(Closed) Apprehensive about sharing bed with FH after wedding. Advice?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 33
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MlleDarcy:  Im a very particular sleeper too but adjusted in about 2 weeks. Now if Fiance is gone its slightly harder to get a good nights rest. I would give it a shot, but really if two beds makes it better for you than do it. We had seperate beds at the beginning while dating because our schedules were different and it just made sense

Post # 34
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you’ve never slept together in a really huge bed, I recommend trying it once in a hotel or somesuch. For FH and I, when we had a king with a really nice mattress that didn’t transfer a lot of movement, I barely knew he was there if I wanted to scooch away a little. 

Post # 35
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Sorry if this is a repeat, but maybe you could get 2 twins and put them on rollers, so you could easily push them together for snuggling and seperate them for sleeping?

Post # 36
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

There are certainly OTHER people with sleep issues

(so you know you are not alone)

And for many couples those issues increase as they age…

Possible solutions…

King Size Bed – Two Twins pushed together – Seperate Beds in the same room – Different Bedrooms

Lots of possibilities…

And you right sleep is an important element…

But so is intimacy… and there is something quite special for most couples about sleeping together

Mr TTR and I both sleep more soundly when we are together than apart

But it didn’t start out this way… it didn’t happen overnight (lol, pun) it actually took some time to get to this stage…

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 37
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I started out that way, not being able to have a good night sleep with him, but now it’s the opposite. I can’t get a good night sleep unless he’s home and we go to bed at the same time.  It’s all trial and error and finding what works for you guys. No one needs to know what goes on in the bedroom but you two!

Post # 38
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

When DH and I started sleeping in the same bed, I was a bit restless for the first few nights. Just because I wasn’t used to having someone in the same bed as me. But it got better and now I can’t imagine sleeping in our bed without him.

But I could never share a blanket with my husband. I have to have my own!

Post # 39
Member
5187 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@MlleDarcy:  we sleep in separate rooms. I have severe chronic insomnia and he snores. It has no negative effects on our marriage. The times we have shared a bed, like on vacation, have been horrendous and if I had to do that every night we’d probably end up resenting each other.

Post # 40
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

My parents sleep in seperate beds! They tried together for five years, and decided that it just wasn’t working for them! But there are four of us and they’ve been together for 26 years, so it doesn’t seem to be detrimental to their marriage!

 

Post # 41
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

i’d suggest seeing how sleeping together goes.  There are couples who have twin beds, separate rooms or deal with sleeping apart in some other way that have intimate relationships; but until you try sleeping together, you won’t know if it’s workable or not for you.  When you share a bed, while yes you are sleeping, there can be a comfort and intimacy to waking up next to the person or when you rouse up in the night feeling them next to you.

If you try and it’s not workable and the two of you agree on another arrangement, there’s nothing wrong with it.  And if you never try it, there’s nothing wrong with it.  However, I think it’s worth trying and seeing if it’s workable.

Post # 42
Member
22 posts
Newbee

SO and I have recently moved in together, which means we are sharing a bed, all the time now. It’s defintely a change and we have gotten into some fights about, as silly as it sounds. I like to sleep with a light duvet while he’s all about the large heavy comforter, I like pillows, he doesn’t etc. It’s just about finding a compromise for what will work for both of you, it’ll take some time to maybe find what works and I know it’s hard to be patient when you didn’t get a good night’s sleep! Talk to FH and see how he likes to sleep and see if you can find some common threads from there see what you both can compromise on.

 

XOXO

Post # 43
Member
22 posts
Newbee

SO and I have recently moved in together, which means we are sharing a bed, all the time now. It’s defintely a change and we have gotten into some fights about, as silly as it sounds. I like to sleep with a light duvet while he’s all about the large heavy comforter, I like pillows, he doesn’t etc. It’s just about finding a compromise for what will work for both of you, it’ll take some time to maybe find what works and I know it’s hard to be patient when you didn’t get a good night’s sleep! Talk to FH and see how he likes to sleep and see if you can find some common threads from there see what you both can compromise on.

 

 

 

XOXO

 

Post # 44
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FH and I sleep in different bedrooms! We have VERY different work schedules – he gets up at 1 AM to get ready for work! Plus he is an extremely light sleeper whereas I sleep like a rock. He snores and I grind my teeth. It’s the only way we get our much needed sleep.

 

It works for us as I always tell FH is always welcome to “visit my tepee” any time he wants!

 

Post # 45
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

See if you can reach a compromise, maybe 4 nights seperate, 3 nights together?  

Or something that works with your schedules. It doesn’t have to be sleeping together/apart EVERY night, you can change it up based on how your both feeling. 

My FH and have lived together for about a year and he prefers to sleep in seperate beds during the week because of our different schedules and because he is a light sleeper in the mornings.  It was hard for me to get used to at first because I imagined that we would sleep next to each other every night, but now I have come to appreciate it and I actually think we both sleep better.  Our intimacy and relationship have not been affected by this once we figured out something that we were both comfortable with.  Also, I don’t know if you see a therapist for your anxiety but Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can do wonders for anxiety (it did for me in the past).  Good luck!

Post # 46
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am a fairly particular sleeper too and had a full bed to myself all my life. When I shared a twin bed with my cousin when I was younger I kicked her off of it in my sleep. I also talk in my sleep and I get up to pee at least once a night, usually twice. It takes me a very long time to fall asleep and on top of all this, I work nights so my sleep is all over the place, my husband snores, and we have a 80 pound lab who we share the queen sized bed with. As much as I was afraid of sharing the bed with him, I couldn’t imagine never sharing the bed with him now. We don’t cuddle to fall asleep often because to me it’s uncomfortable and I move all the time, but I still like sharing the bed with him and he likes sharing it with me.

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