(Closed) Are comments on someone's weight ever okay?

posted 4 years ago in Wellness
Post # 16
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Last summer, I had lost a little bit of weight ..nothing major, maybe 5 lbs. I’m on the small side, so I guess it was noticeable. My coworker made the comment “Goodness, are you withering away?”, which I thought was a little iffy. I don’t really get offended easily, but I’d never say that to someone. 

Post # 17
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I actually don’t think commenting on someone’s weight is a big deal. Your coworkers are not judging you to say that you are a horrible or evil person. And god forbid, they’re not even saying you’re a stupid person. Our weight does not equate the value of a human being. Our physical attribute is what it is. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, you can either chose to ignore it, or do something about it. No one can make you unhappy without your consensus.

Post # 18
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The only people who can comment on your weight is a medical doctor at an appointment.

If someone mentions they lost weight, I will congratualte them. I dont talk about it otherwise. Not my business.

Post # 19
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

3 years ago I was really underweight and people used to comment all the time. Had a friend tell me a man wouldn’t want to be with a woman who looks more like a teenage boy….. 

I had lost the weight due to the birth control pill I was on and a shitty relationship so not as if I was purposely remaining underweight. So the comments were beyong hurtful.

Fast forward to now and I’ve gained the appropriate amount of weight, although a little too much around my middle if I do say so myself. When I mention losing those inches around my waist I get gasps and oh nooooo don’t go back to the way you were.  Well that was 35 lbs… Everyone CALM DOWN!

Post # 20
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

it’s apparently only okay to comment if the comment is related to someone’s thin-ness. because of course, calling someone skinny is ALWAYS a compliment, right?!! ::eye roll::

 

Post # 21
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I personally don’t like it, other than to hear something like “you’re in really good shape, what do you do?” Something like that. But normally I would never say anything about someone’s appearance in regards to their physique.

However I feel like all older Latina women (mothers or grandmothers I mean) talk about appearances like any other topic. I can’t tell you how many times my mother, grandmother and her friends tell me unabashedly that I’m fat/overweight, have gotten chunkier since the last time they saw me. If I had enough self discipline to starve myself constantly, I would, just to shut em up. On the other hand, my cousin who is or was anorexic/still skinny anyway, everyone criticizes her for being nothing but bones

bottom line.. that talk of weight is normal in that culture. But I feel like normally.. or nowadays.. it’s not considered tactful to do that in American culture. But everyone is raised differently.. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  jesus_crust.
Post # 22
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it depends on the comment and context of the situation. I’ve always been able to eat what I want without having to worry about my weight. I try to make healthy choices with food and diet but I also allow myself to indulge in junk food and sweets when I crave them. The down side is that I will lose weight very quickly when I’m sick or stressed. Sometimes I don’t mind others’ comments when they generalized or complimentary, like “You look great in that outfit”. However, I do get offended when someone says “You’re too skinny” or “You need to eat a sandwich”, or the ever-classic “You need some more meat on your bones”. How rude! Most of the time these comments are made by women that are heavier than I am. As tempted as I have been to respond with “And you should skip dinner!”, I would NEVER make a comment like that! Ever. It’s uncalled for and isn’t a healthy solution to losing weight. It is never appropriate to make an unsolicited comment on someone’s weight unless it is a compliment about them making healthier lifestyle choices. I am 5’6″ and 116-120 pounds. The label “skinny” can be offensive depending on how it’s used. I may be sensitive to it because, generally, when someone uses that word in a comment toward me, they are implying that I’m making unhealthy choices (like “you need to eat a sandwich”). Sometimes I just want to say “I’m not skinny! I’m fit and healthy!”

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  SimplyRenee.
Post # 23
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

It’s not appropriate but some people do it anyways.I never comment on anyone weight , weather it goes up and down.You just don’t know the reason behind some else weight issues

 

 

Post # 24
Member
9567 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

There are appropriate circumstances, but it’s never ok for people to talk about it without invitation.

A professional who you’ve gone to see regarding weightloss? Sure, totally.  Your doctor, who keeps an eye on your general health? Yep, makes sense.  A friend who is responding to your comment about your diet? Reasonable.

I feel like the only exception is your mother.. not because its not rude, but because… whatyagonnado.

Post # 25
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think it’s inappropriate in any circumstance. Even telling someone they look great since they’ve lost/gained weight leaves one questioning how awful they looked before. 

Post # 26
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it’s ever ok to comment on someone’s weight. They know they’re fat/thin so I don’t understand what people’s great need to point out the obvious is.

That said, if someone is talking about their own weight, don’t argue with them about it either! If I say I’m too fat ride a carnival ride, it’s not me fishing for compliments, it’s a statement of fact. You don’t need to go “You’re not fat!” or make some other comment trying to make me feel better about being fat. 

Post # 27
Member
268 posts
Helper bee

Unless a comment is made out of genuine concern, or genuine compliment, it is out of place.  I would be a bit put off it comments were made by the same people daily.  You might subtly let them know you have other merits you would appreciate compliments on too, like saying “Thanks, did you know I’m currently knitting a blanket?  I’m a master of yarn!”

Post # 28
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Truly never okay, unless it’s a close friend and you know they’ve been dieting. Sometimes people think commenting on someone’s weight loss is okay, but it’s a bad idea because you don’t know the whole story. The answer might be: “thanks for noticing! I’ve been watching my weight!” But it could just as easily be: “Yeah, I’m too broke to eat,” or “I’ve been having such bad panic attacks all week that I can’t keep food down,” or “I know and I’m insecure about it—why can’t I just keep weight on?” or “Yeah, I’ve got colon cancer.” Not that we should never give compliments bc we fear people’s responses, but in terms of etiquette and common sense, weight is too heavy an issue.

Plus, every time you comment on someone’s weight, you’re reminding them: “I notice your weight. On some level, I’m keeping track of it.” Imagine how triggering that is for someone with an eating disorder!

The rule of thumb I’ve heard is that you can compliment something people DO (“cool hairstyle!” “Whoa, your triceps are buff. Have you been doing mad dips?”) but you can’t compliment something people ARE (“your hair texture is so unusual. Can I touch it!” “You’re soooooo skinny! I’m jealous!”). I love that advice. 

Post # 29
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well if the comment was meant as  a compliment just smile,  say thank you, and change the subject. 

Post # 30
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s ok if you’re getting a compliment.  I don’t mind if people tell me it looks like I’ve lost weight, but, I would be totally pissed if they told me I looked fat (which I do), but, don’t want to hear any negatives.  I would probably comment on how attractive you were, not whether you were fat or thin.

Like my mother said, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

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