(Closed) Anyone's else husband just wants to be surprised??

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think that’s pretty normal. A lot of men aren’t interested in all the planning and charting. They just want to BD as much as possible (or at least the men I know!) and let it happen “naturally.” 

Post # 4
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the “trying” part is scary for men because they’re worried they’ll fail at it. I know Darling Husband secretly felt that way.

Then after we kind of got pregnant as a surprise (we weren’t trying but not preventing either) he told me how he had felt. Now that he knows he can get me pregnant, he’s looking forward to actively trying for our next.


Post # 5
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

my husband was the same way. he didnt want to know when we were supposed to do it. he didnt wanna just have sex to make a baby. he just wanted to let it happen. and as another period would come along he would feel bad because i was depressed that it was another month of no baby. but once we were pregnant, i havent never seen him so happy. we honestly thought there for awhile that one of us had something wrong and of course he took the blame because he felt bad. but once we were pregnant he knows that it can happen and we were-are so happy. if you are coming off birthcontrol just dont be too depressed.. thats what killed me. i have been on BC for forever and it took us about 6 months because of the years on BC.

Post # 6
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My husband definitely does NOT feel the way yours does. As it’s a huge life changing process, he wants to be present and involved. He has specifically asked me not to “surprise” him with pregnancy test results, etc, and especially not surprise him with being off birth control/TTC without his knowledge. Not sure why that would be ok, OP? You said that you had decided that you would be TTC come the fall, but it sounded like you decided it instead of him? I can’t imagine springing something so costly and life changing on my SO and them actually wanting it to be that way!

Post # 7
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Mine doesn’t want to know the details, but he is very aware of (and a part of) “the plan”.  We are going to be actively trying for the first time this cycle and he’s excited, but doesn’t want to hear about my fertile days or anything like that.  It “kills the mood” haha.

Post # 8
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My husband isn’t that into the charting and stuff. We’ve talked about it because as Catholics, we are considering using NFP after our first baby. But, he kind of wants to just go with the flow.

Post # 10
5109 posts
Bee Keeper

@MrsLaNasaIII:  My husband is/was the same way. He knows I take my temperature, he knows I pee on a lot of sticks, he knows that I do acupuncture, but he has no idea was two lines mean on a test, or what a high temp means, or anything like that. He’s so cute =) He just lets me do all that stuff.

Post # 11
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

Back in the early days, he wanted to be surprised. Now, I just don’t think I could keep it from him, if we did get lucky enough to get knocked up. I suppose things change as you go through infertility together. 

Post # 12
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We’re both in our 30s and he knows of my infertility issues in my last marriage so he is very involved with TTC.  I swear he says at least 20x a month that we have to BD b/c it’s fertile time…so then I feel like a sex ed teacher and have to give him the whole process AGAIN!

He also has to “double check” my pee sticks to see if there are 2 lines.  I mentioned I’d like to surprise him but he doesn’t give me any privacy and he’s just too excited to get PG that he thinks it would be mean to surprise him…..at least with the first child. 

Post # 13
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsLaNasaIII: Yes my husband is like this!! He just gave the green light and says we can start TTC but has made it very clear he doesn’t want it to be some military operation. So for the time being I am not tempting/charting as it would be to obvisous to take a temp by the bed. I would like to use OPKs for next cycle, but I would have to keep it hidden from him. Basically he just wants to have sex and see if we fall pregnant. He doesn’t know anything about female bio and seriously thinks if we have unprotected sex anytime of the month we will fall pregnant. I have very long cycles so tend to think it will take us a while to concieve and wanted to at least pinpoint when we are fertile. Its a bit frustrating, but I have to respect his wishes and remember that this process is about both of us, not just my crazy desire for a baby! 

@Mrs. Jaguar:  I agree with you on this. Going through infertility and IVF is something I could not do without the support of Darling Husband. He would be in on everything. 

@texasbee:  OMG your husband sounds so cute!!!!!!! 

@apex:  I hear you there. We are catholic too and I think Darling Husband would show ALOT more interest in it if it were preventing an unwated pregnancy than now when we have just started TTC. 

Post # 14
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

He hasn’t really given a preference either way in regards to being surprised.  I think he knows I take my temperature every morning.  He hasn’t asked any questions about it yet.  I’m not sure if he knows what it’s for or if he’s just not awake at 5:00 a.m..  I tend to POAS during the day while I’m at work so he’s not really subjected to that either.  He is enjoying the extra BDing though…

He has a birthday coming up, so if there were ever a time to surprise him that would be it.

Post # 15
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Not yet TTC, but I know my husband feels the same way.  He doesn’t want it to feel like a job.  I think initially we will just let nature take its course (I will be coming off the pill and am prepared for it to take some time for my cycles to regulate, so it seems like way too much stress and effort to jump right into tracking everything).  If we do end up having to hardcore TTC I don’t think he will want to hear about temps and cervical mucus and whatnot.  I think a lot of guys worry that when their wives get fixated on getting pregnant, their sex life will become perfunctory and feel like, as a PP put it, a military operation. 

Post # 16
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m currently temping to TTA, so Darling Husband knows about that and always asks if we are ‘safe’ or if he needs a condom/POM. When we start TTC next month, I’ll continue temping and charting, but he doesn’t want to feel like he HAS to BD– he just wants to let things happen. He knows some about the fertile window, again, because of TTA right now, but I’ll do my best not to bring it up that this is the right time to go. 

I’m fine with keeping it to myself for now, but if it doesn’t happen in the first few months, then I’ll need to talk about it with him more. I’m not someone who can just see what happens– I need a plan! 

As for taking a test– I could never do it without him. I mean, not in the room, I’ll pee by myself, but he will know when I do and will get the results right away. 

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