Post # 1
I’m getting married in less than a month and I just realized that there is something I haven’t even thought about up until now: gifts for my wedding party. My sister, who is one of my 2 bridesmaids (the other bridesmaid is my other sister), just emailed me and asked me what gifts I was planning on getting her kids for the wedding. Her kids are our flowergirl and ringbearer, and they are 6 and 2, respectively. I wasn’t planning on getting them anything! Then I realized that I was probably supposed to get not only them something, but also I am probably supposed to get something for our bridal party too.
I know people do this, but I just thought it wasn’t necessary. My bridesmaids are my sisters, like I said, and they are 8 and 12 years older than me. They are both pretty wealthy so buying their own dresses (from J. Crew) wasn’t a financial strain. They haven’t done anything else for the wedding so far–no bridal shower or bachelorette party.
My fiance’s groomsmen are his two best friends, and they are traveling a long way to get to the wedding. He also didn’t have a bachelor party or ask them to buy suits or tuxedos, and they would have come to the wedding regardless. Will it be really rude if we don’t get gifts? I do kind of feel like we should get the groomsmen something, since they’re not family and paid a lot for their airfare and hotels.
I was even reading online that you’re supposed to give gifts to both of your parents! Is everyone doing this? I have so much other stuff to do that I am just kind of annoyed contemplating this idea! Is that totally selfish of me?
On a related note: does anyone have any suggestions for cheap gifts for wedding party/parents, if this is what we should do? The wedding is already over budget so I can’t spend much. Thank you!
Post # 3
I think you should probably get the wedding party a gift. They’re spending money on your wedding, and though it’s an honor to actually be in the wedding, you should honor them by at least getting them something small. A necklace or bracelet for the ladies and the flower girl, and maybe cufflinks or tie clips for the guys?
Are your parents/your FI’s parents helping to pay for the wedding? If so, I think they deserve a gift too. If not, and you’re close to them, a gift for helping to raise you to who you are today would also be thoughtful.
Sorry if that’s not what you wanted to hear, but I’m a big gift giver…so not getting someone a gift for being in my wedding never really crossed my mind.
Post # 4
The gifts are a thank you to your wedding party (whether they are family or not) for their support of you and your FI and yes, I do think they are necessary. No one said that they need to be anything fancy or expensive but you really should get your bridesmaids, groomsmen, ring bearer and flower girl something as a token of your appreciation.
I also think parents gifts are a nice touch as a thank you both for raising you and getting you to the point where you are now in addition to their support for your wedding – but I don’t think they are quite as necessary as gifts for your wedding party.
Post # 5
@2PeasinaPod: No, it’s good to hear this. I have been planning the wedding basically by myself and not a lot of my female friends are married, so I didn’t know what the etiquette was.
I guess I feel kind of diappointed in our wedding party, which I didn’t explicitly say, and that’s part of why I was resistant to getting them gifts. But it is still a big inconvenience for them, and I’m glad they are going to be part of our wedding, so it does make sense to get them gifts. And of course we love our parents. But what do people traditionally get their parents? Something for the home? This has never been done in our family, so I don’t know what the tradition is.
Post # 6
We got our parents photowraps and will be letting them choose the wedding photo they want on it. A cheaper alternative to this though would be to get them a nicely framed wedding photo or something. Or you could treat them to a nice dinner out somewhere.
Post # 7
We dont have a wedding party but I do have a friend who is going to the Bahamas with us so I plan on getting her a few gift cards to different places! And for the parents we are buying them photo books!
Post # 8
I love this post! As I get down to the wire there are so many things I want to cut and I keep asking myself, “Is this necessary?” (The reality of course is that almost everything we’re doing for the wedding qualifies as “not really necessary” HAH). I feel the same about wedding party gifts and parent gifts. I just want to skip them! We aren’t having a wedding party, but we have a bunch of readers. Do we have to gift them? I am thinking no… I think it is necessary to gift people in the “wedding party” since they shelled out $$ for the wedding. But a small gift and a thoughtful card would be enough, in my opinion. Actually I think it’s kind of rude of your sister to ask what presents her children will be receiving! IMO that’s worse than not giving a gift to them hahahah
Post # 9
@Mrs.KMM: Unfortunately we don’t live in the same place as either of our sets of parents, so while the dinner would probably be the most fun, I don’t think that would work for us. But the nice frame and wedding picture sounds perfect. Thanks!
Post # 10
i think it was mrs. dolphin that gave the moms a “we o u” card for a wedding album. it was a super cute little card and just promised the mom’s a small album of wedding pics. i think something like that would be great for a parents gift, and you wouldn’t have to deal with putting together the album until after you got your pics back.
Post # 11
With 14 in our bridal party, it can get very expensive for gifts. I was/am stressing about this. For my girls, I am making necklaces to match their dresses from the Swarovski Crystallized store. So they are really good quality, but very low cost ($12/ea). The guys will probably get a pocket knife or something like that. For the parents, we will probably get them a frame or album to put our wedding pictures in. I’ll also get them a sentimental card. (I love cards!)
Post # 12
OP, I understand when you say your wedding party sort of let you down…So we are personalizing all our gifts. I.e., my MOH is also my sister and very best friend in the whole wide world, so she gets something a little special. Both my girls are getting a little make up bag filled with “emergency stuff”. My only other bridesmaid is my best friend since grade 9 and although we have been out of touch, sometimes, for years at a time, we do share fond memories, etc. So she gets a funky bracelet customed to her style. My niece who I ADORE gets a “flower girl t-shirt adorned with crystals” and a keepsake statue. My other nephews who I also adore will get customzied gifts. My FI’s groomsman is getting personalized cufflinks but his best man? He’s been non-existent and zero help. He gets a gift card to an electronic store or restaurant but only 25-50 bucks worth.
Post # 13
@Marinara: While I think the wedding party should get gifts, I don’t think your readers warrant gifts, since you’re not having a bridal party. Sure, they usually come to the rehearsal, but other than that, they don’t have the same kinds of obligations that bridesmaids do (buying the dress, throwing the bachelorette party, throwing the shower, standing up in heels with a photog all up in their faces!). And I’m totally with you — I can’t believe someone would ASK a bride what gifts her kids were getting! That’s bold.
Post # 14
I actually 100% agree with you. I read on this website all the time about how brides go to extreme measures buying gifts for everyone and I think that’s great, but it wasn’t for me. We only bought gifts for our wedding party, the guys got $30 flasks from Things Remembered (which they LOVED) and the ladies got awesome custom designed and different from each other earrings from Wendy Mink which were pretty expensive (ranged from $55 – $75) and they also LOVED.
We bought our parents small presents while on our honeymoon in Mexico which we still have yet to give them. Really, they are small things like coffee mugs and decorative plates. And the 8 kids in our processional got nothing.. we bought the flower girl dress for our flower girl but didnt’ buy gifts.
It had to end at oru wedding party, otherwise we would have spent all of our $ on gifts for people.. and I know it’s selfish, but we didnt’ want to start our marriage out with no $ or in debt.
Post # 15
I do not think you have to give parents a gift, but it is a nice idea to give something to the wedding party. I bought really expensive pearls for the bridal party because they were my sisters, and we are heavy gifters.
Post # 16
We gave our parents wedding photo books, it is a nice thank you to them for supporting whether financial or emotional through the whole process. Most of my friends weddings the gifts for BM were their jewlry and GM were shot glasses, pint glasses engraved with their initials or something manly, lol.