(Closed) Apparently my wedding is not all about what I want…. HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would tell my mother, “You’re right. It’s not all about me. It’s about me and my husband and celebrating the first day of the rest of our lives. I’ll let you know what I decide! Love you! Gotta run.”

I find my mother difficult to talk to about certain things so I just tell her thanks for letting me vent or whatever and do what i want to do.

Good luck

Post # 4
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

urgh…it most e crazy mommy day! its your day! do what you want on your wedding day. she already had hers!

Post # 5
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Bessica92113:  I loved the last line you wrote: “I don’t know how long I can keep the beast down!”   At least you haven’t lost your sense of humor  {:^)

Post # 6
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with Mrs.Shamrock, keep it short and sweet. she’s right, “It’s your and your fiances day” and you should have the wedding anyway, anywhere and anyhow you both want it. She had her day and chose the VFW hall. She should allow you to have yours.

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What is your mom’s concern here? Is she worried that you’ll pick an expensive venue and then not be able to afford as many guests? How many guests are you planning on having? Knowing the answers to those questions would help, but I would calmly explain to her that of course it’s important to you to have those closest to you there for the wedding, but that you also want a nice wedding, and you’re sure there’s room to compromise with those two things. If you don’t want a million guests maybe explain that you’d love to have a gorgeous, but small, wedding with just those closest to you. Or if you have plans to DIY tell her about those. Or maybe she just needs reassurance that you don’t expect her to foot a bill that is much more money than she can afford.

If none of this works, and she just wants to be negative, then I’m sorry =(  In that case I’d think it would be best to avoid wedding talk with her. If she starts just say, “Mom, I love you, but every time we talk about the wedding I end up feeling bad about what is a happy occasion, so I’d rather not talk about it.” Then don’t, just chnge the subject whenever she brings it up. If she starts yelling, calmly say, “I have to go now, talk to you later”, and hang up.

Sorry you’re dealing with this!

Post # 9
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your mom and my mom must be talking or something.

My mom does not seem to understand any of the visions I have for MY wedding and no matter what I suggest her response is “that’s to much money”. She also keeps reminding me it’s not about me and that the significance of the day is the marriage itself. I’m not young (30), I understand all that. I would marry my Fiance any where any time – but we are lucky to have the option to have a nice reasonable wedding. I only get this day once and I’ve waited until I found the right person for it (was with the wrong person for a LONG time and didn’t marry him). I’m not trying to throw Kim Kardashin’s wedding or anything. But for us, the location was very important and my mother simply couldn’t understand that.

Sorry – that was less advice and more a sympathetic vent. I’ve had to remind my mother this is my FI’s wedding also and he has ideas too. I’ve had to make him voice his opinion about things so she realizes it’s not just me. If she likes your Fiance, maybe hearing him nicely say the VFW is not his choice either will help her move past it.

Post # 12
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yeah, in my experience weddings are about what a lot of people want, not just the couple in question. “It’s your day!” HahahahahahahaNO.

HOWEVER, in your case, since you’re paying for pretty much everything, you get pretty much everything you want, as far as I’m concerned! 

Post # 15
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can empathize. The early stages in wedding planning were rough as you have to make so many major decisions. I visited a ton of venues, got prices for everything, then made a spreadsheet breaking down the costs so that I could have something concrete to show everyone involved. Don’t forget to include linen/china/flatware/glassware rental; servers, even if self-catering, as someone has to refill the buffet and clear dishes; a bartender, drinks of all sorts, etc.; decorating costs. 

Also, be sure you’re budget goes as far as you think it will. The early stages were also painful because I realized just how expensive everything is. Ouch. 

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