(Closed) appropriate to ask for RSVP immediately after save the date card?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it appropriate to ask for RSVP immediately after save the date card?
    NO WAY! : (22 votes)
    88 %
    Ok if RSVP by card included in save the date card. : (0 votes)
    Ok if RSVP by email/ text message : (3 votes)
    12 %
    Ok if RSVP by phone. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012 - The Old Field Club

    @tatyblue: I’m sorry this is a pain, but honestly asking guests for an  RSVP for an event almost a year in advance isn’t fair to the guests.  Most people won’t be making those kinds of plans until a couple of monhts into the future.  I think you can ask people if they think they will be able to attend to assess, but other than that you shouldn’t ask for formal RSVPs until much closer to the wedding. 



    Post # 4
    3626 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I have never heard of RSVPing after the STD, so your guests will probably be confused. Maybe you can try to get a general idea without formal RSVPs yet.

    Post # 5
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    RSVPs go with invitations, period.  It’s one thing if you want to send out the invitations early because it’s on a Wednesday over holidays and some people might already know their plans, but I doubt many will.  Your best bet is to either: throw a 25 person wedding (unless you’ve already sent the Save-The-Date Cards to 70), throw a 70+ person wedding and eat the cost, or throw a 70+ person wedding and, when the RSVPs roll in with “Cannot attend,” create a B-list to invite. 

    Post # 6
    46402 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    An STD is not an invitation. It is not appropriate to expect an RSVP until people actually receive an invitation.

    Post # 7
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    No way!

    You cannot ask for or expect a reply to something you haven’t invited people to. A STD is an FYI not an invitation.

    It is also not appropriate to invite people this far out. It is too far away to ask people to commit yet. Even if you asked for RSVPs now it is unlikely to be an accurate count. People get sick, change work schedules, plan holidays, and honestly get out of contact. So while you feel it will solve some problems, it will create a new set in its place.

    Host the wedding you want and hope for the best. I think a lot of brides stress about attendance regardless of the size of their wedding.

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