(Closed) Anyones SO have really bad communication skills? Or stubborn to a fault?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Leemarie:  Can you give an example of the types of comments that he makes that you believe are inconsiderate?

Post # 6
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My husband used to have a veey difficult time communicating. Hard work, lots of counseling, church, and commitment and he is better at communicating now than I am!!

Post # 8
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Leemarie:  Based upon your comments, I believe your SO is not only insensitive, but he’s also angry and resentful, and he somehow feels compelled to be a bully to you.

A man who loves you and who has YOUR best interests in mind would not even WANT to purchase a breed of dog that, in the past, had visciously attacked the woman he loves.  (I know  that there are many, many people who staunchly defend this breed, and I have no desire to create a debate over whether or not pit bulls are inherently violent, since I know some people believe that they are, and some believe that they are not.  However, that is not the fundamental issue here.) You need to be able to feel comfortable in your own home, you have been traumatized by this breed, and you not only have one living in your home, your SO now wants to add another one, after you’ve already discussed this matter.

I have to be honest. I am not having warm, fuzzy feelings toward your SO right now.  Even though I have very limited information regarding your SO or your relationship, I am getting the impression that he often tries to make you feel responsible for his irritation and anger.  That’s not right. 

Post # 9
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My SO and I are both pretty stubborn, I’ve found the best way to explain how I feel is to completely break it down for him. So instead of saying “I wish you were more considerate” try “it hurts my feelings when you suggest we get a pit bull because of my experience” or “I feel like when you do x, y or z you aren’t taking me/my emotions seriously”.

This has worked for us and we usually get to the root of the issue without it getting too heated.

Post # 11
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Leemarie:  Sweetheart, you are NOT responsible for his anger. HE needs to own it and to deal with it in a constructive manner and stop trying to project that onto you.   Please do not allow him to blame you for his attitudes or his actions. They are NOT your fault.

I just want to reach through my screen to hug you.  (((HUG)))

Post # 12
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance is kind of like that too. He has a hard time communicating to me. I could bear him my soul and he just stares at me….blankly. There are other times we are having an argument and again it is hard for him to communicate, he doesn’t know what to say so instead he just gets upset and inconsiderate. 

We’ve been working on his communication skills and even went to counseling for this as well, though he has grown in his communication towards me it is still an up hill battle everytime we have an argument or a heart-to-heart. 

You have to be patient, it is easy to lose your temper at him but this is what helps us:

  • Say your piece, whatever it is then ask him to give his opinion.
  • Let him speak, let him finish and then repeat back to him what he said to you.
  • If he gets agitated ask him what is making him upset, get him to cool down and rationalize what he is taking as a negative statement. 

I made it really simple, sorry about that but hopefully you get my drift. 

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t have any advice for you as I’m gonig through a very similar experience, but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.

Hug!

Post # 15
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Guys some times really don’t get it!! You are not to blame in this… You have totally valid feelings why you don’t want that type of breed of dog around. He really needs to understand this. I say try to calmly discuss this… But I would be rethinking a few things if he remains upset about a BREED OF DOG vs the feelings of the woman he loves. 

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