(Closed) Apparently I'm entitled to… Nothing :-(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Why does everyone keep saying she doesn’t have any work experience?  She absolutely does – she’s been running his business for the past 8 years.  She called herself a Stay-At-Home Mom (probably because that’s what he calls her…as an attempt to diminish her importance to his business), but that is not correct.  In fact, she works from home.  Her error was in not covering her ass from the start.  But I bet she could compile all kinds of evidence that she’s been running the business (for example, emails between herself and the insurance agent, vendors, employees, contractors, etc.), and if that evidence found its way into court, she would be paid.

Post # 47
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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MelissainNC: 

I would be interested in hearing his side…unfortunately, we never will and I suspect the REALITY lies somewhere in between…

Post # 48
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

 

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MangoBreezy:  

“Why would you want to be with a guy that would leave you homeless and starving if you broke up.”

Good question.

 

More pressing, imo, is the fact that he just did to her (OP) what he says that his first wife did to him: pull the rug out from under them/blindside them/ended the status quo.

 

I could say that I’m speechless, but, I actually have quite a few words that I’d want to use about it and few of them are rated PG.

 

 

Post # 49
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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ct2015:  Fair enough.  But even if the truth is somewhere in the middle, he still owes her something, and I suspect it’s much more than he would like to admit.

Post # 50
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee

What a bitter ass. Tell him that’s fine, but he needs to pay you an annual salary for raising his child, managing the business, and all the housework. What does a live in nanny go for these days? 30k a year? You should also be paid in addition for all hours worked on his business as well.

I could never marry someone that does not value my non monetary contributions to the household. 

 

Post # 51
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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MelissainNC:  Everyone is saying that she has no work experience because she is a self described Stay-At-Home Mom without a degree, who has nothing to put on her resume for the last 8 years. Unless she starts advocating for herself, she’s screwed if they break up. Who is supposed to be her reference for her work experience? 

Post # 52
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

First of all, his ex divorced him for a reason.  Second. the courts probably divided the assets fairly.  I doubt that his current behavior stems from his divorce.  He had these attitudes toward his possessions prior to the divorce.  The anger toward women may or may not be new.  That being said what kind of future do you envisage with this man?  What do his words and actions suggest?  Do you want your child modelling his behavior or views on your relationship in their future life?

I suggest that you start setting money aside.  Find a job.  Consult a lawyer to determine  your rights and responsibilities.  Approach him about couples and individual counselling and really you need to think long and hard about if you want a future with this man.  Please take care of yourself  and your child.  

Post # 53
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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bettercallsaul:  I agree that she put herself in a bad position, but that does not mean that she does not have any work experience.  First of all, not every employer asks for references.  In fact, given that more and more companies will no longer give references for former employees, other than verifying dates of employment and salary, many companies have stopped asking for them.  The last 2 jobs I worked did not check my references.   Secondly, as I previously stated, I am completely sure that there is plenty of evidence of the work she’s done.  And she has probably come into contact with plenty of other people in the process who could vouch for her.  She is not isolated here, and her situation is not insurmountable.  Not by a long shot.  

Post # 54
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee

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MelissainNC:  Yes! I agree with everything you say. It always astounds me that people do not understand the significant non monetary contributions that SAHM’s make to a household and the career sacrifices they make for the wellbeing of the family and their husbands careers. Luckily for OP and women like her, the courts do recognise these contributions.

Post # 55
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

So, the house in insured in his name and he’s saying you are not entitled to anything from the check if the house burned down.   What about your contents? If you lose all of your stuff, is he giving you money from that 500K check to replace your clothes, your childs clothes and personal posessions? 

You may want to look at what the laws are for insurance in your state.  Our friend was living in his Uncle’s house, with no rental agreement in place. the house had a fire.  Friend was not covered for his personal belongings, furniture, etc that was damaged as he was technically, under our state’s insurance laws, a boarder/renter and should have been covered under a renter’s policy to claim for his personal and household items.   

Post # 56
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

If I were you, I would start trying to protect myself even if I did get married.m I would also make sure that the pre-nup worked in your favor so that you are not left destitute in the event of a divorce.  Women and children often end up in poverty due to divorces and you do not want that to be you.  Go back to school even if it is online, find part time work, save some money in a rainy day fund, and also save some money for your retirement.  If he views his money as only his chances are he is not saving anything for you in retirement, I would ensure the pre-nup also included something about retirement funds.  Speak to a lawyer separately from him before signing th pre-nup and make sure it is in your best interest to sign iT.  But really you should view this as a wake up call, and start thinking about yourself and your/your child’s future because he doesn’t seem to be thinking about you.

Post # 57
Member
11389 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You need to stop attaching emotion to this about how he sees you as his ex instead of as you are. Because truthfully no one is greedy and hateful and selfish until after the breakup. So this won’t mean anything to him. 

I’m not defending him, because frankly he sounds like he has issues and is a sexist to boot, but divorce is traumatizing. Losing things you worked for and dreamed about scars a person. So that is what you’re hearing from him. It’s not about you.

that said, what about you? This man doesn’t recognize your contributions or worth and is treating you like you deserve nothing. What are you going to do about that to protect yourself and your child? 

Stop thinking about how he isn’t seeing you as you are and start seeing him as he is. You need a prenup or an agreement that honors the work you do in his business and as a mom. 

Post # 58
Member
7323 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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ct2015:  No flames from me….because your post deserves a high-five.

Is he going about it in a totally wrong way? Yes, but the fact of the matter is he got burned once and for some people – they don’t need any more chances than that. I’m sure you’re a lovely lady, but I would bet when he got together with his ex she was too. Divorce does CRAZY shit to otherwise normal people. Every time I read on here someone say “I’m not the kind of person who would take it all” I just laugh because everyone generally starts out that way.

Sounds to me like you’ve got two options – get a prenup (you each need your OWN attorney) or deal with that it’s going to be this way. 

Post # 59
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

I am always so sorry to read theses posts.  Yes he had a bad experience with his ex. But……when someone carries on like this it really tells you how he feels about you. YOU are not his ex.  He should be able to separate the two. Things are just that….things. I would say his behavior tells you how he FEELS about you.  If it were me I would be out of there so fast.  People mean more than things. After reading the whole post you have been a door mat for him.  So sorry to say that. Please, please Contact an attorney.  8 years is wayyyyy to long to wait to be married and his behavior is out of control. If he really loved you none of this would be an issue for him. By the way HIS business is succeeding because of you!  Get out now. 

Post # 60
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OP you NEED to finish college with a useful degree that will get you a good job with a nice salary and start working afterward.

This goes whether or not you stay with this guy. I would say walk away, but you don’t have the resources to walk yet and fall on your feet.

Just curious, how old are you?

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