Post # 1
I made a post the other day about child-spanking that was rude and uncalled for. Furthermore, I made comments to people who are against child spanking that were mean and uncalled for. I apologize for this and also would like to give a little background for myself that might give some insight.
So, when I was little, my dad was a rager. I don’t mean a little bit of raised voices, I am talking full on screaming at the top of his lungs, staring directly into my face until his face turned red and spit particles came out the side of his mouth (my father is an enormous man with a loud, booming voice). This was so traumatic for me, that I began to have convulsions when I was about 12 years old from the trauma of this. My mother was a spanker; my dad had the yelling, my mom had the spanking. The spanking for me was so much better, because I didn’t have someone screaming in my face telling me what a piece of shit I was..words that could make you feel like less of a human being. Growing up, I still had my fathers words ringing in my ear…you’re pathetic, you’re nothing-anything you can imagine, he would say to me. He would manipulate me, twist my words. The worst kind of emotional abuse. When I was a teenager, my parents had no respect for my boundaries. They would take my door of the hinges, read my diary and then taunt me about things in my diary later…go through my belongings. I guess I always grew up thinking that a quick hit would be better than the shit I went through. But, that’s not an excuse for the things I said to some of you bees so I am very sorry.
Post # 2
No doubt a smack would be better than ongoing fear and verbal abuse. However, can you see that it is possible to have well-behaved children with NEITHER of those things? Children can be raised in loving homes where the adults model good, well-adjusted behavior and neither hit nor verbally abuse children. And children who grow up with adults who model good behavior can then grow up to raise their own children without fear or violence. It can start a whole new cycle of healthier behavior.
Post # 3
“ I guess I always grew up thinking that a quick hit would be better than the shit I went through.”
You would think an adult wanting to raise children would realise the lesser of two evils is not a high bar to aim for.
If your childhood was so traumatic for you then perhaps you should take a step back and consider the phrases you use and the things you say when replying to other posters.
Post # 4
sallyloves90 : This shows some introspection and growth. An apology is nice for the bees that you insulted, but for yourself, it’s more important that you understand that spanking did not “work for my family” and you are not an example of “my parents spanked and I turned out fine.” You’re an example of spanking being the slightly lesser of two evils that you survived. Best wishes on your continuing journey of self-awareness.
Post # 5
I had a traumatic childhood with my mom who did both those things and don’t want it for my own kids. Being in fear from physical or verbal abuse is not okay. As zzar45 said what a low bar to aim for after experiencing both. You’d think you’d want a complete alternative and healthy way to discipline a child. Most of it start with *teaching* because a lot of misbehaving that comes from children is due to them never being taught the right way to behave. Tantrums will happen no matter what but for the most part it starts with teaching them and modeling appropriate behaviors.
Post # 7
sallyloves90 : Adding: A lot of us had shitty childhoods. You can only use that as an excuse for bad behavior for so long. Acknowledging that it has impacted your behavior is an excellent first step, and further than some people get. But the next step should be understanding that you can’t change the past and you can’t change other people’s behavior even in the present. But you can and must change your own behavior in the present and for the future, if you want to have happy healthy relationships. A professional therapist can often be helpful with this.
Post # 8
Daisy_Mae : You are right. Thank you <3
Post # 9
sallyloves90 : Your past is not an excuse for your actions. Maybe it’s time for some therapy for you instead of screaming into the Internet void
Post # 10
Post # 11
I continued my cycle, I became an emotional abuser of friends and romantic partners and family. I was able to end that cycle but my anxiety disorders continued long after
It wasn’t until my daughter had turned one and my anxiety was out of control again that I decided it was time to get help and fight like hell to be healthy this time.
As my daughter continues to grow, I see living proof of the broken cycle and pride, sometimes to the point of tears, that she will never know the pain that I’ve been through, because I fought to get healthy
Fight your demons, you are worth it ❤️
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
Also, apologizing is a sign in the right direction. I’m happy you wrote that other post in the sense that it showed you a different world is possible.
It will always suck knowing that you didn’t get the loving treatment and kind disciplining a kid deserves. I myself get a bittersweet feeling seeing my in-laws happily married for 40 years and my heart breaks for the child of a broken home still very alive in me. Therapy taught me to grieve this sort of loss of what I never had, but also to appreciate how beautiful it is that such a loving world exists. If you can find a therapist, bee, that will possibly be the best gift you’ll ever give your own soul.
A warm hug to you.
Post # 14
How courageous of you to be willing to share and acknowledge that you might have said something that you came to regret, possibly because of experiences in your past.
Admitting to those insights allowed me to feel a degree of empathy for you that I definitely didn’t have while reading your previous post, and in fact, your original post was so at odds with my personal beliefs about child rearing that I didn’t even feel comfortable responding to you.
Hats off to you for deciding to consider both your own circumstances AND how your post may have affected others.
NOW, you have placed yourself in the position of being able to learn how others may have opinions that will be helpful to you in moving forward.
Post # 15