(Closed) Apparantly professionals don't change their name

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

it’s kind of a stupid thing to say since it’s inaccurate and also implies that you are not in a profession, but I don’t find it super offensive. I think she just meant that you don’t see a lot of doctors, lawyers, etc changing their name for the same reasons you complained about – so many hoops!

I’m an attorney and I’m changing my name, and it’s a HUGE hassle, much more of a hassle that it would be if I had a different job. In addition to social security, DMV, credit cards and bank accounts, doctor and pharmacy records, car insurance and registration, etc., I also have to change my business cards, law license, letterhead, name in other professional organizations, court registration, automatic signature on forms and emails, notify clients and colleagues..the list goes on and on. And every time I say my name now – like every time I talk to a client or a judge or whatever, which is multiple times daily – especially over the phone, I have to clarify that I am Sarah OLD NAME but I’ve changed my name to Sarah NEW NAME. 

I really don’t think it was meant as a slight. I think she was just saying that it’s an even bigger pain for people whose names are “out there” more and that’s why some people choose not to bother. But I see why it could be offensive. I might have taken it the same way you did, at least initially. But I’d give the woman the benefit of the doubt.


Post # 33
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@howsweetitis  +1 – send send send!!

Post # 34
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ajillity81  It’s hard to know how she intended it to come across without hearing the tone, but I’d be offended and if you’re still upset after sleeping on it I’d send and email to the bank

Post # 35
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I would still send that email.. trust me – it will be cathartic and this may stop the biotch from saying this to someone else.

She’s also mistaken… I mean sure, some super established professionals (like if you’re published or have a really recognizable name like Kardashian) don’t change their name, but many working women change their names. Most women work these days for crying out loud!!

Post # 36
8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@MrsPanda99  lololol love the comment…

Post # 37
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That was definitely rude of her, but I do know what she’s saying.  I don’t think she meant it to be nasty.  I am an attorney, and a whole lot of female attorneys do not change their name.  I know I didn’t and neither did a lot of my friends.  

Post # 38
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ajillity81  I’d ignore it and try to let it go – it was a stupid and unprofessional comment.  Like SarahCF, I’m an attorney and am changing my name, and I know many attorneys who have done so.  I think the teller was just plain rude.

Post # 39
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would have been annoyed too, I’m a professional, my name is on all my work for the past 10 years, and I will be changing my name. I’m not sure I’d bother to write in abuot it, but I would totally be annoyed. 

Post # 40
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ajillity81  in general theres a lot of professions thats just the same as anything else in changing a name,

but………. maybe she meant like…doctors and lawyers, engineers etc who have an actual “professional designation”? cause I could see having medical license’s and documents on their walls for their credibility in their old name that could cause issues or be really difficult to re-issue? (or maybe they cant be re-issued) …and like engineering stamps etc…..

I get that initially it probably came out super rude though. (however as devils advocate I am In the engineering business and I hear that particular segregation all the time and its no big deal, “professionals” are the ones with the designation ….and thats not even all engineers…its the engineers who’ve worked for several years and did their test to become an official “P.Eng”)

Post # 41
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ajillity81  That’s ridicuolous – she was out of line.  I’m changing my name everywhere BUT at work – i’ll keep going by my maiden name until I complete all my registration exams because dealing with the examining board is too much of a hassle.

Post # 42
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


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@Christy42213 I saw your Reply # 29 where you said:

@Christy42213  I’m thinking about doing a similar thing, and I’m really curious how this has worked out for you.  Does your husband ever get called Mr. Your Maiden Name?  Does it bother him/you?  Have you had any issues with people writing you a check to your maiden name and then not being able to cash it?  Do you have kids?  I don’t mean any offense, I’m just genuinely curious how you’ve made this work.

When I got married the first time (circa 1980) I kept my Maiden Name.  It was very uncommon back then.  I got a lot of snide comments… and sadly that crap still goes on today, no matter what option a woman chooses (keep or change)… just witness this very topic.

I took having various names all in stride.  It really wasn’t a big deal… it was just a choice I made so I knew that there would be issues at time.  Mind you I wasn’t an in your face femi-nazi about the whole thing… I learned early on, that when people didn’t know the whole story they’d make assumptions.  I learned to roll with that.

So ya at work I was Ms. MaidenName…

Sometimes in the world I was Mrs. MaidenName (not etiquettely correct but a lot of women do opt for this to clarify to the world that they are MARRIED… I was for example Mrs. on my Banking Records)

Socially, I was often called Mrs. MarriedName… more so if it was a situation where people only knew my Hubby or our Kids (who had their Father’s Surname).  Being Mrs MarriedName really didn’t bother me, and it was easier to just accept being called that, than make a scene to correct people… or get into a lengthy explanation / discussion with people I didn’t know who wanted more info (I considered my life as Mrs Anybody… to be my business… not their’s)

Occasionally, My Ex-Hubby would be called Mr. MyMaidenName… particularly so if it was a situation where people only knew me and not him… so one of my work functions… or a group that I was involved with on my own (Sports, Hobbies, Interests, Volunteering)

I used to tease him about it privately… but again, he did what I did… he just rolled with it.

Lol, sometimes we would intentionally use my Surname in situations… as mine is very North American and his is very European.  He got quite tired of having his name butchered when we went to a Restaurant for Reservations… so we used to just use my name.

I am Canadian…

And in reality I find the whole name thing here a lot more laid back than it is in the USA.  Maybe it is because we have so many more options (both when it comes to changing our names and being married)… in so much as we have Same Sex Marriages & Common Law Marriages that are both legal… and well so common, lol

People do so many things here…

Keep their Names – Change their Names – Hyphenate their Names – Co-join their Names (Johnson & Black become Blackson) – or just dream up a whole NEW Surname

And in most Provinces you can do this all quite seamlessly when you are Married (many times without incurring any costs) OR even months or years down the road (might be a slight cost in some circumstances… more if it means changing your Birth Certificate)

You add in the fact that in Canada it is NOT ILLEGAL to have other names as long as they are not for illegal purposes… and I know many people who have several names that they are known by:

Maiden Name – Married Name (socially) – and perhaps a 3rd Name for Business, Journalism / Writing (Pen Name), or The Arts (Tv / Acting etc)

Names just are a way more fluid here generally

Lol, except for Quebec.  Quebec got tired of all the options… and passed a law back in 1981, that people would have ONE NAME LEGALLY from Cradle to Grave… (and they made it very expensive and filled with legal red tape to change it otherwise).  Having one name forever might work for the bureaucracy that push paper… but it certainly doesn’t work for all the citizens who reside there (and less so for those that move there)

Post # 43
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Well I didn’t change my name when I got married and the bank gave me a really hard time about not taking my husband’s name, because we couldn’t cash the checks written to Mr. and Mrs. soandso for our wedding.  I threw a major fit about how I was never going to change my name and I didn’t need to do so, just because the bank or other people at my wedding presumed that I did.

The bank clerk shouldn’t have said anything to you either.  It’s not very professional.

Post # 44
7307 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Christy42213  No offense at all. I changed my legal name from First Middle Maiden to First Maiden Married. My business name is First Maiden Photography, and that did not change. When someone accidentally writes me a check to just my maiden name, it still get’s cashed/deposited just fine. Then again, I bank at a local bank in our town, so everyone knows me and they don’t question it.

No one has ever called my husband by my last name. Everyone who knows me professionally in the wedding world knew me before getting married. They all know I’m married, but usually still call me First Maiden just out of habit because that’s how they were introduced to me. Sort of how all my married friends are still in my phone under their maiden name because it’s just old habit.

Post # 45
1186 posts
Bumble bee

@ajillity81  Ha! What irony. Professionals talking about professionalism and being unprofessional at the same time. 🙂 

What a bee- yacht- CH!

Post # 46
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I am planning to keep my name for my profession (much easier as all my certificates/degrees have my birth name on them) and use my hubby’s last name in my personal life, mainly cause it means a lot to him. Hope this works. I like the idea because it will also separate by business and personal life.

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