Post # 1
So we are having a wedding with 75 people max. We came to that number for budget reasons as we are paying for the wedding ourselves. While there were people we wanted to invite, we limited the list to family and close friends (we allowed +1s). Recently, one of my BMs told me that an aquaintance of mine (who is very close with this Bridesmaid or Best Man, but we’re not that close at all) confided to my Bridesmaid or Best Man that she was upset she didn’t get an invite. We’ve known each other for 10 years or so, and she thought I would’ve invited her. Now, me and this girl have known each other for a long time, but we aren’t close. I only see her/hang out with her when we are both hanging out with Bridesmaid or Best Man. I told Bridesmaid or Best Man that there were people we wanted to invite, but with budget you can’t invite everyone you want, so we opted for close friends and family. So I feel bad now, and am second guessing my decision…but i really do want just close friends and family, I have a whole list of aquaintances I’d love to invite if i was going down that route.
Fiance and I decided awhile ago if we get a bunch of declines, we don’t NEED to have 75 people, so we werent planning on doing a “B” list of anything. We ended up inviting no more than 80 people, so I don’t want to add anyone and we’ll likely end up with close to 75 (its a local wedding and most people have said they can come verbally, so i dont think i’ll get tons of declines.
ugh feeling sad, dont want this aquaintance sad but also feel like it is what it is, you have to draw the line somewhere 🙁
Post # 3
so let her be sad! it’s fine – you haven’t been rude in any way, and she’s an adult, she should realise that there are limitations to guest lists.
as long as you’re not discussing your wedding in front of her, or giving her false hope that she’d be invited (asking for help stuffing invites or something) you haven’t done anything out of line.
if she ever brings it up to you, you can simply let her know that you would have loved to include everyone but budget and space didn’t allow. thank her for her good wishes, and that’s it.
don’t beat yourself up over it!
Post # 4
@peonyinlove: +1 – I don’t need to say anymore, this is perfect advice!
Post # 5
@HeLovesDogs: Stick to your original decision! I’m sure once you go through school, work, neighbours etc. there are lots of “acquaitances” – people you see occasionally (and might be Facebook friends) but aren’t close enough that must be there at your wedding. Let this girl get a little sad. She’ll get over it.
Besides, if anyone (especially her) gets a late invite, they’ll know it’s a B list invite.
Post # 6
@HeLovesDogs: You don’t need to invite her, but if it were me I’d ask my Bridesmaid or Best Man to casually tell her that it’s a very small wedding. She might not know that and think that you’re not inviting her because you don’t like her.
Post # 7
Don’t be swayed! At first it’s just one person…but how many other aquaintances were left out? Seriously though, not everyone can come and she should understand that.
Post # 8
Don’t feel bad, seriously. You didn’t do anything wrong, and if she ever mentions it to you just say you had a small wedding.
Post # 9
I don’t think your bridesmaid should have told you that. Someone told me the other day that this random guy my fiance knows was upset that he wasn’t invited, and I chose not to tell my fiance. What good would it do? We can’t add more people. It would just make my fiance feel like a douche.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@HeLovesDogs: I will tell you as “that acquaintance” for many brides, I am disappointed when I don’t get invited but I try not to take it personally. I remind myself they are probably having a small wedding and there just isn’t enough room for everybody they know. So, let the acquaintance be sad. She isn’t really your friend anyway. It will work out one of two ways: 1) she will get over it and you will have the same acquaintance-type relationship with her; or 2) she will hold a grudge and won’t want any more contact with you. But if you only consider her an acquaintance, then I’m guessing you really won’t be upset about it for very long.
Post # 11
Don’t let her make this your prolem. If she and the Bridesmaid or Best Man are close it is only natural that she would share her feelings with the Bridesmaid or Best Man. I don’t think the Bridesmaid or Best Man needed to communicate that information to you.
Everyone has to draw the line somewhere on their guestlist.
Post # 12
@HeLovesDogs: let her be sad. you made an invite list, don’t be guilt tripped into changing it
Post # 13
@HeLovesDogs: she’ll be ok. Move on.
Post # 14
No joke, an aquaintance of FI’s ran in to FI’s brother right as we were sending the invites out…he said to him “where’s my invite?” After talking it over and feeling bad, we decided to send him an invite along with everyone else. You know what happened? He declined.
Moral of the story is, there are always going to be people who take an “ego hit” when they don’t get invited to a wedding, and it’s not always linked with their desire to actually go to the wedding.
Post # 15
If I were in your shoes, I would do a post-wedding “going out celebration” type thing – something where you don’t have to pay for anyone but yourselves – just for drinks or something, not even dinner – to celebrate with those you couldn’t invite due to budget reasons (you don’t have to word it this way).
Post # 16
@paula1248: I agree with you but I will add. I was not offended at all when an acquaintance invited me to her wedding at the very last minute, Like the week of (maybe 2 weeks out). i guess i was C or D list I never even received a paper invite(she emailed me the PDF) lol. I had a great time as I was we’ll aware that while we chat and keep up with each other that we’re just acquantices.