My solution was to get a job with normal hours.  I cannot even begin to tell you how much better everything became.  How do you make it work?  Make sure it’s not a long term solution.  It’s got a lot of similiarity to LDRs.  It’s only functional if there’s a plan to correct it.

Post # 7
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We are about to start this as well and I am trying to stay optimistic. It is only temporary until FH gets the experience he needs, and he starts the new job next week. I’ll be working 8-4 and he’ll be working 2-10pm. I do at least work from home, so I’ll still get to see him even if I’m technically working, but it’s definitely going to be an adjustment for us. I’m just glad we’ll still at least get to sleep together at night. 

Good luck OP!

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@oracle:  

I work Mon-Fri 9-5… Fiance is a restaurant manager, so his schedule is different EVERY week.. his hours are usually 1pm to anywhere from 10pm to 2am.. depending on when he gets out/busyness of the restaurant.. and it bites the big one. We met working at said restaurint, so I knew what I was getting into from the beginning.. but I won’t lie, it’s very hard to come home to an empty house 5 days a week, to hardly ever see him on the weekends.. sometimes I feel like I live with a roommate and not my Fiance, since we hardly see each other. I try to keep busy and we have a dog who keeps me company & entertained–pretty sure I’d go nuts without our dog around to talk to! I do get lets of girlfriend time though, and that’s great, they know it’s hard on me & make sure to always include me in their plans so I’m not sitting home alone every Saturday.

The first 6 months were really rough, going from living at home when someone was always there with me, to being alone 90% of the time was hard. But I’ve grown used to it, and as much as it sucks, I know this is how our life will be.. Fiance has no intentions of leaving the restaurant world & I wouldn’t ask him to.

The best part (for us) is when we DO get to spend time together it’s wonderful! We never fight & we make sure to take advantage of our time together. The rare occassions he has off a Saturday or Sunday is the BEST, I feel like a “normal” couple. So make sure when you do have time together you appreciate it & fill it with lots of fun stuff. You’ll eventually get into a groove & figure out what works best for you.. and you’ll be fine! Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m not married yet but Fiance and have been living together for about three years. He works shift work — either 7 to 3 (which was my favourite shift b/c we’d get home around the same time), 3 to 11 or 11 to 7, (with a 2+ hour drive :S) 7 days a week, with one week off during the month, and I was (which is another story…) working ‘regular’ M to F, 8:30 to 5. I second what another bee said about making sure you pick a day or two a month for some quality time. On my weekends off, if he was working 3 to 11, I’d stay up and spend an hour with him. Sometimes if he was working 11 – 7, we’d do breakfast and I’d go into work a bit late (and stay a bit late… I had a flexible’ish schedule though so that was okay.) So, we both sacrificed some sleep, but we kind of felt it was worth it considering how we were living opposite lives some days. And of course, on his weeks off, at least one of the days was set aside for straight US time, no one else. πŸ™‚

 

It’s tough but you’ll get used to it! Best of luck xoxo

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Eckle:  I work retail like your Fiance. It’s definitely tough having the schedule change up so constantly. My Darling Husband works 8-6 Monday through Saturday, his only day off is Sunday…and I work tuntil 7 or 8 every Sunday. It sucks. OP, what makes it easier for me is knowing that there is an end point (for me it’s because I’m leaving after having my baby in May!), and it sounds like you’ll have that since it will change every 6 months. The hardest part for me is that both Darling Husband and I tend to need some alone time to decompress when we get home from work – chill in front of the computer or TV, him playing his guitar, me reading a book, whatever. That’s tough to do when we don’t have much time between me getting home and him going to bed, or if one of us has already been alone for hours and is ready for some human interaction and the other person isn’t. Depends on your personality though, it may not be an issue for you guys.

Post # 11
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would like to clarify one thing.  There’s a HUGE difference between 2nd shift and 3rd shift.  2nd is easy. You’re still awake when most people are, you’re just up later.  It’s the overnight shifts that are killer. 

@jny1179:  Don’t do it unless you have no other options.  I knew several moms when I worked overnights that did it, and not a single one was happy about it.  They all ended up switching back to days.  The thing is, you’re both all alone with the baby when you’re home and there’s no support.  You can’t ask for help, because he’ll be at work.  Especially with a first baby, if you possibly can be on the same shift, do it.  The $ for daycare is worth it.

Post # 12
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh you are going to count your blessings when I tell you our schedule.

 

I’m a full time student. I”m typically out the door by 5am, in class or at the hospital until 3-4pm, monday throught friday. I also work part-time 3pm-10pm saturday and sunday.

 

My husband has two jobs. He works 8:00am to 5:00pm monday through friday and at his night job he works 10:30pm to 6:30am monday through friday.

I sleep alone, every night of the week. I don’t see him in the morning, ever, ever, ever. The only time I do see him is when he gets off his day shift job and drags himself to bed for a few hours of sleep before the next set of shifts. I spend a few monemts, talking his ear off until he dozes off, we don’t even usually get to eat together…and then it’s back to my office to finish writing papers, preparing for exams, etc until I see him off to work at 10:00pm.

On the weekend, he usually sleeps while I study until it’s time for work, and I say goodbye to him when I leave for work at 3pm both saturday and sunday, he’s usually sleeping. When I come home from work at 10pm on the weekends..he’s sleeping, or he’s just coming home from vistiing my parents or our friends, and then he wants to go to sleep again.

Hardest part is just wanting to spend time with him when I can’t…wanting to take a drive with him, when I can’t…

I look forward to breaks between quarters or holidays because it’s the only time we will get to spend real, quality time together…and when those days come, it’s heaven! 

We do make the best of the very short time we spend together a day depending how tired either of us is, we still make the best of it,, wether it’s to grab a quick bite, or make love or watch 30 minutes of everybody loves raymond..it’s precious time together

Obviously the plan is that the stars will align for us someday soon and I will be done with school, and working full time so that he can quit one of his jobs…but even if I end up working at a hospital on night shift while he’s on days….we will still be spending a heck of a lot more time together than we do now!

Make the most of your days off…enjoy it! 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I work 9-5ish Monday through Friday and he works 2pm-12:30am plus a long commute SUNDAY through Wednesday… It’s bad because I end up staying up see him at night and then am dead at work in the morning… We’re dealing with it because it gets him necessary work experience and he can take grad classes in the morning that he normally wouldn’t be able to, so it’s all worth it and is temporary, but it sucks… I think for me it’s been especially hard because I don’t have a car, family in the area, or many friends because we moved here recently, so I went from being fine with it because he was always home when I was to no one… I seriously need to figure out how to make friends haha

Post # 14
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My partner is in grad school full time and works full time, plus clinicals (unpaid but at least they’re part time). I have my job, my freelance job, and my volunteer job. i’m also on leave from graduate school. His work hours are 7pm – 7am, but he only works 3 days a week (he ends up working every other weekend), and he has school Tuesdays from 9am – 5pm. his clinical hours are during regular weekday business hours, and vary a little. This weekend sucks b/c he works Thurs, Fri, Sat, and Sun 7pm – 7am, and then Monday goes straight from work to clinical. 24 hours away from home every other week gets old fast, plus it can be longer depending on MY work schedule. 

 

We make the best of the time that we have together and try to have a date night once a week. Since he is busier and under more stress, I try to be more understanding (without being a doormat). On days that I leave by 8am, he tries to leave work a few minutes early so we can spend 5 min together. Even 5 min can mean something if your other option is nothing. It’s enough for a quick cuddle, hug, a kiss, and some words. I try to do little things that let him know I’m thinking of him – whether it’s leaving a note for him or even just buying a snack I know he’ll like (or leavinga  few beers for him in the fridge). We have a heated mattress pad, so I try to remember to leave it on/turn it on so the bed is nice and warm when he gets home and falls into bed. We had a small disagreement a few days ago, and I didn’t think he noticed the small stuff I do all teh time, but he does.. he just doesn’t tell me! So I do believe that people notice those little things, so do little stuff if you can. I know he doesn’t like me spending a lot of money on him, so I try to do free stuff, clean, or if I buy stuff, more inexpensive things (like he *always* gets something Reese’s when I go grocery shopping, it’s his favorite!). I picked up some scrap book style stuff so that I can make him a card πŸ™‚ 

 

It’s easier said than done, but I try to not complain about what little time we do get together b/c that doesn’t help anything. There’s not a lot we can do short of one of us quitting something. We have been planning a short vacation this summer (more meant as a honeymoon, and then another one that will be a long weekend later in the summer – inexpensive, probably stay at my family’s summer house). We are also talking about a vacation when he graduates. So, have something to look forward to! 

Also, definitely have YOUR own things or you’ll end up feeling lonely and just batty. Right now my partner doesn’t really have any free time, so I do tryto encourage him to spend time w/ his friends or his brothers when he can. Sometimes I do get a little annoyed (but I try my best to not show it) b/c sometimes that takes away from time I could be spending w/ him. Saturday night he hung out w/ 2 of his friends, adn I knew he wouldn’t get back til late and I had to be up early on Sunday for work (leave the house by 7:45 am). I didn’t want to make him leave early, so I sent him to go have fun (sure enough, got home a little before 4am! yikes). Even though I was a little annoyed, I looked forward to spending Sunday together.

Post # 15
Hostess
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I work M-F, 8-4:30 pm and Fiance works 3-11 pm (M-F), sometimes to 1 am if overtime is mandatory that week.  It took a little while to get used to, I will admit that.  I would love for him to be on a more similar schedule to me, but it’s not the end of the world that we’re on opposite schedules.  I see him in the morning before work & he comes home on his lunch break to have dinner with me.  If he’s only working until 11, I stay up to spend a little bit of time with him before bed.  Weekends are our time to really catch up and enjoy one another’s company.

We’ve been doing this current schedule since last January, so we are certainly in a routine.  Every now and then he’ll fill in for someone when they have the week off and it’s almost awkward for us both to be home at the same time in the evenings.  I usually come home from work and relax a bit before running.. and then after dinner I take my time getting stuf ready for the next day and then can watch whatever I please on TV or sit on the computer all night without feeling guilty.  I know he’s got a similar routine for himself during the day.  If he ever gets back on a day shift (which may happen by the end of this year), it will take some time to adjust back to that.  But, it’ll be nice.. πŸ™‚

 I think the hardest part for me is going to bed alone, but I’ve got two furbabies to keep me company.  They love sprawling out on his side of the bed until he’s home and ready to hit the sack.  πŸ™‚  Oh, and I usually end up doing the grocery shopping by myself, which I loathe, but I would rather have it done Friday night than waste a Saturday afternoon in the grocery store.

Post # 16
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Darling Husband works 8am-5pm Mon-Fri. I work shift work (7am-3pm, 3pm-11:20pm, 11:00pm -7am) 6 days a week. I get two weekends off in a 5 week rotation. I mostly work 2nd shift. In the summer I become a golf widow πŸ˜‰

The hardest part is that we are TTC. Dh is in bed when I get home and I’m asleep when he leaves for work which means he often has to come home for a quickie at lunch time!

We value our early winter vacations, it can be strange to go from barely any time together to 24/7. We try to send our limited days off together. I try to make a meal for him to reheat before I go to work ad other little things so he knows I am thinking of him

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