(Closed) Are 'Bridesmaid Gifts' REALLY necessary?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

My mother said that when she got married (’86) nobody gave wedding party gifts, but the couple would usually pay for attire.
I’m giving my bridesmaids earrings and a bracelet, lotion, a candle, and some candy. Just a fun gift bag. Each bag is costing $15 or less (too late in the evening for math! ;). 

What I’m not understanding is allll the posts on other threads saying “you can’t give them jewelry as a gift! That’s a prop for your day! how could you do that!” but then everyone here saying to “give them jewelry.” um… which is it, folks?

Post # 47
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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@ bethio   I pretty quickly have realized to take most of the etiquette advise on here with a grain of salt. So much of it contradicts what’s happened at every wedding I’ve ever been a part of, I don’t even try to keep all of those “rules” in order 😂

Post # 48
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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@ bethio   I think the intention of jewellery as a gift is that it isn’t required for the wedding. So if you get them some earrings but say that they must wear them because they go with the bridesmaid dress, that’s not a gift. If you get them some earrings that you think they will like anyways and they decide themselves to wear them for the wedding and will wear them at other times, then that is a gift. 

The difference may appear small but it’s the difference between prop and present. 

Post # 50
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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@ fairybread052   I wonder if it’s maybe just a regional thing, or maybe even a class thing? (I’m from Western Canada, and I always wonder if that makes a difference)  

A couple of times I’ve realized that what we’re doing at our wedding completely clashes with what a lot of people here consider to be proper etiquitte. I think everyone who really knows us would think we had lost our minds if we tried to keep up with it all. Taking it all with a grain of salt has definitely worked better for me…but I always feel bad for the brides who get ripped for what would absolutely pass as normal in my circle. 

Post # 51
Member
5288 posts
Bee Keeper

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@ fairybread052   If you’re paying for dress, hair and make-up, then no need to gift at all. 

Post # 52
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Do people really pay for all bridesmaids expenses? (Flight, Hotel, Dress, Makeup, Etc) I’ve never heard of or had someone pay all of my expenses. That would have cost me over $1,000 a girl. I spent around $100 each girl on makeup, a silk robe and a funny tshirt. I thought that was generous, but I guess I was being cheap. 

Post # 53
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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@ princessandthepear   I’m with you. I think it’s an incredibly nice thing to do, but I had never heard of this until recently. I have been a bridesmaid in 5 weddings (in different parts of the country and in different social circles) and the bride never paid for the dress, let alone my travel costs. I never expected them to. Like I said, I think it’s a very sweet thing to offer, but I was quite surprised to see that it’s expected for some. I try to be pretty mindful of etiquette and now I wonder if I’m missing some things. 

Post # 54
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Talus Rock Retreat

I did a little gift for my bridesmaids and it wasn’t too hard or too expensive at all and they all loved their gift! They all still wear their bracelets too! I got them on etsy:)

Post # 55
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

 I’m paying for BMs dresses, makeup and hair, jewellery. I’m also getting them a small gift (a cosmetic bag with hand mirror, tissues, and other small items that may be essential on the day). I don’t think any of my BMs are expecting the gift though, but I just thought it would be a nice touch. 

Post # 56
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2022

I think yes because it is expected. my friend gave us all the same bracelet that we were to wear for the wedding. 

Post # 57
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

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@ cassidyrue   Haha, yes, same here! And so much is regional, or even just depends on your ‘group’! I’ve asked friends to help with my wedding. They’re so happy to help and bless us with their help and services. But if I say that on here, I bring down the Wrath of the Bee upon my head because you can’t ask friends to do things… 
That’s why I mostly lurk. My wedding and I don’t fit in with The Bee.

Post # 58
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

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@ chocochai   Except, y’know, when my bridesmaids are wearing earrings that they like and will enjoy wearing again… the dresses were $50 from Dressbarn that they’re all excited to wear again. The earrings coordinate, but don’t scream “wedding.” There’s no reason for them to not be a gift. 

(The incredibly sarcastic side of me wants to make a post saying that I’m asking for the jewelry back after the ceremony, since, of course, it’s “not a gift.” But I won’t.)

Post # 59
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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@ bethio   I definitely prefer to lurk…and I try to stay far away from any etiquette posts!! I’m the same way though…our whole circle of friends does weddings the way we’re doing ours, and from what I can tell it’s very opposite of what is typical on the Bee! (And there’s nothing wrong with those weddings…its just not the norm amongst our group!!) I’ve had so many friends jump in to help with everything, and it’s been so amazing to see how much people love us that they’re willing to jump in and help!!! I couldn’t imagine doing this without them!! 

Post # 60
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

 

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@ cassidyrue   I have such a good community of helpful and talented people around me it would be a waste to not use them! So I’m throwing some of the boards’ etiquette to the wind and doing it my way! 🙂 Sounds like we come from similar communities!

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