Post # 1
Hey again bees. As you might have seen from my previous posts I am terrified of infertility. I have never had problems with my periods apart from some mid cycle bleeding. The doctor suggested this was ovulation bleeding (as my smear test was normal) and I think temps and OPKs confirmed that yes, indeed the bleeding/spotting does happen during/before/after ovulation.
This is our technically fourth cycle TTC but cycle #2 I was so ill and on so many drugs that I didn’t really count it. So anyway this is our third or fourth cycle TTC and I am struggling. I symptom spot even when I’m trying not to. Everyone keeps telling me to relax but I probably think about this every minute of every day. I see pregnant women everywhere and I’m not jealous but it does cut like a knife. I feel like I’m surrounded by people who get pregnant first try or even by accident (and I don’t mean that to sound insulting to anyone) I’m terribly afraid that there is something wrong. Can anyone convince me (again) that it sometimes takes normal healthy couples longer than this to conceive a normal healthy baby naturally? I am just approaching the end of cycle #4, I am 10DPO but feel like AF is on her way and I tested this afternoon with a 20miU test which was negative so pretty sure I’m out.
I know I come across as quite needy and even annoying in my posts. I don’t mean to, I just don’t really have anywhere else to talk about it and I’m hoping you guys will be able to lift me up as you have so many times before.
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/45879c/
Post # 3
@Lillyrose: I didn’t get pregnant until my 8th month trying. I didn’t temp, I took 2 opks when I thought I might be ovulating and we BD in the morning instead of at night that cycle. I don’t think you have to completely relax, but try to stay positive. The right time will come and worst case scenario you are one month closer to the one year of trying where you can go to the doctor for more testing.
Each day was slow, but overall the 8 months we tried flew by!
Post # 4
@Lillyrose: we started to TTC in July and I just got my BFP, on our fifth cycle. One cycle was 19 !?!??! days long, I was so confused and just like, WTF. I don’t know whether to count that one or not. Anyways, I was worried, too, but really, it just takes time. I was sure I was getting my period the week before I got my BFP, because I had lots of PMS symptoms, including cramps. You could still get your BFP this cycle, or it could take a few more cycles. Keep on keepin’ on and having lots of sex. You WILL get pregnant.
Post # 5
I know how it feels. We are into cycle #7 and month 8. It’s very difficult to not get your hopes up, only to feel heavy disappointment. I keep telling myself that it’s meant to be when it’s meant to be. Nothing anyone says or does is going to make you feel any better. Believe me. But each month it doesn’t turn out, I tell myself that’s one more month I can prepare financially, physically and emotionally. I am so ready, and my future baby will know how hard I tried for him/her and how much I love him/her. 🙂
Post # 6
Totally know how you feel. It sucks and seems like everyone pregnant all around you. This is cycle #6 for us.
HUGS and know you are not alone!! Have a glass of wine and allow yourself to sulk for a night or two 🙂
Post # 7
I totally understand how your feeling!!! On our 5th cycle I got my BFP after thinking I was 100% out bc we only BD 2!!!! Times that cycle. All the cycles before that I symptom stalked like crazy, stressed, had melt downs (bc 10 people announced they were KU since we started)! And bc of all that stressy cycles were anywhere from 25 days- 37 days! That last and lucky cycle I really did get to the point where I said Fuck it, and wanted nothing to do with anything baby related bc I was so upset… I know it’s easier said then done, but try to relax, your time will come!
Post # 8
i can completely relate. We are on cycle 5. Each time I tell myself not to symptom spot, but as the TWW progresses, I can’t help it. I start peeing on sticks waaay too early. I ran the October POAS board and had to take a step back this month. But I’ll do it again for December. I love the community here and these ladies can totally relate to the craziness of TTC!
I just wanted to tell you that you aren’t alone. Try to relax (I know that is sooo much harder said than done). I try to focus on other hobbies like running/yoga/taking the puppy to the park/hanging with my little sis who just moved back to town. And each time AF shows her ugly face I do something I couldn’t do while pregnant. Which for me is usually a glass of wine (or 3 hahaha) with some sushi.
Just know we are here with you in this journey. 🙂
Post # 9
@MrsBG: @MrsAKSkier: @Wishing4Miracles: @CityBearBride: @graygodess20:
@CocoLoco523: Thank you so much for your replies, girls. Just reading your replies has made me feel so much better. I am prone to having these freak-outs (as you can probably see from my previous threads) but you’ve gotten me through it, I think. Also, I have a confession. (Well, multiple confessions..)
This morning I purposely watched a programme about a 40 year old woman who was infertile and had brought lifelike dolls instead (you know, like reborns) of various sizes who she took to the park, shopping, etc. I managed to convince myself that that would be ME!! So I took a test, after barely holding for an hour and of course it was BFN. I am offically insane. If that wasn’t bad enough I was so near tears that I had to play Disney songs to try and distract myself. See? Lunatic.
I have decided I can’t go on like this. Since the wedding (when we started ttc) I have barely thought of anything else. Whether it’s because I have no wedding stuff to distract me, or whether ttc is offically taking over, I don’t know. I used to get monthly pedicures, buy makeup and clothes whenever I got paid, that sort of thing. I loved dressing up and going out for meals and the cinema. I haven’t done any of that for 4 months. I am in good shape physically because I have a job that is quite active. But I don’t think I’m mentally taking care of myself. I stress over EVERY. THING. I temped this month because I wasn’t sure I was ovulating. I’m pretty sure I am from this month’s chart. Next month I’m not going to temp or use OPKs or anything. In the two weeks leading up to ovulation this month I was waking up, stressing about my temp, what was I going to do if I didn’t get a temp rise, or a positive OPK? Then since I’ve analysed everything. I’ve put my mind at ease by proving to myself I’m ovulating. I’m going to try and stop this stressing and get back to my old, happy self who looked forward to things and got excited over things. Christmas is next month so I’m hoping that will distract me or give me something to focus on. I’m doing a course in January that I’m really excited about too. We’re still going to ttc and BD LOTS but I’m going to stop googling infertility and stop convincing myself I’m unhealthy. I’ve given myself until January (6 months) when I’m going to visit the doctor again if no BFP. Then in April I will ask for a referral to the hospital (9 months). I hope I’m doing the right thing..
I wish all you girls massive luck on your TTC journey. I’d love to hear from you all too 🙂 Please PM me if you’d like a chat x