Post # 17
I can’t imagine not sharing a bed with my husband. I sleep fantastically with him there – but neither of us kick around a lot, or push each other off the bed. 🙂 We both snore sometimes, and I hog the blankets, which is fine, since he runs a lot hotter than I do and usually pulls them off anyway. 🙂
Just give it a shot and try to relax. Then if you decide you absolutely can’t do it, try some of the other options here that people have suggested. I hear the separate beds thing is great for some couples. 🙂
Post # 18
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Get a king sized bed! That way you can still do some snuggling (which is SO important, I think) but you can roll way the heck away from him when you want to sleep.
Post # 19
I am also a light sleeper but we’ve made it work- we have a queen bed, which is big enough for us to both sleep comfortably only barely touching. We DONT sleep all intertwined like in movies- we usually sleep back to back, touching or almost touching. He’s 6’3, 180 lbs and I’m 5’4, 145 lbs so neither of us are very small people.
I would recommend giving it a shot before you stress about an alternative
Post # 20
What does your FH want? I see nothing wrong with having separate beds if that is what works for you two. I have a friend who has two houses – one is “hers” and the other is her husband’s. Sometimes they spend the night, sometimes they don’t. They’ve been married for almost 20 years, so it works for them. That is completely unconventional, but it works for them. Before my husband and I shared a bed together, I had some anxiety about it. It’s a long story and not really important, but I have issues with sleeping around other people. I’m so used to it now though that when he’s not here, I have a hard time sleeping. If you two decide you want to give it a shot, you can try just relaxing in bed together, without any expectations – just lay there together, and enjoy cuddling. Or even lay in bed and read.
Post # 21
My guess is that you are mostly concern about having him moving around during sleep which may wake you up or affect your sleep cycle… I would suggest get a Tempurpedic or one of those memory foam mattress which would absorb those movement… With it, you two probably wont feel it or be disturbed during sleep… Also, I would suggest getting it before the wedding so you can take some time getting used to it… It was weird for me the first week sleeping in my tempurpedic and now I absolutely love it and would not trade it for anything! (maybe a newer model haha)
Post # 22
We have one bed that’s “ours”, but one of us ends up in the spare room fairly frequently.
Post # 23
@MlleDarcy: I’m also a very particular sleeper, it was really hard to get used to sleeping with someone else! Before I moved in we went a bought a king sized bed, although honestly the first couple of years it never seemed big enough. It took time getting used used to each other’s sleeping habits- but we are used to them now. There are still nights when I have to wake him up and tell him to move the hell over though! And I keep earplugs handy if he won’t stop snoring.
Post # 24
It has to be very, very cold, and quiet. I have to have a fan blowing on me. I can’t handle motion or any light. I sleep on a full as is and couldn’t do a twin because I have to have open space on either side of me. I already take a sleep aid 3 or 4 nights a week. : ( I have a pretty serious anxiety disorder that I manage pretty well with minimal medication, but the sleep aspect of it is something I haven’t been able to fix.
FH said that he would prefer not to sleep in separate beds, but that he will do whatever we need. He’s sensitive because his parents sleeping separately was the beginning of the end of their marriage. He was too young to remember anything but that. I think he also thinks that 2 beds = no sex. Which is not the plan.
It’s not necessarily that I care what people think, I just don’t have experience with this and am wanting to know if I am wrong in being worried. My family members all told me to suck it up and share a bed because that’s what married people do. I think I just needed a little encouragement and to hear from other people who sleep separately.
Sort of, we fell asleep while cuddling on vacation and I woke up an hour later miserable because of the heat. It was a king, and he sleeps like a rock, so I rolled and pushed him over to one side and turned on the fan and slept restlessy, not something I could do every night.
We were given a really nice queen sized mattress as a gift, so that’s part of my worry. I would have chosen a king if we were going to plan on sharing a bed. I thought about having a separate room, but we already put a deposit down on a 1 bedroom apartment downtown. It is small, but the location is too perfect.
Post # 25
i have nothing against separate beds! Nothing is better than having the bed to yourself. That being said, we have a king bed so we don’t really have issues anymore with sleeping together.
Post # 26
I think you just need to give it time to adjust. I am a super light sleeper and need all of the things that you mentioned and just got used to it. It helped me to adjust to sleeping for the first few nights to use a sleep aid and then to realize that I can sleep through the night.
I know sleeping comes with a lot of anxiety, but I don’t think separate rooms will be a good start to your marriage, I can’t imagine you have a house that has room for a full and another bed in the same room.
Post # 27
It’s a one bedroom, but the rooms themselves are huge. We could easily fit two fulls with the rest of the bedroom furniture.
Post # 29
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
My husband works overnights, so 5 nights a week he’s not even in the house when I’m asleep and vice versa. I honestly prefer it–I’ve gotten used to sleeping alone and the 2 nights a week we are together I don’t sleep as well. I have gone upstairs to sleep before or onto a couch, and even when we make it through the whole night he usually gets up early and I sleep in a couple hours just to catch up, or I have to take a nap during the day. (not practical for day-to-day life) It doesn’t mean we love one another any less, we still have great sex, we have a normal relationship, we just don’t sleep well together. It’s not like we can’t be in the same room when we’re awake, that would be weird. Anyway, do what makes you comfortable and happy. No one wants a cranky, sleep-deprived, anxious wife or husband. and really, how will the people in your family know? Are they doing bed checks? Just lie if they ask, or tell them to butt out.
Post # 30
Nice! I would still give it a try for a couple of weeks (as long as you can go on not very much sleep) and then see.
I assume if you haven’t shared a bed that you are also going to be intimate for the first time? If that is wrong then ignore me. But, this could completely change the dynamic as well…sometimes you just fall asleep afterwards and stay asleep. Sorry Too Much Information. I often sleep really well if there is sex immediately before bed.
Post # 31
Thanks for the tip about the memory foam. I’m going to do some research and look at toppers.
Thank you everyone! I’m just going to give it a little time and talk to FH about it more. To everyone that said that it gets better with time, thank you for the encouragement! We may end up going with two beds, but I feel much better about either decision after hearing about your personal experiences.