(Closed) apologies for this rant

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
288 posts
Helper bee

I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I hate that my situation keeps me where I am, even though I know it will help me to have a much, MUCH better future. I get so envious of friends who are moving out, getting engaged, etc. and I think what about me? Like you said, we are doing things more responsibly. Then I come back to reality, and realize because you wait until everything is in place (even if you hate it), you will be better off down the road. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather wait now and be financially stable and happy, enjoying my marriage and the man I love, than starting out with debt, money issues, and stress added onto a relationship. I couldn’t have said what you said any better. You took the words out of my mouth. Hang in there, if you’re like me, you appreciate what you have. It just gets frustrating and discouraging sometimes. (That’s why this website helps A LOT!)  =) Best of luck with everything. 

Post # 4
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

TOTALLY understand.  But just think of it this way… all of the people I know who were “so in love” and got married at the drop of a hat are now divorced.  Just think of how better prepared you guys will be for marriage! 🙂  

Post # 5
2892 posts
Sugar bee

It’s totally normal. I think we all feel that way at some point. I’ve found that thinking about all the things I do have helps get rid of those feelings. Every once in a while I get jealous that my friends go out every weekend, always shopping, paying for big weddings, are social butterflies. But then I sit back and think – I have everything I need, I’m debt free, I’m the only one in our group that owns a home, and in the end, I’d rather have 2 awesome vacations every year than spend every saturday at the bar. But I literally have to force myself to step back and think about it when I get jealous of our friends and feel bummed about our situation.

Good for you for not rushing into things. It’ll definitely pay off in the end. And you’re not stupid for feeling that way. You’re human for feeling that way 🙂

Post # 6
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel EXACTLY the same way as you.  Most all of the people my age who I know have gotten married and had babies in the past year.  Yes, some of them graduated college earlier this year, but some of them didn’t even go to college.  I am really jealous of the ones who graduated this year, are married, living in their own homes, and working in their careers.  I postponed college two years.  So, I am really far behind everyone else.  The ones who just got married and had babies/just had babies, with no career or college, I am not jealous of and feel bad for.

Post # 7
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Waterfall: I know exactly how this feels hun. But don’t worry, things will all work out. And kudos to you for thinking about this with a level head. You will thank yourself later.

Post # 8
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m in the same boat, Waterfall!

I finished my ungergrad last March, but started school again a few weeks ago to get my teaching credential.  If everything goes smoothly, the earliest I’ll finish is Christmas next year.  Then I’ll look for teaching positions.  After I find something secure and get some money saved, only then will I be able to move out…two yeas from now!  I am officially the oldest person in my entire family to have remained at home.  When I do have kids, I’ll most likely be the oldest person in the family to start a family, too.

My younger sister decided not to continue college once she got engaged.  Her now husband is supporting her though, and they have a beautiful little baby together.  They have a beautiful home, too.  They totally did things without thinking about consequences, but they seem happy!

So, I hear ya girl.  I’m the eldest child, living at home, not yet established in my career (but working very hard on it!).  In the long run though, we will thank ourselves for our patience.  Financial problems kill marriages – debt adds to it…so we’re making the right choice 🙂

Post # 9
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am right there with you.  I feel like I’m on one of those little gerbil wheels and everyone else is going about their merry way all happy and stress-free.  I wanted to wait until I finished law school and took the bar for financial reasons but other people in my class are just getting married like it doesn’t change anything.  I feel like I am trying to do everything “right” and everybody else just does what they want and gets what they want and it’s FRUSTRATING cuz I’m back here bustin my hump for what feels like nothing.

Post # 10
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I hear ya!! Im 29 and the boy is 33, we both earn good money, own a house together, and coming up on 4 years together. We were waiting for so long to get sorted financially, but we are there now. So it feels like it is the right time to get engaged and start planning, but still waiting!

Its not just weddings though… it feels like it wont be too long before we have to start thinking about kids and all of that… time just seems to be going very quickly!

Post # 11
858 posts
Busy bee

just look at it this way, when those people screw their lives up because they cant get out from under all of their debt you wont have to worry and you will be in a better place in your life. Then you will look like the smart one of your group of friends

Post # 13
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m totally there with you! It is so frustrating to watch those other people getting everything you want, while you stay responsible and try to go about things the mature way by getting out of debt/more school/career goals etc. We just have to remember that those people who jumped in quickly might have gotten the wedding and kids first, but that doesn’t mean it will be easier for them. Think about how much better off you and your future family will be when you’ve put in the effort to start on the best foot possible. It will be worth it in the long run, if you can do the hard waiting now. So it’s okay to be jealous, but try not to let it consume you since those people will be jealous of you someday =)

Post # 15
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ah, and I find facebook makes these things even worse! People I didn’t even speak to in school are making me jealous as they are on their 2nd baby already and have a perfect home set up.

.. Or have they?

Whilst I do envy them sometimes, I think they have taken on too much too young still (we are all about 23) – and I have seen a few of them break up already because of this.

We all have MANY years to settle down and have children, life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

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