Are big expensive weddings worth it?

posted 4 months ago in Venue
Post # 31
Member
7909 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Echoing PPs, it’s all relative. Do you have that kind of disposable cash on hand (not anticipated $ and no credit!!) to throw at your dream wedding? Meaning extra cash separate from six months’ emergency savings, education fund for your child, well-funded retirement accounts AND you have no significant debt other than a mortgage? If you don’t have all of that covered then no, I don’t think it’s worth it at all.

What would it cost to hire a wedding coordinator to handle the DJ, caterer, etc.? I imagine less than 15K? 

Post # 32
Member
10400 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
@tinkywinky88:  

Well it certainly wouldn’t have been worth it to me, even less worth it when l had a child to raise and a mortgage etc, but l am not one who always dreamed of it. My first wedding was expensive, but it was entirely my parents show, bless them. 

Obviously you really want this, you even say ( tho l guess it’s a joke?) you are considering not getting married at all because of the stress of having to choose which venue, and it’s the better part of a year and a half away yet!  So, as pps have said, only you can decide,. When you do, make your decision and then firmly and permanently shut down second thoughts about whether you did the right thing or not . 

Post # 33
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Honestly? Nah, it’s not. 

Post # 34
Member
13558 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If we weren’t fortunate enough to have our parents host a big wedding, there is no way we would have spent our savings or close to it to have the experience. I could easily have been just as happy with a Covid style microwedding and restaurant celebration.  Maybe a low key celebration to include our extended families at a later date. At that time our parents were in a much better position to afford it and were happy to do so. 

Once upon a time traditional weddings with all the trimmings were only rarely hosted by young couples. Today, as back then, it is the ultimate responsibility of an independent, mature couple living on their own to host. That doesn’t mean it’s wise to spend the same kind of money, though. I hope that this past year has taught people that they don’t have to spend what they can’t justify to have a very meaningful day. 

Post # 35
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

We spent about £20k on our wedding, excluding honeymoon, and I don’t regret it at all.

We were in a position where we could afford it – house is owned outright, no kids, plenty of savings- so we had the day we wanted and loved it. Different people have different priorities for their money, it’s entirely up to you what you do with yours. I certainly wouldn’t have gone into debt for my wedding, and would have spent less if we needed money for a down payment on a house.

Spending less won’t necessarily take away from your day either. One of the best weddings I’ve been to was done for under £5k total, and one of the worst was £35k on the venue alone.

Post # 36
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2020

To me? No. Not at all. My wedding was literally five minutes and five people in total, including my husband and me. And that’s okay.

To others? Maybe it is important. And that’s okay too.

Everyone should do what makes them happy.

Post # 37
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@tinkywinky88:  Take the $15,000 and spend it instead on a down payment on a house. 

Post # 38
Member
410 posts
Helper bee

When we had to make decisions on major spending for the wedding I asked myself would I be okay the day after the wedding not having that money in my bank account. 

Would you be okay the day after your wedding not having that £15k in your bank account? That’s obviously a personal question only you can answer. 

Post # 39
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee

No, definitely not worth it. 

Post # 40
Member
3945 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
@tinkywinky88:  My sister’s wedding cost 3x what my wedding cost and everyone had the same amount of fun at both. I think the higher the budget, the more money for random “extras” that are not necessary. My sister bought Old Navy flipflops to leave in the bathroom for guests if they wanted to take their shoes off. Nice touch, but not completely necessary (and bonus – so many leftover flipflops that I got to take home). And I think you can potentially afford “nicer” vendors for the big ticket items like DJ and photographer. 

In my wedding, I cut out a lot of the unnessary frills. We had no flowers and I DIY’d the living hell out of it. In the end, neither of us regret our decisions. My sister could afford a much pricier wedding than I could. 

In the end, it’s literally one day of your life. Despite what you think, you really aren’t going to be looking back on it all that much three, five, seven years down the line. I will be married six years in October and I literally don’t think back on my wedding hardly ever. It was a fun day, that’s it.

ALSO! Edited to add: Six years after my wedding, husband and I both agree, we should have just eloped haha. Again, beautiful wedding, amazing day, lovely memories – would have just eloped. The minimal amount we did spend is what we should have put towards a house instead. 

Post # 41
Member
7935 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i wanted a budget friendly wedding.  my mom wanted an extravagent affair.  she paid for everything. 

my wedding was awesome. it’s probably what i pictured as a young girl.  but getting married in my 30’s, i am just more budget conscience and didn’t find it neccessary, and tried to convince my mom otherwise. 

i have no regrets for the wedding i had. ultimately i was happy and had final say in everything done.

Post # 42
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My wedding was a medium size wedding (about 80 ppl) and guess it was expensive about 70k plus honeymoon (15k?), anyway, do I regret it? I don’t, even though it was a bigger wedding than I wanted because my husband wanted all the family and friends there it was everything I wanted it to be and I didn’t have to worry too much as we hired a wedding planner. However, we pay for everything cash, with a healthy savings acct, and have no debt.

Post # 43
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

So I’m actually on the other side of this; we had an inexpensive wedding as we did not have a lot of money to spend. We cut certain corners such as lowering our guest list, not getting a dj, only 2 people in our wedding party. But in cutting our budgets with those things, we were able to get the venue we wanted as it was meaningful to us, we got a videographer we loved, and it was a more intimate affair. 
I do wish we could have had a few more friends there, and had my girlfriends in my bridal party, but I still got ready with them and had them in different roles in the wedding. It was nice to be able to have almost everyone there to have a special role, and we were able to talk to and dance with everyone that came because of the small guest list. (When I say small, our guest list was about 35 people including us and our vendors).

If you do go with the larger venue, I would suggest getting a wedding coordinator, as it makes the day go so much smoother and you don’t have to worry about anything! 

At the end of the day, it’s your wedding. If you want something big and lavish, then go for it! 

Post # 44
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

Putting aside the financial aspect, which is clearly something that’s important and depends on where you are financially, from a planning standpoint the all-inclusive place will be so much easier. I had a place where we paid a fee just to have the space, and we had to arrange for all the other vendors, like caterer, tent, chairs, tables, etc. It was a big undertaking, even though we had a small wedding. Looking back on it now, I rather wish that we had gone with something more inclusive, because planning was stressful.

Post # 45
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee

We had a fairly expensive wedding and no regrets. You only get married once (hopefully!) so go for whatever you want. xo

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