(Closed) Apprehensive about sharing bed with FH after wedding. Advice?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can’t imagine not sharing a bed with my husband. I sleep fantastically with him there – but neither of us kick around a lot, or push each other off the bed. 🙂 We both snore sometimes, and I hog the blankets, which is fine, since he runs a lot hotter than I do and usually pulls them off anyway. 🙂 

Just give it a shot and try to relax. Then if you decide you absolutely can’t do it, try some of the other options here that people have suggested. I hear the separate beds thing is great for some couples. 🙂

Post # 18
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Get a king sized bed!  That way you can still do some snuggling (which is SO important, I think) but you can roll way the heck away from him when you want to sleep.

Post # 19
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am also a light sleeper but we’ve made it work- we have a queen bed, which is big enough for us to both sleep comfortably only barely touching.  We DONT sleep all intertwined like in movies- we usually sleep back to back, touching or almost touching. He’s 6’3, 180 lbs and I’m 5’4, 145 lbs so neither of us are very small people.

I would recommend giving it a shot before you stress about an alternative

Post # 20
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

What does your FH want? I see nothing wrong with having separate beds if that is what works for you two. I have a friend who has two houses – one is “hers” and the other is her husband’s. Sometimes they spend the night, sometimes they don’t. They’ve been married for almost 20 years, so it works for them. That is completely unconventional, but it works for them. Before my husband and I shared a bed together, I had some anxiety about it. It’s a long story and not really important, but I have issues with sleeping around other people. I’m so used to it now though that when he’s not here, I have a hard time sleeping. If you two decide you want to give it a shot, you can try just relaxing in bed together, without any expectations – just lay there together, and enjoy cuddling. Or even lay in bed and read. 

Post # 21
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My guess is that you are mostly concern about having him moving around during sleep which may wake you up or affect your sleep cycle… I would suggest get a Tempurpedic or one of those memory foam mattress which would absorb those movement… With it, you two probably wont feel it or be disturbed during sleep… Also, I would suggest getting it before the wedding so you can take some time getting used to it… It was weird for me the first week sleeping in my tempurpedic and now I absolutely love it and would not trade it for anything! (maybe a newer model haha)

Post # 22
9050 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

We have one bed that’s “ours”, but one of us ends up in the spare room fairly frequently. 

Post # 23
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MlleDarcy:  I’m also a very particular sleeper, it was really hard to get used to sleeping with someone else! Before I moved in we went a bought a king sized bed, although honestly the first couple of years it never seemed big enough. It took time getting used used to each other’s sleeping habits- but we are used to them now. There are still nights when I have to wake him up and tell him to move the hell over though! And I keep earplugs handy if he won’t stop snoring. 

Post # 25
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

i have nothing against separate beds! Nothing is better than having the bed to yourself.  That being said, we have a king bed so we don’t really have issues anymore with sleeping together.

Post # 26
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you just need to give it time to adjust. I am a super light sleeper and need all of the things that you mentioned and just got used to it. It helped me to adjust to sleeping for the first few nights to use a sleep aid and then to realize that I can sleep through the night. 

I know sleeping comes with a lot of anxiety, but I don’t think separate rooms will be a good start to your marriage, I can’t imagine you have a house that has room for a full and another bed in the same room.

Post # 28
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

try it 

Post # 29
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

My husband works overnights, so 5 nights a week he’s not even in the house when I’m asleep and vice versa. I honestly prefer it–I’ve gotten used to sleeping alone and the 2 nights a week we are together I don’t sleep as well. I have gone upstairs to sleep before or onto a couch, and even when we make it through the whole night he usually gets up early and I sleep in a couple hours just to catch up, or I have to take a nap during the day. (not practical for day-to-day life) It doesn’t mean we love one another any less, we still have great sex, we have a normal relationship, we just don’t sleep well together. It’s not like we can’t be in the same room when we’re awake, that would be weird. Anyway, do what makes you comfortable and happy. No one wants a cranky, sleep-deprived, anxious wife or husband. and really, how will the people in your family know? Are they doing bed checks? Just lie if they ask, or tell them to butt out.

Post # 30
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Nice! I would still give it a try for a couple of weeks (as long as you can go on not very much sleep) and then see. 

I assume if you haven’t shared a bed that you are also going to be intimate for the first time? If that is wrong then ignore me. But, this could completely change the dynamic as well…sometimes you just fall asleep afterwards and stay asleep. Sorry Too Much Information. I often sleep really well if there is sex immediately before bed. 


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