Post # 17
I’m kind of surprised no one has mentioned this yet – but depending on how you said your initial comment, I can see the manager getting irked and firing off with her response (don’t get me wrong – it was still NOT a good comment to make. Even if she was trying to be playful, it’s very condescending and rude).
The comment about jumping through all of the hoops could’ve been perceived as an attack on her. Obviously, none of us were there and we can’t judge the tones and nuances of the conversation. I am saying that there’s some plausible deniability here – that it’s not like her comment came completely and utterly smack out of no where after she heard a totally-and-obviously innocent comment.
In similar shoes, I might let this one go – though certainly keep that letter on hand if this is an ongoing problem.
Post # 18
Wow! Thats so rude. Seriously, I know millionaires (literally millionaires) that drive 10-yr old cars and wear jeans/sweatshirts everyday. You never know who you’re talking to and you shouldn’t assume.
I always look like a mess on my telework days – yoga pants and a tank/tshirt. Doesn’t mean I don’t have a good job.
Post # 19
I mean, I understand because where I work I deal with a lot of academic/medical professionals, and the women tend not to change their name because they’re known in the field with their maiden name.
But it was highly unprofessional for her to say that, and rather presumptiuous.
Post # 21
I’m trying to think of something else she could have meant by that, but nothing else makes sense… I would have been pretty pissed off too! At least you know NO ONE else has that kind of mentality. How would your career have anything to do with changing your name??
Post # 22
@ajillity81: I guess I wouldn’t have taken it the way it came out, but it was still a stupid comment to make as that is not at all a valid reason why professionals don’t change their name. I am thinking it just came out wrong.
Post # 23
@ajillity81: I changed mine and had no issues at work. Plenty of professional women change their names. I don’t understand that comment at all. I would have said, “you mean professional like you? What did they raise minimum wage to anyway?” I can make more money than her AND be immature 😀
Seriously though, like it’s anyone’s business what your name is.
Post # 24
she knew i was referring to the whole name changing process. every place i went wanted a different document. i had been in the bank the week before and the other bank manager had given me wrong information about changing my name on my accounts. this manager knew that. i know she didn’t think i was attacking her.
i think she seriously believes that professionals don’t change their name because of the hassle.
Post # 25
That’s stilly. I’m a business owner, where my name IS my business (i’m a photographer) and I changed my name. Granted, I didn’t change my business name – and so socially I am still referred to in my work life by my maiden name – I most certainly changed it legally. On a personal level I go by my married name.
Post # 26
@ajillity81: I don’t think she meant anything by it, and I don’t this she was being rude. I’ve heard of a lot of women who don’t change their name, or they wait to change it, for professional reasons. For example, one of my friends is going for her doctorate. She was planning on waiting to change her name so all her degrees could have the same name on it. Also, a women I work with decided to hyphenate her name (not a decision I think she would have made originally) since she had been with the company for so long. She just wanted to avoid confusion. I, personally, wouldn’t get too worked up by the comment.
Post # 27
I’d love to know what types of “professionals” she’s talking about, since that’s a pretty broad stroke.
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I’m a name-changing professional who is typing this from HOME, in BED, still in PJs. You could be totally dressed up and be unemployed, too.
People who work with the public should really have better skills.
Post # 28
Uhm, I’d send that letter if I was still mad about it the next day.
Part of her job is customer service – that means no snide remarks.
Seems like she needs some lessons on being more professional herself.
Post # 29
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I agree. I think changing your name has a lot more to do with WANTING to change your name than thinking you’re not able to because of your career. Whether you’re a “professional” or not, changing your name is always an option.
Post # 30
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I’m thinking about doing a similar thing, and I’m really curious how this has worked out for you. Does your husband ever get called Mr. Your Maiden Name? Does it bother him/you? Have you had any issues with people writing you a check to your maiden name and then not being able to cash it? Do you have kids? I don’t mean any offense, I’m just genuinely curious how you’ve made this work.
Post # 31
I just took it to mean someone who’s professional job requires a lot of name recognition. A friend of mine is a realter who has built up her clientele, reputation and slogan/advertising all based on her maiden name so it would be a lot for her to rebuild if she changed her name. I can see why you might interpret it a different way but I don’t truly think she meant it like that.