Appropriate to spend on a ring?

posted 5 months ago in Rings
Post # 136
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

I think my fiance had a budget of $3k lol. But with some good shopping around and learning more I guess about diamonds from size to clarity (whatever it all means… haha) he was able to find something for $2100 and therefore saved a ton. The diamond looks huge on my 8.5 finger so… I love it. Everything I wanted personally.

I think your SO could shop around and get what YOU want within HIS price range if he takes his time… and I don’t mean make you wait forever… just look around.

Post # 137
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

For me personally, I didn’t have a budget necessarily but wouldn’t have wanted my Fiance to spend a ton on my ring. I’d say probably $3000 is the max I’d feel comfortable with him spending. I think that’s probably around the max he would have prefered to spend as well. We didn’t discuss budget, but he’s frugal and I know he wouldn’t have wanted to spend more than that, although if I told him my dream ring was a $5000 diamond ring he probably would end up buying it (I wouldn’t want him to, though, knowing it would make him uncomfortable).

I’ve always wanted a gemstone ring, though, even before I started dating my Fiance. I think diamonds are beautiful, but I love colored stones more and have never had a dream of having a real diamond ring. So I have a purple sapphire ring, which is what I told my Fiance I wanted. From what my Fiance said, I believe my engagement ring ended up being a little less than $2000, but not sure of the exact cost.

Post # 138
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee

I always find these threads fascinating — how for some 1k is too much and for others 20k seems modest. I don’t begrudge anyone for wearing a $$$ ring if they can afford it. But I do think that if you have to deplete your savings or go into debt, you can’t afford it and should rethink your choice. 

We used an heirloom diamond, so we spent 0 aside from resizing and insurance costs. When dh and I briefly discussed other ring options, $1500 was as much as he thought was reasonable to spend. I was a little surprised at first because he could have easily “afforded” more, but we don’t make a lot of big purchases so I think it was hard for him to wrap his head around spending more than that on any single item (without practical or experiential value – he was happy to spend on our wedding/honeymoon). He also had never really looked at jewelry prices, ha. If I had been setting the budget I probably would have said 5-8k was “reasonable” for us. We are financially comfortable with no debt, but we are still solidly middle class, don’t have a house or kids yet, and live in a HCOL area, so there are other things it makes more sense to save towards. We happened to already have a family ring that we loved, so we were both happy going with that. 

I think “appropriate” all depends on the couple, their lifestyle and philosophy around money. Personally I am willing to occassionally splurge on myself for items that I know I’ll get a ton of use out of (like my everyday earrings or watch), so I’d have been comfortable with spending a bit more on a ring. That said, I’m not much of a shopper and I don’t have designer bags/shoes/clothes; my preference is to occasionally invest in a nice new accessory that will last a lifetime and then buy high street for everything else. It’s all a matter of priorities. 

Post # 139
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

browneyedgirl24 :  I too consider my engagement ring my “nice” investment because I don’t own much jewlery, so I too probably would have set a budget myself between $5-8k based on our incomes, savings, and lack of debt. And I too think my SO had a hard time setting a budget because he doesn’t have experience buying big ticket items. Apparently his friend suggested a budget of $10k and my SO thought that was ridiculous. $10k would have been more than I was comfortable with, even though it would have only put a dent in his or my savings. So it definitiely is a personal preference even within the range of “affordable.” 

Post # 140
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My husband’s budget was based on his salary, his savings, and our mutual monetary and other life goals. He would never go into debt for a non-essential purchase. Given where we are in life now, I was interested in a bigger/better quality ring than I would have been in my 20’s (we got engaged in our early 40’s). I think he spent about $8K on the e-ring (1 carat, princess cut with side diamonds) and about $2K on the matching platinum wedding band. This was a comfortable purchase for him.

Money gets people’s cackles up. Even the OP, while saying no one should be shamed for the price of their ring or dress, says she cringes at the money spent on weddings and that she doesn’t see the point in “all of the frills.” There is a tendency to dismiss purchases that aren’t important to you as “frivolous,” “stupid,” or unworthy. I’ve seen people say that “no one will notice” the centerpieces at a wedding or that it’s stupid to provide favors or waste money on a band when you can have a DJ. Sometimes, what they are really saying is “I didn’t want or couldn’t afford those things.” And that’s absolutely fine, but that doesn’t make it a waste for someone else.

Our wedding cost $60K. There were many, many things we couldn’t afford (certain venues, a particular band, a huge flower budget, a calligrapher, more elaborate lighting). Some of those things I wanted, others I didn’t value so much and wouldn’t have purchased anyway, but I’m not going to tell someone else they shouldn’t get them unless they are putting themselves in financial turmoil to do so.

I get the concept of conspicuous consumption and waste and don’t want to be the person throwing money away while others struggle. However, I have what I have now (I would definitely say I worked for it, but won’t pretend it’s not also a product of privilege and luck) and feeling ashamed of having (what I consider to be) a nice ring or a nice wedding is not going to help anyone.

Post # 141
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

My Fiance spent $600 on my mossy ring, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I feel like a cap of $2k is reasonable, though. However, because I’m accident prone and don’t want to spend a lot of money — less is more. I’m pretty proud of the fact that we kept the ring expense under $1k. 🙂 

Post # 142
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Less than 10k is reasonable. I would have been okay with a moissy but fiancé wanted a diamond. Anything beyond that I’d rather invest. 

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