Post # 1
I’ve just come back from FMIL’s house, where we had a conversation about some of FI’s family.
The issue is his uncle – who, after getting our invite, said ‘I hope they don’t expect me to wear a suit for this! I’ll be damned if I dress up as a penguin to keep other people happy.’
So he’ll be coming in his usual attire. Of ripped jeans and a heavy metal T-Shirt (usually with really inappropriate imagery on it. Naken women, devil’s heads, dead people, swear words etc…)
I am pretty laid back about what people wear to weddings – People can turn up in wedding dresses themselves, as long as it doesn’t stop me from marrying the man I love.
But I have to draw the line somewhere, and I don’t want people wearing anything that will offend me, my guests or my vicar – who is one of my closest friends.
I don’t want to dictate what people wear, but is it ok to request that he wears a T-Shirt without pictures or swear words/references to the devil on it?
Fi’s family are of the opinion that he’ll not pay any notice, so not to rock the boat – but isn’t it worth a try?
Post # 4
Can your Fiance approach the topic with him? It might be better coming from family.
Post # 5
@Nellop: Haha that sounds like one of my uncles! I think it’s okay to ask him to not wear a shirt that has something inappropriate on it. Hell, one of my uncles wore jeans and a wolf tee shirt! I never would have asked him to wear a suit, it’s just not him. I think you are being more than reasonable =)
Post # 6
@Nellop: I really wouldn’t even press this issue, he’s going to wear what he wants, obviously, and if your try to take a stand, it’s could potentially turn into some Hatfield/McCoy feud where someone’s right to dress like a no class dumpter person is being infringed upon and they stage a totally tasteless t-shirt protest at your wedding…I’m sure it won’t get to that point, but you never know…people are crazy.
He’s the one that is going to look bad, his clothing shows a lack of respect for the occasion, the people around him and his family in general, and if he thinks wearing a suit is uncomfortable, that is NOTHING compared to the sideways glances, subtle gestures in his direction and raised eyebrows he gets at the wedding…..trust me, he can act like he doesn’t care, I assure you he will and however he handles it, if he does manage to get himself into any of the pictures, although I know most photographers would “ghost” such an unappealing looking guest from shots at all costs, he will wince inwardly every time he looks at those pictures and how badly he looks.
In these casual times, I find it MORE important to put your best foot forward when the event calls for it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I’d buy him a plain shirt and say he can wear it or not come.
Post # 8
He’s only going to make himself look badly, not you. Depending on his personality, he may even find a more ripped t-shirt if you ask him to dress up. Unless his shirt has a confederate flag or a swastika or a racial slur, I don’t think it will really offend anyone.
Post # 9
how about your Fiance gets him a really cool tshirt with a drawing that is not offensive to anyone there? he can give it to him as a gift
Post # 10
@futuremrsfitz18: I’m not sure anyone here would know what a confederate flag looked like if it slapped them in the face.
His favourite T-Shirt last year was one that had a picture of an aborted foetus. I’m fairly certain most of his t-shirts are in the same league… 🙁
@Nona99: I think you may be right – he definitely seems the type to go out of his way to deliberately wear a really awful T-shirt if I push it. For the big group photo I can stand him behind people anyway, and then try to avoid any other photos. I’m fairly certain he will be made to feel very uncomfortable by my family. I just hope my grandmother isn’t too outspoken!
I’m fairly certain two of the church wardens are attending, so they may not even let him in the church if he is wearing something truly horrible. I don’t want there to be a scene – but as long as it’s sorted out before I arrive at the church – I’ll be none the wiser!