(Closed) Anything but .. honored to be your MOH

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll:
  • Post # 17
    851 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    xx0justme :  Why are you putting a family first that doesn’t do the same to you.

    Post # 18
    10284 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

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    xx0justme :  “we”, as in your FI? 

    You have bigger problems than this chick’s wedding. You have a Fiance who expects you to tolerate any amount of crap and smile about it. 

    You can’t really drop out of her wedding if your first rule is to obey the family rule of allowing them to crap on you. 

    Yeah, that’s harsh but it’s also true. You need to stand up for yourself, no one else is gong to- obviously. 

    Post # 19
    3588 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Ok you should obviously drop out and move out. But… how much are you spending on being Maid/Matron of Honor that it changes your finances THAT much?? Just tell her you can’t afford anything except the dress, or whatever, then move out whether you’re Maid/Matron of Honor or not. 

    Post # 20
    723 posts
    Busy bee

    I really don’t see how being her Maid/Matron of Honor is stopping you from moving out, I think you’re looking for excuses. If you wanted to move out four years ago over the Facebook thing, why haven’t you been able to save enough in that time? Does your husband even want to move out?

    Who are the others in the household of seven? If you’re doing all the cleaning for everyone then your problems aren’t entirely with your SIL. 

    Post # 21
    60 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    This is all around bad. I agree with some of the oher bees that the first thing you need to do is MOVE OUT, gather some sanity back and then make a decision about whether you can carry out the Maid/Matron of Honor duties. And when it comes down to it, if you are “anything but honored ..” you really should just tell her you don’t feel comfortable being the Maid/Matron of Honor and would much rather be a bridesmaid or even just a guest.

    Post # 22
    7979 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    let’s just say the shower sets you back $300 at the most.  buy some decorations and some drinks and dessert (you don’t have to do anything fancy). you have bigger problems if a couple hundred is stopping you from moving out.  how are you going to afford rent or mortgage?  how are you going to afford if an emergency comes up?  i hope you have been putting a ton in savings these past 4 years.


    Post # 25
    524 posts
    Busy bee

    You sound bitter, judgmental, and playing the victim yourself. You asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your own wedding for a superficial reason. You said yes to being in her bridal party but you’re not a fan of hers? You’ve done some crappy things here yourself. 

    Drop out of the party and prepare for the blowback. Get your own place and maybe you’ll get along better in the future. 

    Post # 26
    723 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    xx0justme :  “and even though this is going to set me back a ton and cause unneeded stresses, I’m going to do it.. but not just for her.. also for my entire family, all my relationships, my reputation, and my conscious..”

    You’re going to be her maid of honour not because you love her but for your own reputation??

    Hopefully she finds this thread, sees how awful you are and maybe then you won’t have to make the choice of being her Maid/Matron of Honor or not.

    Post # 27
    10661 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I don’t think OP is awful as pp above says , just stressed and angry and bitter about being exploited in a situation she has unfortunately allowed to build up to almost intolerable proportions.  And a husband  who  seems to do nothing  to help either .

    Obviously moving out is a absolute priority . I also don’t see why  the spending on the wedding has to be so high .  A dress does not have to be $300, nor do jewellery and special shoes have to be bought or worn,  a suit for h. can be hired, hair and make up can be done by oneself, and bachelor/ette / parties can be modest and DIY.

    OP, you need to  say that you cannot afford a great deal but will do your best for her ( cost saving as above perhaps ) . If  she feels it is not  enough,  tell her you totally understand  and will gracefully step aside.   


    Post # 28
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee

    Honestly, you sound miserable in your living situation and like you don’t support their relationship anyway. It is inappropriate (and unfair to both of you) to continue as her Maid/Matron of Honor. 🙁

    The topic ‘Anything but .. honored to be your MOH’ is closed to new replies.

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