(Closed) Apparently I'm waiting

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

This is exciting! You haven’t said how you feel about it, though! Are you excited? when you think about it, is this what you really want?

wishing you all the best 🙂

Post # 3
Member
3653 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Do you see white picket fences and a long term future with him? You talked about him writing you into the plan of his life, have you also written him into yours? 

Timing is different for everyone and what seems quick to one person is perfectly normal and natural for the next. If you feel things are going to quickly you should just tell him you’d like to ease into things a little bit slower.

Just because he’ll be going out to sea doesn’t mean he has to have the next 20 years planned before he leaves. However, if you are happy with the pace things are going, then congratulations! It’s time to add yourself to the waiting list here.

Post # 5
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

3 months dating and he has kids and an ex wife and is ready to get married? i would take things slowly, and it’s a little concerning that he’s not. If you feel freaked out, tell him that (in a nice way). I would feel super grossed out if someone told me I was “waiting” with a boyfriend of 3 months. 

Post # 6
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

Admittedly I’ve been ‘waiting’ a bit longer than I would have liked, but I also wouldn’t go the other extreme buying a house with a guy I’ve known for 3 months. Personally I don’t think you know someone well enough after 3 months to make long term commitments- and he has a daughter to think about as well. Is he generally impulsive in all of his actions? You say that this ‘seems to be how they do things’. So maybe in that light it’s understandable from his p.o.v. he wants to settle things before he leaves? Or perhaps he’s insecure having fallen hard for someone he now has to leave for an extended period and wants to know you’re fully committed to him and would feel better leaving a wife or fiance than a girlfriend? Were his extended leave periods an issue in his first marriage? I don’t think I’d be ready to be engaged or live with someone I hadn’t been dating at least a year or more and I think when children are in the picture potential serious partners/ step-parents should be introduced more gradually into a child’s life. I’m not trying to sound overly pessimistic, just cautious. There are indeed many examples of whirlwind courtships that have worked out beautifully in the long term- but there are also cautionary tales to bear in mind too. Would the two of you be happy with an engagement for now and wedding planning/ house buying after he returns home? Are you ready to take on the burden solo if his leave comes up while you’re still in mid-purchase/ mid-move?

Post # 7
Member
22 posts
Newbee

View original reply
peegee:  I’m with you here. What’s the rush? The first marriage failed and then the rushing into the next one is a red flag for me too. 

Just take your time and get to know him properly, 3 months is so not enough time to know if you really know this man and if you’re truely compatible. 3 months, to me, is still the honeymoon period. Let the relationship settle in and see how things go. 

we are all guilty of thinkinf they’re ‘the one’ during the honeymoon period! 

Post # 9
Member
3653 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

It’s sounds like you two are having talks about the future and not making actionable plans for it yet. That’s fine, even at 3 months. There’s nothing wrong or too quick about discussing what you would like to have happen in the future and where you would like to see things go. As long as you are both comfortable with the pace things are going and neither one of you feel like you are being pushed faster than you want to be, continue going at your own speed. You can move forward and still be cautious and slow paced at the same time.

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

I have experienced enough relationships changing after 3, 6, or 9 months to know that after 3 months you don’t really know someone yet, even if it “feels right.” 

It’s great you met someone who is crazy about you, but make sure you reciprocate his feelings and that he doesn’t act this way with every other woman. 

Good luck! 

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