(Closed) Are docs starting to tell you to “not wait too long”?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

No that is ridiculous – I am 32 and my doctor has never said that to me – Women have children well into their thirties – yes, some risks increase – but if anyone ever said that to me I would have some words for them!

Post # 4
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I think your doctor’s right. From this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/old-moms/page/2

 

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Sorry for the “fake” name–I’m just going to be sharing a little personal medical history, and, well, I’d prefer to keep it more or less private.

I have three children. The first two–twins–were conceived via IVF. I was 28 and showing signs of menopause (high FSH–essentially, a death knell for pregnancy). I was extraordinarily lucky and the IVF worked, and I was lucky enough to have another child afterward (complete shock; looks like most issues can be traced back to a tumor I can control with medication).

Anyhow. I learned a TON while going through everything, and would like to, respectfully, share some of it, on the off chance it helps someone.

–Fertility goes into steady decline starting in your 20s. Once you hit 35, you’re considered of “advanced maternal age.” Medically, you’re an old mom, and are subjected to increased testing and, worse, increased risk (for defects, miscarriages, etc.).

–As you get older, your body releases more FSH, resulting in more multiple pregnancies. Women’s bodies are, in general, not built for more than one baby at a time. Multiple pregnancies are scary and risky.

–The media does women a great disservice by talking about loads of celebrities in their late 30s and 40s having babies. However, most of these women are conceiving via IVF, often with donor eggs. There is a false sense that women can control their fertility–not sure if it’s a women’s lib issue or what, but declining fertility is very real.

–ART is an option for many women. I can tell you, though, I wouldn’t wish IVF on my worst enemy. Besides the gazillion injections and blood draws and painful tests, the emotional piece is a nightmare.

My point is that if you’re serious about having children, don’t wait. You’ll never be 100% ready; and the sense that we’re in control of our fertility and have all the time in the world is false and even dangerous.

We chose to start trying because a friend of mine was dying of breast cancer. My husband and I looked at each other and realized we were silly to wait when we’d never really be “ready.”

Best wishes to everyone!

Post # 5
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

2 months after our wedding at age 31 my OB-GYN suggested we start trying soon. I  live in NYC and I think these docs have seen a lot of women wait until mid-30s and have a lot of trouble trying….they are just being practical and trying to use their experience to help you out.  That said, its your life, your body, your decision! Just be aware of the tradeoffs you make by waiting.

Post # 7
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I got this all the time!  Each time I visited my various health care providers they encouraged me to start trying now and told me this would take a long time.

Well, I’m here to tell you that they were all wrong!  People can have problems at any time, and while risks may increase towards the end of your 30’s, you can still have a healthy happy pregnancy. (In our case, on the first try)…

Please don’t be scared or bullied into having a baby before you are ready!

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Mrs DG – its so awesome you had no problems, but I do have a lot of friends who have had a lot more trouble conceiving because they waited (the number of twins at my company is out of control!!).  And the risks DO go up for all sorts of problems.  While I agree no one should ever be bullied into having a baby early, I do think its fair for a doctor to make sure that the patient understands the implications of waiting so they can make the best decision for themselves.  I would have been really upset if I turned 35 and all of a sudden found out I was at higher risk for all sorts of stuff and no one bothered telling me when I was 30…..

Post # 11
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

We thought we had lots of time (Bee was 30 when we got married), but we had two miscarriages before getting lucky with attempt #3.  It was a real eye opener!

On a side note, male fertility also plummets over time.  It’s already shockingly low due to environmental pollution!  Scary stuff.

You should be fine for many more years, as many bees above can attest to!

Post # 12
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree Janna, understanding the risks is one thing… but placing inordinate amounts of pressure on women who choose to accept those risks is another.

I personally decided that having a baby in residency or fellowship would be impossible for me (especially considering I wasn’t married yet!)

Women my age already feel stressed about this, and telling me at every appointment that I needed to start yesterday certainly didn’t help things. 

I just wanted to point out that waiting because you have to doesn’t necessarily doom you to IVF or other difficulties… and that those difficulties can occur at any age (though increasingly so in the late 30s and early 40s).

Post # 13
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Mrs. DG is totally right – stress can cause way more problems than age and other factors at times!

We had a lot more luck conceiving after we completely gave up trying… I read stories like that online all the time!  Stress makes a lot of your body functions shut down…  urgh.

Post # 14
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I had a close person in my life who had to completely give up and adopt before she conceived.  Isn’t it weird what stress can do?

Post # 15
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Mrs DG – agree!!  ITs a fine balance.

And I have heard a lot of stories of people going through multiple rounds of IVF, adopting, etc and then after all that getting pregnant the old fashioned way 🙂

Post # 16
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I was really stressed about this too since I’m 36 and my husband is 44.  I honestly thought it would take me years to get pregnant, if it could happen at all – especially since I had previously been diagnosed with PCOS.  Imagine my surprise when just 5 months after we got married (that’s when we started trying), it happened!  I hadn’t even been tracking my cycle or doing anything like that so I guess you just never know. 

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