Are Destination Weddings Rude?

posted 3 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 2
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

If you were/have been invited to a destination wedding would you go?

Maybe, it depends where the wedding is (How much will it cost us?  How much time will we need to take off work?  Is it somewhere we’ve wanted to go anyway? etc..) and how close we are to you.

Would you feel badly about declining?

Not even a little.

 

Post # 3
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

It’s not rude at all. It’s rude to react poorly if people aren’t able to afford the time/cost. Sounds like you’re being realistic about the chances of people not being able to attend. It sucks, but comes with the territory of destination weddings. 

I’ve been invited to a few and was unable to attend all of them due to time/money constraints, but I never felt as though the couple was being rude or “owed” me and other possible attendees a traditioal local event. Only one of those weddings were for a family member and I was sad I wasn’t able to go, but they were understanding and I would never hold it against them if it’s the event that they want! Their day, not mine. 

Post # 4
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

i’m having a destination wedding, and to make up for the “rudeness” I am paying 2 nights of hotel for everyone that attends and saying to gifts.  It make the 30 person destination wedding costs equal or less than what a 100 personal local wedding would have cost.  

The problem with destination weddings is that you are pushing the costs of your wedding onto your gests. 

In my opinon, what IS really rude is destination weddings where the bride and groom are using a certain number of paying guests at an all inclusive resort to get a “free wedding”  

Post # 6
Member
2591 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Fantastagirl :  I would be very upset if a close friend had a Destination Wedding I couldn’t attend, but I would also understand the appeal of having it out of town. I would never hold it against them though. That just seems petty. 

Post # 7
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

 

Fantastagirl :  I’d be sad, but I would definitely downplay it for the friend/family member. They have no need to feel guilty!! Furthermore, I would never be upset WITH them. Not their fault that I can’t manage it.

Post # 8
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Fantastagirl :  hmm.. maybe.  If it were my brother or something I might be annoyed with him.  I don’t think I’d hold a grudge or anything, but I’d be dissapointed which might translate into being grumpy for a day or so.

But I’m not the sort who holds on to a grudge–is your family?  That is the important question.

Post # 9
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t think DWs are rude, but it would be rude if you got upset at people for not being able to attend.

Post # 10
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Bar Harbor Inn

I had a Destination Wedding wedding and understood a lot of people couldn’t attend. We had ours in Maine about thirty people came and we paid for their dinner the night before the wedding and as a “favor” booked and paid for private local tours of the National Park for our guests. It helped ease the costs for those attending. We were able to go “all out” at a lower price than a traditional local wedding. Destination Wedding are really common now and as long as you don’t mind people not being able to attend it is not rude. I know a lot of people knock them on here but idk why unless they’ve experienced someone who expected everyone invited to attend. I also suggest not having a bridal party if you’re doing a Destination Wedding. 1) It is expensive as is without the cost of travel and hotel and 2) if someone agrees to be in your bridal party they’re going to feel obligated to attend even if they can’t afford it or get the time off of work. It adds unnecessary stress to friendships. Maybe just siblings in a Destination Wedding bridal party. 

Post # 12
Member
47206 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Having a destination wedding is not, in and of itself, rude.

I am unlikely to attend, unless it was someone extremely close to me, I wanted to travel to that location anyhow, had the money available, and I had vacation time to use, that was not already planned for something else.

I may be sad to miss the wedding, but no more so than a local wedding that I couldn’t get time off work to attend.

Post # 14
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Having a Destination Wedding isnt rude. Inviting people because you dont think they’ll spend $5k to attend, but you still to ‘invite’ them, on the other hand…I don’t really like that. If you dont want them at your wedding, just dont invite them.

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
4587 posts
Honey bee

Are destination weddings inherently rude?  No (although sometimes they can be,  like the example of the all inclusive where guests are basically paying for the wedding reception,  too).  In fact sometimes they can be the most practical option if everyone would already have to travel.

 However I do believe to some extent they can be selfish and inconsiderate of other people’s time and money.  I also think asking other people to put up large amounts of money simply because you’re afraid of saying no and disappointing family is a bad reason to have one.  A local wedding doesn’t mean you HAVE to invite 300 people.  Lots of people choose to have small local weddings.  Does everyone love a party?  Of course.  But they’ll get over it.  Seriously,  there will be like 5 minutes of disappointment and then everyone will move on with their lives.   Invite your parents, grandparents and siblings,  have a small ceremony and go out to dinner.  Honeymoon in Alaska.  If people question just say you are keeping it small due to budget and not wanting to be center of a large wedding.  No one is owed an invitation to your wedding,  even if it is local to them.  It just requires being a grown up who stands by their decisions and politely sets boundaries. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors