- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle
When I was younger i didnt know my father and was brought up by my mother litterally.. she fed me, clothed me etc but i have no memory of love in my childhood from her… Every school holiday i was packed up and sent to my sisters house.. (20yrs older). If i was sick i went to school and stayd in the sick bay office.. never allowed to stay home..
At 15yrs i was sick of living like i was. i felt like a slave! (first world problems i know).. I would cook meals, clean up at night and on the weekend i had to clean kitchen, all bathrooms, vacume the floors, clean windows inside and out, do the washing etc.. before i could see my boyfriend (which they encouraged the relationship (18yrs).. i told them i dont like living there and they said to leave.. I called my sister and asked if i could live with her and she of course said yes.. she then spoke on the phone with mum for ages and it was organised the morning after my yr 10 formal i would be driven to my sisters house in Sydney..
My mother denied knowing i was moving to my teachers etc.. and when it came time for me to go she didnt even say goodbye, her boyfriend drove me in silence and when we got to my sisters, he unloaded my belongings out in the street and drove away… I had been dumped..
I stayd with my sister till i finished highschool, worked for my own money as well and had a fulltime job the day after my last exam as well as the parttime job i already had.. But even though i worked two jobs and was hardly ever home, never really ate at home my sister got angry that i no longer cooked dinner, was home to watch her kids and my room wasnt evr clean.. Its only Clothes and i was in a shoebox of a room with hardly any storage.. so she told me if i dont do what she wants i can leave.. so i was out on my own at 18 again and stayd that was till i was 20 and i met my bf(now FI)..
When my Mother met my Future Mother-In-Law the first thing she said was that she apologised for me!! wtf.. she said “i tried my best but i apologise for kelly!” at this stage i was living with my Future Mother-In-Law and helping her through the break up of her marraige etc and she was becoming one of my best friends..
My mother never contacted me from age 15-22 not a card, call, txt message nothing! i could have died and she would never have known..
I cant wait to have children i want to feel that bond between mother and child that i never had! i know all the thing not to do, did i mention the physical and emotional abuse during the childhood?.. My mother will never know im pregnant, will not know my children at all. If you have ever watched a person repeatedly hit a 4yr old to get her to pick up her blocks?! my mum is fucked and abusive when it comes to kids..
I have spent my life trying to be loved.. and that since being 14-15 with a 17-18yr old ended up being in the arms of men! this was the only place i felt a kind of love.. so i hopped from Bf to Bf and eventuallt found my now Fiance and have learnt that i can be loved outside of a bed.. i can be loved for who i am and he is now my world and i cherish his mother who is such a wonderful friends to me.. i cant wait to be married, have a home and family so i can fill my heart with happyness and forget the horrible past!
Sorry for the book