(Closed) Anyone’s parents set the wedding before the engagement?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

uhhhh. I have never heard of anything like this happening.

So you think that your parents are basically surprising you with a wedding when you fly home for a visit?  That is…..kinda crazy.  Is it even legal?  I have no idea about Australia, but in many places you have to register for a license and there’s a waiting period and they need signatures/IDs/witnesses/paperwork before a wedding is legal.  Perhaps they’re thinking they’ll do a church service but not a legal one??

Either way, you really should discuss with your SO whether or not you want to go through with that if you step off the plane and into a pre-planned wedding. If you two are not cool with it, you need to call your parents immediately, tell them you know and it isn’t happening so they can try to get money back.

Post # 4
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

MIne actually did something like that.  My mom got so excited when my Darling Husband, then boyfriend, asked for their permission, that they booked the church and reception before we were even engaged.  It didn’t work out very well when my Darling Husband proposed later than the wanted and everything had to be cancelled.  Things worked out in their own time tough, but it took a lot of time the relationship between him and my parents to get better.  

If I were you, I’d be really proactive about the situation.  Definitely talk to your SO and decide if its something you want to do.  If not, talk to your parents immediately.  Good luck!

Post # 6
11 posts
  • Wedding: November 2013

My common-law husband and I are in the same situation (or at least in a similar situation).  I’m an American Citizen and my Common-law husband is a Canadian.  Everyone is demanding that we get married essentially yesterday because my permit expires in two weeks.  It’s to the point where his mom has called a friend of her’s which is a Justice of the Peace to find out if he can marry us.

We have a lot of stuff planned out on our wedding but we know we cannot proceed without speaking to all three sets of parents (my parents, his mom & step-dad, and Dad & step-mom) and nor can we proceed until I go back to the States and work more so that we can save up more for our destination wedding.  His family loves me and doesn’t want him to lose me so they’re pushing as much as they can for us to get the paperwork done (if we get married, it makes the sponsorship paperwork much easier).

With everyone pushing, we have flat out told everyone that we are getting married on our terms, not on everyone else’s.  Any deposits that were made for a wedding in advanced should be considered a write-off because we’re not re-imbersing them and bowing down to everyone else.  Also, when you push someone into marriage regardless of reason, there will most likely be feelings of resentment and resentment leads to divorice (my Future Mother-In-Law & Future Father-In-Law got married because she got pregnant with my CLH and that led to a HUGE amount of resentment which ended up getting taken out on my CLH and his brothers).  It’s not that my CLH doesn’t want to marry me but he has a set idea of how things should be and he’s not willing to compromise his vision for asking me to marry him (he fears that if he rushes into it, he’ll regret something).

I understand that this sounds easier said than done but you sometimes need to be strong and stand up to your parents.  Being that you are Korean-Australian, I understand that standing up to your parents may not be considered “right” in the culture (some cultures won’t allow it) however, it may be what you need to do. 

Post # 7
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

This is the strangest thing I have ever read!  Why can’t you just say no?  There is no way I’d get married when someone else told me to.

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