(Closed) Apparently I'm entitled to… Nothing :-(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

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anon112233:  um. As an insurance agent he can’t have the ring insured in his name as an engagement ring is considered a gift and a policy must have the name of the owner. 

Post # 62
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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ct2015:  WTF does this have to do with the topic at hand?

OP, I would insist on several things before marriage to this man. A salary, a lawyer, and provision for you and your child should something untoward occur. Without any of those things, I would not work in his business and kids certainly would not proceed with the marriage. I’m sorry, but this guy gives off some seriously bad vibes.  

Post # 63
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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doberman:  

Where did I confuse you??

Post # 64
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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anon112233:  If you’re working a 40 hour week for his business you are not a stay at home mom.  Negotiate a salary.  I don’t know how old your child is but if daycare is in the cards then you can add that cost to your negotiated salary should you remain at home for him.  If he refuses, stop doing that work for him and find it elsewhere.  You are clearly not with a man who accepts the idea of being a breadwinner, I can understand this, I’ve dated men who’ve told me they won’t carry an unemployed wife and I see nothing wrong with that as long as it’s made clear up front.  Sorry hon but you’ve gotta be smart about this, you’re not entitled to anything, you have to take it.

And in the future, or as an aside to other ladies, no matter how in luuurrvvee you are with someone, don’t pay their bills without writing up some kind of loan agreement.  Love is lovely but it doesn’t put food on the table.

Post # 65
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This was so sad for me to read. I am so sorry you’re going through this, I can only imagine how you feel. I understand having children changes things, but if I were you I would NOT marry that man until a lot had changed. You should be equal – and that means you’re entitled to security and assets you’ve helped to build up. As another bee mentioned, you should be getting a SALARY if it’s really all his – newsflash to him because if that’s the case, he can’t just not pay an employee. My concern would be that not only are YOU not protected, but it sounds like your child wouldn’t be either, since nothing’s in your name. Are you at least listed as a beneficiary? Because when minors inherit there’s a lot of fees involved…plus, you should be covered as well. Even if he’s been hurt, he’s let you build this life with him, and clearly he isn’t concerned with your best interest AT ALL. That would be a big sign for me, I don’t know that people can get over something that’s clearly been carried around for a long time. I wish you the best. I really hope YOU’RE ok, with or without him.

Post # 66
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Beach

I’m so sorry! As a Stay-At-Home Mom myself I struggled with this for a SHORT while until he FINALLY came to his senses (I went away for a weekend with girlfriends and left the kids with him) and realized how hard this job REALLY is, and that you don’t just sit and relax all day long. He used to call it HIS money and it was extremely disrespectful and hurtful! But, after that weekend he changed his way of thinking real QUICK and now appreciates the effort that goes into running a household and raising children. He had NO IDEA until that happened what I went through everyday just to keep things in SOME kind of order. He now understands that we have to work as a team to make things work. He even corrects me sometimes when I slip and say “His” money and says “Our” money now. Sometimes they just need a reality check to put things in perspective. I wish you the best!

Post # 67
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Are you not common law married? Forgive me because I live in Canada and maybe the laws are different, but here if you live together for two years you have the same legal rights as if you were married and that means an even division of assets.

Post # 68
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

 

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ct2015:  Uhm, no, the children from the first marriage don’t get provided for before the children from the second marriage.  ALL his children are provided for equally.  Why is his child from a second marriage a lesser child?

At the very least start drawing a salary and if he doesn’t agree advise him that you need to start working outside the house and he needs to hire someone else for his business if needed and you both as a household need to start contributing to childcare.  And any prenuptial agreement should be fair to BOTH parties.

Maybe there is something to his first wife feeling she was not being treated right and walking away with what she was entitled to.

Post # 69
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

 

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blue996:  Depending on the state.

Post # 70
Member
4233 posts
Honey bee

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gatordeb:  

Actually, depending upon the state, subsequent families quite often get portions of child support based upon the portion left over from the first divorce/support decrees.

 

Post # 71
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

 

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NFLwidow:  That falls under “What you can get,” but not “what you should get.”  All children are equal.  She made it sound like he owes more to the children from the first marriage.

Post # 72
Member
4233 posts
Honey bee

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gatordeb:  

Oh, okay. I didn’t interpret ct2015’s comments in that light. To me it seemed that she discussed what is as opposed to what ought, you know? 

Thanks!

Post # 73
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I would start saving money now. Whether or not you decide to leave (though I think you should) you need to cover yourself. You work 8 hours a day? Save from that if you get any salary. If you don’t get paid for 8 hours of work, then quit his job and find another one where you can save. To be honest, he loves his money more than you. If you are willing to scream at your Fiance over something money related, it means your money is more important. That is one of the biggest deal breakers for me. Good luck. *hugs*

Post # 74
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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gatordeb:  

I love how everyone is talking to me like I am the idiot…here is the thing, INTELLIGENT people provide for their children when they get divorced…meaning, the divorce decree stipulates financial commitments to the existing children, whether it is child support, school, life insurance, etc…THOSE children have to be financially taken care of BEFORE ANYTHING/ANYONE else…sure, he can get remarried and have 10 more children, but if the MONEY ISN’T THERE at the end of THOSE obligations to pay for them, well, too bad! 

Maybe it is different in different countries, but that is how it is here in the US…

Post # 75
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

To the OP: I think that your husband’s attitude, both towards you and your family finances, is worrying. To be honest, it would worry me so much that it would cause me to re-think my commitment and situation.

I strongly disagree with the posters that have said that the husband’s attitude is somehow justifiable…  but that’s subjective. However, regardless of your opinion on this, the manner in which he expressed himself was not acceptable. It’s not OK to start shouting and bawling at your partner in this way. This also raises big warning flags for me.

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