Post # 1
This is really just a vent – I know the title can be a little odd but it’s the best way I could come up with to put it across. Twice recently someone has told me I can’t do something even though I’m perfectly capable, because they’re older/more experienced and so they should ‘go first’.
The first was my older sister, who’s been engaged for five years with no solid plans. We got into an argument and she told me that though she’s over it now, up until recently she’d been mad that I’m getting married first and that I should have waited to plan my wedding until after she was married (with no date set) because she’s older and been engaged longer.
The second was my colleague. She heard that I’ve applied for a recent job opening- which the managers have all been pleased about and very positive, have all told me I’ll at least get an interview – and told me that I ‘really shouldn’t bother applying because they won’t look twice at you’. She told me that I don’t stand a chance especially because she’s also going to apply and next to her I won’t stand much of a chance. Then she went on a rant and told me that she’s been waiting twelve years in her dead-end job, waiting for a job like this to come up, and I haven’t been here ‘for two minutes’ and if anyone deserves a promotion it’s her.
This BUGS me. I don’t think I come across as one of the typical self-entitled people – I want to get married, sure, but in a small ceremony that we’ve paid for ourselves without even having a honeymoon or anything after. And yes, I want that job at work, but I feel like I’ve earned it too; I’ve been receiving recognition from management because I’ve been working so hard and doing so well. I’m not demanding these things on a silver platter. If they don’t give me a job, that’s okay, at least I tried. I’m willing to work for whatever I have.
Fiance keeps trying to tell me that people are only doing this to make themselves feel better, or in the case of my colleague he thinks she feels threatened so that’s why she told me not to bother applying. I don’t know, it doesn’t upset me so much as irritate me. I’d never dream of demanding that someone not apply for a job, or hold off on a major life event just to make me feel better. I can’t help but feel like I’m not the only one who gets these kind of comments.
Has anyone else experienced this?
Post # 2
This might come accross badly, but I’m of the opinion that if you don’t make things happen for yourself, nothing will ever happen. There is not a single person that can tell you what you can and cannot do except yourself. I tend to agree with your Fiance that your colleague is feeling threatend by you. I don’t think it is ever a waste of time to apply for a job. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
You sound like someone who is ambitious and hard-working. You never have to apologize for that. I can understand that it is irritating, but seriously, you must do what makes you happy.
And the sister thing… I think big sisters will always just be big sisters…. Nothing you can do about that
Post # 3
Thanks for the comment! 🙂
Don’t worry, I’m still applying for the job. It might annoy me, but there’s no way I’m going to put my life on hold!
Post # 4
I can’t say I remember this ever happening to me, but this whole entitled “I should go first b/c I’m older, more experienced, waiting longer, etc” is really tiresome. Don’t let them get to you! I would just tell your colleague that the job opening is fair game, and it’s up to the higher level people in the company to decide, not between you and her. As for your sister, I’ve read through some of your other threads in the past – well, she shouldn’t have waited 5 years if it was so important that she wanted to get married first!
Post # 5
And what my sis said really doesn’t bother me that much, I understand her feelings and I’m not mad, it just tied in with the details of what’s been bugging me lately.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Sounds like the green eyed monster of jealously has been touching a lot of people close to you. You have to learn to let it roll off your back. I applied for a similar job and not only did I get an interview, I got the job over people just like your co-worker (with her attitude she may never move up due to people not wanting to work with her.)
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
ZebraPrintMe: Bah! That would really irritate me too! I agree with your Fiance about your co-worker. She’s stuck in a dead-end job on her own accord, and chances are, management knows about her attitude and may pass her over for a promotion because of it! Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders though, good luck with the interview!
Post # 8
wow, your coworkers attitude is probably precisely why she has been in a ‘dead end job’ for 12 years. What a cow. Apply for the job and get married on your own schedule, not someone else’s. Same advice I would give someone who was rushing to get married first!