Post # 1
So things have gone very quickly with this guy. 3 months and he’s already written me into the plan of his life and we’ve talked about every serious thing possible, like kids, the idea of being a stepmom to his daughter, buying a house…. He’s in the Navy and this seems to be how they do things and I think he wants to get everything locked down before he has to go out to sea for months at a time.
He’s awesome, funny, caring and totally honest. I think he looks at me and sees white picket fences. I feel like we’ve known each other for longer than we have. He was married before (divorced 5 yrs ago) so he talks about all the serious stuff like it’s no big deal. I haven’t been married before, no kids, never even lived with a guy so to me it all is a big deal and being on the fast track like this is freaking me out a bit. It’s like he’s thinking several steps ahead of where I am. He’s 31 and I’m 28.
Everyone around me has started talking about my wedding. His friends, my friends, the wive’s of his friends! I even corrected one to say I was a girlfriend when she introduced me as his fiancee to some of the other wive’s of guys on his boat. Then she said “so you’re waiting”
So I guess I’m wating!
Post # 2
This is exciting! You haven’t said how you feel about it, though! Are you excited? when you think about it, is this what you really want?
wishing you all the best 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
Do you see white picket fences and a long term future with him? You talked about him writing you into the plan of his life, have you also written him into yours?
Timing is different for everyone and what seems quick to one person is perfectly normal and natural for the next. If you feel things are going to quickly you should just tell him you’d like to ease into things a little bit slower.
Just because he’ll be going out to sea doesn’t mean he has to have the next 20 years planned before he leaves. However, if you are happy with the pace things are going, then congratulations! It’s time to add yourself to the waiting list here.
Post # 4
I’m excited but also overwelmed! I have to admit I was thinking “I think I’m going to marry this guy” within a week so mabe I’m guilty of fast tracking too!
I’m ususally very cautious but for some reason we’ve been comfortable to be open books to each other. It’s a lot to wrap my head around since I didn’t expect it. We met online, I made a profile, went on one date and BOOM!
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
3 months dating and he has kids and an ex wife and is ready to get married? i would take things slowly, and it’s a little concerning that he’s not. If you feel freaked out, tell him that (in a nice way). I would feel super grossed out if someone told me I was “waiting” with a boyfriend of 3 months.
Post # 6
Admittedly I’ve been ‘waiting’ a bit longer than I would have liked, but I also wouldn’t go the other extreme buying a house with a guy I’ve known for 3 months. Personally I don’t think you know someone well enough after 3 months to make long term commitments- and he has a daughter to think about as well. Is he generally impulsive in all of his actions? You say that this ‘seems to be how they do things’. So maybe in that light it’s understandable from his p.o.v. he wants to settle things before he leaves? Or perhaps he’s insecure having fallen hard for someone he now has to leave for an extended period and wants to know you’re fully committed to him and would feel better leaving a wife or fiance than a girlfriend? Were his extended leave periods an issue in his first marriage? I don’t think I’d be ready to be engaged or live with someone I hadn’t been dating at least a year or more and I think when children are in the picture potential serious partners/ step-parents should be introduced more gradually into a child’s life. I’m not trying to sound overly pessimistic, just cautious. There are indeed many examples of whirlwind courtships that have worked out beautifully in the long term- but there are also cautionary tales to bear in mind too. Would the two of you be happy with an engagement for now and wedding planning/ house buying after he returns home? Are you ready to take on the burden solo if his leave comes up while you’re still in mid-purchase/ mid-move?
Post # 7
I’m with you here. What’s the rush? The first marriage failed and then the rushing into the next one is a red flag for me too.
Just take your time and get to know him properly, 3 months is so not enough time to know if you really know this man and if you’re truely compatible. 3 months, to me, is still the honeymoon period. Let the relationship settle in and see how things go.
we are all guilty of thinkinf they’re ‘the one’ during the honeymoon period!
Post # 8
I have told him we need to slow things down take it one step at a time. I AM NOT going to buy a house with him. If he wants to get one I could be added later. I actually made that mistake in a previous relationship and I’m still trying to get that worked out with my ex. When I asked what his time frame was he said it wasn’t soon at all. So all this future stuff is stuff he likes to talk about and not something he’s planning to do tomorrow. His response when I told him I was anxious about moving in together he said “It’s not going to happen for a while but I feel like we’re definitely going to live together”
The long absences were an issue in his marriage and his ex cheated on him while he was away then told him not to come home. I’ve met quite a few navy guys with the same story.
In regards to his kid, he said he hasn’t introduced anyone he’s seeing to her before and I’ve told him there is no rush. I think part of his rush is that if he were married he’d be able to see his daughter more since he can’t now because she’s too young to be left alone and he’s basically “on call”.
He’s got all these goals for himself and his family and he’s focused on what he wants in the end, rather than the steps that happen on the way there. His previous relationships seem to have been with materialistic mooches that took advantage, he likes that I’m independent and have my own career. I think he’s so gung ho because no one has treated him like an equal before.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
It’s sounds like you two are having talks about the future and not making actionable plans for it yet. That’s fine, even at 3 months. There’s nothing wrong or too quick about discussing what you would like to have happen in the future and where you would like to see things go. As long as you are both comfortable with the pace things are going and neither one of you feel like you are being pushed faster than you want to be, continue going at your own speed. You can move forward and still be cautious and slow paced at the same time.
Post # 10
I have experienced enough relationships changing after 3, 6, or 9 months to know that after 3 months you don’t really know someone yet, even if it “feels right.”
It’s great you met someone who is crazy about you, but make sure you reciprocate his feelings and that he doesn’t act this way with every other woman.