Post # 1
We are planning on a Weds afternoon wedding ceremony and evening reception during the Holiday season next year. The reception will be a very elegant black tie with live orchestra during a formal 25 course sit down dinner on a long table and with a live band afterwards for dancing. We both want a small reception with Max people =70 but because it is a Weds night I am afraid only 25 will show up. I think the venue we have fits 100-125 comfortably with orchestra stage, dance floor and a lounge area. However, if only 25 can show up, I want to move it to a smaller venue which holds 50 people, stage, lounge area etc. We are not getting a $ break for weeknight but the minimum changes for the larger room versus the smaller room and I have to decide soon. Is it ok to ask for an RSVP before the actual invitation is sent out? What is the etiquette –please help!
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2012 - The Old Field Club
@tatyblue: I’m sorry this is a pain, but honestly asking guests for an RSVP for an event almost a year in advance isn’t fair to the guests. Most people won’t be making those kinds of plans until a couple of monhts into the future. I think you can ask people if they think they will be able to attend to assess, but other than that you shouldn’t ask for formal RSVPs until much closer to the wedding.
Post # 4
I have never heard of RSVPing after the STD, so your guests will probably be confused. Maybe you can try to get a general idea without formal RSVPs yet.
Post # 5
RSVPs go with invitations, period. It’s one thing if you want to send out the invitations early because it’s on a Wednesday over holidays and some people might already know their plans, but I doubt many will. Your best bet is to either: throw a 25 person wedding (unless you’ve already sent the Save-The-Date Cards to 70), throw a 70+ person wedding and eat the cost, or throw a 70+ person wedding and, when the RSVPs roll in with “Cannot attend,” create a B-list to invite.
Post # 6
An STD is not an invitation. It is not appropriate to expect an RSVP until people actually receive an invitation.
Post # 7
You cannot ask for or expect a reply to something you haven’t invited people to. A STD is an FYI not an invitation.
It is also not appropriate to invite people this far out. It is too far away to ask people to commit yet. Even if you asked for RSVPs now it is unlikely to be an accurate count. People get sick, change work schedules, plan holidays, and honestly get out of contact. So while you feel it will solve some problems, it will create a new set in its place.
Host the wedding you want and hope for the best. I think a lot of brides stress about attendance regardless of the size of their wedding.
Post # 8
Thank you everyone for your quick response! We decided to go with the larger venue and if the turn out is lower than expected, we will just create a larger lounge area and maybe a few stations…sushi, ice cream etc