Apparently bridezillas and Weddingbee are so hot right now

posted 5 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 46
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

DrAtkins :  Well sure, I certainly don’t think mods should be held responsible to put a stop to it. Realistically speaking, no one can put a stop to it unless this becomes a private-access forum (which I’m not even suggesting, nor is that fair to ask). I just think users should have more tools available to protect themselves, whether that’s personal thread deletion and/or simply the awareness that news medias have been known to publish WB threads. Once this thread dies down, new or infrequent members are going to have no idea. Thanks for bringing this to Tyson’s attention, by the way 🙂 This is most definitely in WB’s hands, not their volunteer’s. 

Post # 47
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee

j_jaye I don’t agree with you at all. There is what CAN happen and what is right. People use these boards for help and support. That is a loving and good motive. It is a community. Yes I guess we all should have been more realistic in knowing it isn’t 100% annonymous, but who would have dreamed that anyone would think it was morally ok to blast some poor girl just trying to get help. 

We all might not have agreed with that woman’s opinion that she hated her ring, but it sounds like she genuinely did not know what to do and wanted advice. I didn’t think she was particularly mean or rude in her asking either. To come onto a forum where you know the purpose is to get support, and take something they KNOW the person who posted would never want to go viral is just not morally right in any shape or form regardless if it was allowed, or easy to do. It was wrong. 

As for your comment that the people who post on here don’t consider the feelings of the people they are talking about in their posts? That is such a silly thing to say. So you think the woman who gets beat by her husband shouldn’t get to come on these boards and ask for advice and support? The women who are in emotionally abusive relationships and know something is wrong but need help from other bee’s pointing out WHY the verbal abuse their boyfriend is saying to them is damaging and not ok deserve our help, deserve to be heard. Posting about your issues on here to get advice is healthy and most of the time productive. It doesn’t hurt the person or situation they are speaking about because that person likely would never see it. Anytime someone tries to come on these boards and spew hate they are shut down. 

kiram :  I agree with you. These boards are meaningful to many of us. I guess we all need to think about our involvement on them and how we can better protect our selves with posts, and take care with details. I myself get a lot out of these boards for a few reasons. I have a very boring job that I hate and I really love coming on here and reading posts and add my support to bee’s who are really struggling, to give asked for advice based on my own experience hopeing it can help other people. I also really rely on this board for support for myself as I navigate one of the first long term serious relationships of my life. I know that if I step in it, or my expectations are off the bee’s will set me straight. 

THese boards also do an AMAZING job of lending support to bee’s around the world who are women in less progressive parts of the world who need to hear that they have value, that although they are being oppressed in one way or another where they are, that doesn’t mean it is ok, or normal, or that way everywhere. It lets them see they can expect better treatement, and rights, and they have a say in their own future. And for women in countries and places where bad treatement is the norm where else are they supposed to go for support or help but the internet? They certainly can’t talk to their family and friends if their whole community thinks it is normal. It also lets women have conversations about engagement and changing that for the better, knowing that we don’t have to passively wait for a man to choose us, but that it is our life too and we get a say. 

There is a lot of value here and deserves some respect. Journalists should not see this site as a place to cherry pick stories, and blow apart people’s lives who are just trying to be helped. 

Post # 48
Member
3503 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Sansa85 :  i agree with this 100%!

Post # 49
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee

kiram :  And you know what? after re-reading your comment it is so clear that what those journalists did to this girl is straight up bullying behavior. As you said, “What was the point to share that on news media other than to encourage the general public to laugh at and ridicule? “

Exactly. Posting this woman’s story was bullying plain and simple. The motive there was to attract more mean nasty comments towards that woman. Personally when I saw that the journalist who posted it to the Daily Mail was a young woman herself, i was even more horrified. She should know better then to think it was ok to bully another woman and call it news. 

Post # 50
Member
3272 posts
Sugar bee

The only thing that made it newsworthy were all the holier-than-thou posts castigating the OP for daring to express dissatisfaction with a ring.  Would people have been as harsh if she complained that her ring was too big, and she wanted a small, simple ring? Hell no. If not for those posts, the thread wouldn’t have gone viral. I have noticed that women love to gang up and tear down when someone dares to post that they are unhappy about something of a material nature. Ungrateful, spoiled, brat, the list goes on. Don’t kid yourself that this forumn was any kinder than the comments made by the general public once it became “news” All this focus on the OP misses the point of the story, which is women engaging in an cat fight online.

Post # 52
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

ladyjane123 :  journalist is a generous definition for a daily mail writer.

Post # 53
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

@Ladyjane123 After reading your response to @j_jaye I see that you’re very good at taking statements out of context, but I’ll risk addressing you anyway:

“There is what CAN happen and what is right.”  This stance is silly, naive, and unhelpful in the context of posting in a public forum, where you lose control the second you click on add a comment.  

Good luck with your expectation that everyone in the www universe will conform to your idea of what is right.  When you post in a public forum, regardless of your motivations, your situation, how much you look up to some bees, and how helpful the community is, you have to go by what “CAN happen”, and use your judgement as to how much you share, or if you should share at all.

FWIW, I believe the OP and the author of the article are the same young woman.

Post # 54
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

I think any expectation of privacy, even if this was a closed group, is ridiculous. Just sayin’.

Post # 55
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

sunburn :  yeah I really don’t get that. I didn’t see the original thread but the screen shots they used we’re fucking HARSH!! I really don’t see what is so awful about feeling disappointed that he gave her something completely different than she wanted after he had ASKED her what she wanted. Why ask if you’re not going to follow through on what you learn?? 

Post # 56
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

I just heard this story on my morning radio show…..

Post # 57
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

Robyn0214 :  I don’t think it was. It wasn’t the first thread she wrote or commented on.

Post # 58
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee

Robyn0214 :  I get it. and you are correct, we are all posting on a public forum where anyone could see it. I and many other bees are going to tread more carefully when posting from now on. I don’t think saying I take statements out of context is fair. If anything that right there is a general put down with no backup, but you are entitled to your opinion. 

I don’t feel it is naive or silly to want people to strive to do better, to not take things that were intended to help someone, in this case the OP, and blast it somewhere it wasn’t intended. Those journalists knew that woman wouldn’t want her family or fiance seeing her post but did it anyways. It isn’t “unhelpful ” to point out what bullying looks like when presented as news and to say, Hey im not ok with it! 

I dont’ think the internet universe is likely to side with my opinion, but id rather say I think it is wrong than not say anything. Hell, if everyone took your advice they wouldn’t ever stand up for anything because they would have the, who cares it won’t change anything, mentality. Glad I at least try and am willing to say I don’t think something is right even if it won’t change anything. 

And I stand by my statement, there are many things we CAN do, but shouldn’t, or won’t do. Just because something is possible doesn’t mean it is ok. I CAN cheat on someone, I CAN steal candy from a store, I also CAN take time out of my day to say unkind things to people. Doesn’t mean I should. Yeah this forum is public, and yeah people including myself might have assumed a bit more privacy than was reality, but that doesn’t excuse the behavior of journalists in this case doing something morally wrong knowing it would cause hurt to someone else. 

Post # 59
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

I’m rather tired of “It’s the internet” as basically being used as the equivalent to “Boys will be boys”. There will *always* be scummy people doing scummy things “just because they can”, but that doesn’t mean we can’t/shouldn’t call them out and hold them responsible for it. Why shouldn’t we be able to expect common decency? Hiding behind anonymity of the internet doesn’t justify anyone to be a butthole. When it comes to media, they’re not even anonymous…their name and brand are attached to the bullying but they still don’t get called out. 

Again, there will always be scummy people, so yes we *should* be aware that scummy things can/will happen, but that doesn’t mean we should stop expecting better. 

 

ETA: Perhaps “expecting better” isn’t the right phrase. I can’t “expect” anyone on the internet to be a decent human being because it’s proven time and again that the majority do take advantage of hiding behind anonymity. It might be more accurate to say: “Everyone needs to be held to better standards” 

Post # 60
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee

kiram :  Well said, totally agree. Your analogy of boys will be boys, perfectly described the situation here. 

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