(Closed) Apprehensive about sharing bed with FH after wedding. Advice?

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MlleDarcy:  What does your FH think about separate beds?

Post # 4
Member
7988 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You could always do twin beds pushed together to make a king. At least you’d have your own mattress/blankets.

Post # 5
Member
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MlleDarcy:  What sort of things are you particular about, and what can he do to accomodate your needs?

If the answer is nothing, then I guess there isn’t much choice.

I personally find sharing a bed quite intimate, actually.

But I don’t think anybody needs to follow rules about sharing a bed, and if your FH doesn’t mind sleeping seperately (perhaps in the same room), then I don’t see why it matters what anybody else thinks.

Post # 6
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

When my FI and I taught together in Korea we had two twin beds next to each other in the same room (it was what was provided for us).  If we wanted to be intimate we could just roll over the gap and cuddle or what not and then when it was sleepy time we both went to our separate beds.  I personally didn’t like it.  I prefer sleeping together in a larger bed, but I wouldn’t see anything wrong with it.  My FI is a light sleeper so I can understand why you would be nervous about sharing a bed.

Post # 7
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Honestly, if I was picky enough to want a separate bed, I’d recommend having separate rooms.  Others getting up at night or snoring can be just as distracting as movement in bed.   

Sometimes my husband and I sleep in separate rooms — usually when someone has a cold/cough or something.  I sleep so much better!!  I kind of wish it was a regular thing, but then other times I can spoon all night and sleep like a baby.  I’d miss that.

Post # 8
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MlleDarcy:  You sound like me when it comes to getting blood drawn at the doctor’s..

Just try it, maybe you’ll like it. If not he’s marrying you and that includes the whole package, so he will just have to get over it. 

Post # 9
Member
2499 posts
Buzzing bee

@MlleDarcy:  Can you just get a really large bed? I get really hot when I sleep and my SO is basically like a space heater, so it’s nice to have enough room to roll over and have room to cool off.

Post # 10
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

FI and I share the same (king sized) bed.. But he’s a big guy, a restless sleeper, and often snores. Sometimes when he is especially antsy, or snoring too loud I just go into the guest room.  I also sleep alone when I have anxiety too.. I do try to sleep with him more often than not – there is an intimacy that comes with sleeping together and I know he’s sensitive if I am frequently absent from bed.

I will also add that taking a small sleep aide dose helps tremendously and based off your situation I 100% recomend using one when you first start sleeping with him to help with the transition.

Post # 11
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

I am a SUPER particular sleeper, too. For some reason, though, once I started spending the night at my SO’s and when I lived with him for a bit, I could always fall asleep really easily because of getting cuddled haha. Maybe there is hope…since you haven’t actually slept next to him yet, you can try it out and establish a NEW particular way to sleep. Like he could rub your back to help you fall asleep or be a big spoon. Those work for me:). Now that I live separately it is harder to fall asleep alone even though my blankets and space and things are how I like them. Meh I’d rather be being a little spoon ;]. But if separate beds works for you guys, whatever makes you happy!

Post # 12
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MlleDarcy:  I think it’s most important to do what works for you as individuals and a couple, rather than worrying about “stigma” of what others think.

You have a few options, depending on the particulars of your needs and the input of your FI.  You could have a california king, which is huge and would allow you plenty of room of your own but on the same bed.  

Otherwise, you could have 2 twins to push together and separate as needed.  Trouble is, the switch from together to separate and vice versa is tricky due to changing the sheets to be “sharing” sheets to “separate” sheets.

Lastly, you could have one big bed (the “couple” bed) and then one separate bed.  One of you sleeps in each, but then you have a larger bed to share for cuddling, intimate times, reading in bed before bedtime, whatever.

I think it’s most important to talk about this with your FI so that you are on the same page about expectations and a game plan, and to discuss whether or not there is anything you can do individually/as a couple to meet your needs and also his.  He may really want to sleep in the same bed as part of what he needs in his relationship.  Without knowing where he stands, it’s hard to give good advice.

Post # 13
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MlleDarcy:  DH snores and I kick like a donkey in my sleep (I’ll cause bruises on him if we sleep too close).  Nine times out of ten, we sleep in different rooms.  I don’t see why there is a stigma about sleeping separetely.  It doesn’t effect our love life at all.  If either one of us is feeling frisky, we just climb into the other bed. 

Post # 14
Member
5407 posts
Bee Keeper

I mean, I think you should do whatever makes you both most comfortable. It doesn’t matter what’s “normal” if you’re both down with it. What kinds of issues do you have? Like, FH is really tall and moves around and twitches and slaps me (lol) so we recently got a cal king and oh man is it amazing. We have so much space and I love it! Would a big bed work for you?

Ultimatley, if it works for you, go for separate beds. Lucy and Ricky did 😉

Post # 15
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

@MlleDarcy: have you two ever slept together in ur entire relationship? What specific things make u restless and unable to sleep

Post # 16
Member
9918 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t make any decisions until the time comes.   Maybe you’ll love sleeping in the same bed!

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