Are bridesmaids/friends really wanting to plan a bachelorette party?

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 16
Member
8856 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

lulu_bell :  Like PPs have said, it depends on the group. I think GENERALLY those big crazy parties mainly happen in movies. In real life, it’s usually a pretty narrow demographic that can pull them off: groups where everyone has “good jobs” with paid time off and disposible income, and where most of the members are still-single. As more friends marry off and start having kids, they have less free time and money for the kind of parties that have become popular. You see on here pretty frequently, “I went all out on my bridesmaids’ bachlorettes but now that it’s my turn they aren’t interested.” Yeah, they have other priorities now. That’s life for most people. It’s very sweet that you’re doing your best to make things special for your friends, but for a lot of people, a party that’s basically celebrating another party a couple weeks later, just isn’t a priority.

Post # 17
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

I think planning a big bachelorette, particularly a destination bachelorette, is more natural with certain groups of friends who:

  1. Know each other from the same place. It’s easier to get excited about you and your 4 best friends putting something together for your mutual best friend than it is to get excited about getting together with your best friend’s 3 friends from high school and her 2 friends from grad school and that one coworker who you met that one time. 
  2. Are all in similar stages of life. Of course it’s easier to get wrapped up in planning a bachelorette party when you know your own boyfriend has a ring and the favor will be returned soon than it is when you’ve been married for 4 years and have a baby at home. 

I also think it’s normal for your excitement to depend on the planned activity. For example, for one of my friend’s bachelorette party we went upstate for a weekend. It was me, the bride, and one other friend, who announced she was 16 weeks pregnant on the trip. We drank more tea than wine, spent the days antiquing and at a farmer’s market, and spent the evenings going out to dinner and then chatting in our AirBnB. We all joked that it was a grandma bachelorette, but I think we all thought it was the perfect weekend. 

I would be a lot less excited to go on a trip that involved drinking from morning to the wee hours of the night, or wearing matching t-shirts/tiaras, or being out in public drinking from a penis straw. 

Post # 18
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I know that a friend had her bridesmaids fly to a town for the hen do, mainly because half of them live in one country, half in another, so they met half-way. But all the other people I know either had no hen do or a really low-key one.

I talked to my two best friends about my hen do and we agreed we’d go and get our nails done (on me), one of them offered to treat us to massages, the other to dinner. I’m inviting a third friend who has been kind enough to offer to do all the photography for the wedding. Most likely the hen do will be on Friday, the wedding on Saturday. So no staying up late anyway.

Post # 19
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

We’re doing a weekend in Montreal for a wedding i’m Maid/Matron of Honor in. We just started a group chat and everyone’s contributed ideas.

I am picking up all the decor and making little “bachelorette survival bags” for fun, and then all the girls split the airBNB and pick up our own dinner/drink tabs etc. We plan to split on groceries/booze to keep back at the apartment.

I’ve also been to a bach in a beach town for 1 night, everyone split on the cottage and brought our own booze for the predrink and paid for their own drinks at the bar. The maid of honour bought pizza for dinner for everyone

I didn’t have a bachelorette myself

Post # 20
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee

Depends on the friends? I’m not planning on having bridesmaids but one of my long time friends who live overseas had volunteered to help me plan if I need. She’s the type that loves planning things for people and also very opinionated. I doubt any of my other friends would volunteer without me asking because they’re not the “let’s plan a party” type lol..

Post # 21
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I agree with PPs that I think a lot of it has to do with the MOH/BMs personalities. In my group of friends, there is always a bachelorette party when someone gets married – but what that party actually entails will depend a lot on who the bride is and who is in her bridal party.

Most of us have had fairly low key parties, because this is what we like. Mine, for example, was a cocktail making class followed by dinner (where some female family members joined us) followed by hitting up a few bars for drinks and dancing. I really enjoyed it and it was very “me”. Some of our friends are more into the big party/stereotypical stuff, so their bachelorette’s will mirror this. I am a bridesmaid for a close friend who is like this and we’ll be going a bit more risque with her bachelorette.

Post # 22
Member
5696 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

cherryberrypie : when there isn’t a milestone people still have other things to celebrate so yes. The level of celebration varies depending on the event. Getting married is a pretty monumental event in most people’s lives which is why bachelorettes tend to be a big thing. Unmarried or childless people hardly miss out on parties or celebrations just because they are unmarried, they still experience birthdays, promotions, new houses etc which are all things that can be celebrated. 

Post # 23
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

zzar45 :  thank you! I’m a musician so I forgot in the normal world people got promotions when I asked that. 

Post # 24
Member
953 posts
Busy bee

Personally, I’m not a huge fan of dropping tons of money on somone elses bachelorette (or birthday weekends – what is up with that??), so when I got married I specifically said I ddin’t want one.

My two sisters (my bridesmaids) ignored me and threw me a bachelorette anyway. They both flew to the city I live in, we did a spa day, and we had a kick ass dinner with friends then went to a really great drag theatre performance. It was a blast! And it was more or less “a night on the town” for the guests (other than my sisters who flew in). 

I’m pretty low key, so for me it was perfect! 

Post # 25
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it’s what your social group is used to. My group of friends likes to plans events like this, and trips, and weekends away, etc. so we love getting the chance to plan a bachelorette party for one of our close friends! We usually do a weekend away (3 days/2 nights) and pretty much everyone is involved in the planning, except the bride. She picks the location (or chooses a few she wants to go to and lets the rest of us hash it out) and we take it from there. But we are all a pretty easygoing bunch. We are open with what we can afford, we don’t mind voicing our preferences or dislikes, and we all just want to make it fun, celebratory and memorable (or maybe not so memorable ;)) for the bride to be! 

Post # 26
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

lulu_bell :  Sometimes a bride has to plan her own if no one else can or will take the initiative. If it’s something she wants and can pay for, why not? Maybe it’s a little sad/non-traditional, but not everyone’s friends have the time, interest, know-how, or resources to do so.

Post # 27
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

All of the wedding parties I have been in have done the big “movie-style” destination bachelorette parties, and have been really interested in planning/attending. I definitely think this is a circle of friends thing. My friends have tended to get married on the older side (so more established in jobs, etc.) and are very extroverted. 

Post # 28
Member
863 posts
Busy bee

lulu_bell :  I know plenty of brides who have planned their elaborate, fly-across-the-country kind of bach parties. For me? I couldn’t imagine requesting that anyone spend hundreds of dollars to “celebrate me” in addition to spending all the money on bridesmaid’s dresses, gifts, time off from work, etc. etc. 

There’s nothing I hate more than asking people to spend money. 

Most of my friends feel kind of ‘eh, I rather plan my own vacation where I don’t have to bring a cliche black bathing suit so the bride can wear a white one and we can all take pictures up to our knees in water”

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