(Closed) Anyway else not get the engagement they were expecting? Did you cry?

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your proposal sounds great. He put a lot of time and effort into the whole thing. This happened three years ago — it’s time to let it go.

Post # 4
9198 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

It sounds like he planned out what he thought would be a very romantic proposal for you. Do you want to marry him, or not? If so, you shouldn’t still be obsessing over this.

I sort of expected a mountaintop proposal on our annual backpacking trip, but I got a proposal in a random hotel room when I was dirty and grouchy after a 12 hour work day in the hot sun. I was absolutely thrilled because he’s the love of my life, and I proudly tell the story. It’s adorable that he was too excited and couldn’t wait til a more “romantic” moment. And ultimately the proposal doesn’t matter compared to the lifetime commitment we make to each other. 

The fact that you’re fixated on this THREE years later makes me wonder if you’re mature enough for marriage and if this is the love of your life.

Post # 5
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@cass_030_791:  This is a story you will both, one day, be unable to tell without laughing.

Post # 6
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

FH proposed to me on the couch while we were watching a special on the history channel about aliens or something of the sort. I was in pjs, so no, I didn’t cry and no, it wasn’t what I imagined, but I’m a laid back homebody, so it worked. It’s not super romantic or movie worthy, but it was sweet.  

Honestly, it sounds like your FH put a lot of thought into your proposal and things just didn’t go the way he thought it would. It sucks that you were sick, but at the end of the day, you were engaged. Just focus on that.

If the ring is bothering you and causing you problems, can you possibly remount your stone on another band?

Post # 8
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You sound like you’re way too young to get married, if this is the kind of thing you’re concerned with, particularly after 3 years.

Maybe you’re obsessing over the proposal rather than facing the possibility that the relationship itself is wrong. Have you still not set a date after 3 years?

Post # 9
168 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, I don’t quite understand why you are still upset about this.  I understand being slightly disappointed, but that quickly fades.  He proposed 3 years ago.  Is it about the proposal, and the ring, and the wedding, or the guy you are committing to spend the rest of your life with?  Did you tell him what kind of proposal you had in mind?  If not, then you can’t expect him to be a mind reader.

You are upset he told strangers that you were engaged, but mentioned that you had no cell service, so maybe he was so excited to be engaged to you and wanted to tell someone.  It sounds like you are still very young, and more concerned with having a good proposal story to tell to your friends than you are with having a good marriage.  If someone I knew was still harping away about a bad proposal three years later, I would feel sorry for the guy and think that he should run.  This isn’t about a proposal and marriage, but about appearances.  He planned something nice for you, and it may not be what you envisioned (it rarely ever is perfect), but i would be happy that you have someone who loves you and wants to marry you.  Maybe you should think long and hard about whether you are ready for marriage, or if this is the right guy for you.  

Post # 11
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Honestly, I think you’re way too immature to get married if you’re obsessing over the proposal (and not a terrible proposal at that) 3 years later. You can tell that he definitely put some thought and effort into it. Just because it wasn’t exactly what you wanted, doesn’t make it bad. If you plan on working through your current issues and being with him, you need to get over it. Though I think that since things aren’t wonderful right now, you’re digging into the past for things to complain about. 

Post # 12
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Wow. It’s one thing to be disappointed, but to hold onto this sort of resentment for this long is bad news bears.

You sound like you’re too young for this step in life, and too immature to know when to let things go and where to invest yourself emotionally. If I were your SO, and I found out any of this, I would leave you so fast I’d leave fire in my wake.

You had a beautiful proposal, it sounds like. It really stinks that you didn’t feel well, but most people would be so overjoyed to have the love of their life profess their love for them with such a romantic day, that it wouldn’t matter.

Post # 13
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I can see why you might have hoped for something more; he probably should have pushed the proposal to another day once he saw how sick and crabby you were on your birthday. But I’m sure he thought it would be really special to propose on your birthday…and obviously it wasn’t clear to him that you wouldn’t like that (no hate here, I wouldn’t particularly like a proposal on any holiday or my birthday).

The fact is, though, that the proposal is minute compared to the big picture which is you getting married and spending the rest of your life together. It’s not really fair of us to put all of these restrictions and silent expectations on a proposal and then expect the guy to figure out. He proposed in his way. You agree it was a nice thing he did so take it for what it is and move on.

Post # 14
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This is very silly. It was a typical silly guy thing to propose to you while you were sick; he should have postponed. Nonetheless, you should be mature enough to realize it is a silly guy thing and makes for a great story! He definitely went the extra mile for your proposal even if it wasn’t to your exact tastes.

Post # 15
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You’re very young, perhaps too young to get engaged if you are going to be worried about it being “too cliche”!

His proposal sounds lovely! Please don’t ever reveal to him that you didn’t like it. It will hurt him so badly. It sounds like he really put a lot of effort into it! How would you like it if he secretly thought you looked terrible in your wedding dress? to a man, that’s what it feels like when their loved one critiques their proposal.

I had NO expectations about my husband’s proposal, except that I was going to say yes yes yes! He took me out to dinner, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him… that’s very cliche but it’s adorable! It’s a moment of great vulnerability for a man to put himself out there like that, even when he is sure of your answer…

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