(Closed) appeasing FI vs. a friend feeling comfortable at my wedding

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@kingytobe: eeks this is quite tough. I’m not sure what to do. I agree with both of your sides.

Post # 4
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m a strong proponent of appeasing your fiance first and foremost, at least in most cases.  You need to side with him on this one.  You didn’t give your friend a guest, so she does not get to bring one.  Her comfort at your wedding does not trump your FI’s… or other people’s who didn’t get to bring a guest.

Post # 5
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I aggree with @mwitter80 I definitely understand where your fiance is coming from, but I also understand how awkward it can be to go to a wedding solo not knowing anyone…maybe you can bring it up later after things have calmed down. If he is still upset after you bring it up the second time, his feelings might not change on the issue….tough call. 🙁

Post # 6
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

If she knew plenty of other people at the wedding, I would say Kingy was right.  However, since she doesn’t really know anyone else, I would let her bring a date.

Post # 7
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If your cutoff was those in a serious relationship, she seems to fit that bill. If your cutoff was married/engaged/living together, I would see your FI’s point, but this doesn’t sound like the case. Obviously, she was wrong to rsvp with a guest when one wasn’t invited for her, but I would let it go in this case. Maybe you can tell your Fiance that you want to support her relationship by taking it seriously and the situation has changed since the invites went out (now she is in a serious relationship and fits your criteria).

Post # 9
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s a toughie because I can see where you both are coming from….does Fiance have any friends in similar situations? Because if so it’s not really fair to make an exception for your friend, but not his…if not, then I agree with PP thoughts to let it mellow a bit and then try bringing it up again and seeing…

Post # 10
3942 posts
Honey bee

I see both sides, but I would let her bring a date. I know its been debated 10000 times on the board. But for me personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable at all at a wedding alone, where I didnt know many people. I know some people are totally fine in those type of situations, but I am a classic introvert and I would be miserable.

Post # 11
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Let her bring a date and hopefully they will pay for their plates (at least) so you arent out $$ – which seems to be part of your Fiance concern

Post # 13
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If the invitation/rsvp made no indicator that she could bring a guest then there is no reason she should be putting you in the awkward situation of ‘telling you’ she’s bringing one.  If your invitations said ‘+1’ or __ guests attending, that’s a different story. 

I would appease the Fiance, no reason to let a friend stress you guys out in a stressed out time already imo.

Post # 14
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Could she know that, though?  Not everyone knows wedding etiquette.  I think it’s quite normal for people to think they can bring a guest.  Why would you go to a wedding alone? Assuming probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but maybe she either feels slighted that she didn’t get a +1 or maybe she doesn’t think that friendship stopped at formal wedding etiquette?

Post # 15
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We set rules at the start of the guest list but then as no’s starting rolling in and there were last minute changes, we didn’t fight it.  The budget was already set and we planned to spend that much already so if so and so wants to invite their boyfriend then we were ok with it.  I say let her bring him.  Especially if there is room, what’s one more person at your choice? 

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