Post # 1
So I wrote a loooong post about it in “Emotional” as part of our issues, and won’t repeat the whole thing here. But was wondering if any of you were in this situation? I had a cat when we met, he died a year into the relationship, Fiance (then BF) saw how devastated I was and helped me through the pain and helped me pick my new kitten when I was ready. Two years ago, I adopted another one from the shelter. They both come with their share of regular pet issues (health problems, throw up accidents, hair all over the place) etc. FI has always said he would choose not to have pets if it wasn’t for me but seemed to accept this is part of life with me. I mean we’ve been together 5 years, this is nothing new. Recently the attitude has turned nasty like “I hate these cats” “You wanted them, not my responsibility to help you take care of them”, yelling at me because one puked somewhere overnight and I didn’t see it etc. He has not given me an ultimatum “the cats go or I go” because I think he knows he would lose. May sound horrible, but true. I’m an animal person. I would never be truly happy without pets. So, any suggestions of how to find middle ground without this being a constant source of aggrevation and fighting?
Post # 3
Could there be a larger underlying issue that is causing these frustrations? It seems very strange that he would just spontaneously begin hating your cats and giving you a hard time about them. He could be using them as a reason to vent other frustrations or unhappiness.
For me, a significant other that dislikes or hates pets would be a dealbreaker. I have not lived a day in my life without pets — except freshman year in college and I missed them everyday. For me, I see a big difference in the way pet lovers and non-pet people think. It is like bringing 2 people from different backgrounds and cultures together. If you cannot find a way to appreciate eachother’s “culture”, I don’t see how you can find a way to have a healthy relationship. Maybe I am close minded, but I find it impossible to understand or sympathize with people who don’t want/like pets, so I could never date or marry someone with those views. I know enough of them, including my FH’s mom, and I love her death but could never see myself dating someone with views that are in such bold contrast to mine.
I know it sounds like a little issue, but it is something you have to think about. Are you okay with listening to your FH nag you about the very fact that you have pets for X amount of time? That can really strain a relationship. Are you okay with the possibility that after your current pets pass, he may not be interested in having pets in the household again? These are important issues that you really need to discuss with your FH. Tell him that his comments have been hurtful and confusing, and discuss where you both stand on the issue. For many of us, being a pet lover is part of what defines who we are, and you need to make sure your FH is okay with that.
I hope I don’t sound like an alarmist, I just think that for the sake of you, your FH, and the pets involved, these issues really need to be discussed. I can definitely see where you are coming from — when I first met my FH one of the first things I told him was that I had cats and would never give them up, so if he wanted things to proceed he would have to be okay with that. He grew up not ever having a pet, but fortunately has become a total animal lover. He still tries to claim he likes dogs better…. but I know the cats are where it’s at 😉